Our Rushing Defense sucks and so does your girlfriend. Yep, I just said that.
We had the 31st ranked rushing defense last year and what have we done to remedy the situation? Not much at all. Is Scott Pioli in denial? Is he seriously going to go into next season with the same players as last (save Shaun Smith)? The same rushing defensive players who ranked next to last a year ago and the year before that? He really wants to tie his legacy to Derrick Johnson, Corey Mays, Ron Edwards and the like? It is like a bad dysfunctional relationship that you hope will get better but never does; which brings me to the topic of your girlfriend(s):
ILB Derrick Johnson reminds me of the girlfriend who is a tease. Year in and year out, she flashes potential, but is never consistent, and sometimes even fails to show up. You keep telling yourself to let her go, and when you do, that is when she shows you her best. You bring her back, only to find that she really is not that great; you let her go again and boom she surprises you once more, you bring her back, and she fails you again. Rinse and repeat you might say. This girlfriend drives you crazy.
More after the jump.
ILB Corey Mays reminds me of the girlfriend who is always there, running around doing a lot but accomplishing nothing at all. She is in the game, making lots and lots of tackles but pleasing no one. She is definitely not doing anything spectacular. This girlfriend will slowly bore you to death.
NT Shaun Smith reminds me of your new fling which has some hope, but she has a track record of being with a lot of different people in just a short amount of time, not sticking with anyone. She is a red flag indeed. This girlfriend may provide you some fun but in the end this girlfriend will leave you heartbroken and empty-handed just like all the ones before you.
NT Ron Edwards reminds me of the girlfriend who tries really hard, but does not have the body type you like and is obviously miscast, like an arranged marriage. She shouldn’t be your girlfriend, she should be your colleague or good friend. She tries hard because she has to, but she is not a good fit and isn’t getting the job done. She’s your only option and you’re hers. This girlfriend is strictly platonic.
So instead of going to church (the draft) and getting a good girl who is highly sought after, Pioli, and you, hit the bars (free agency/waiver wire) and pick up the damaged goods looking to get lucky in order to help fill the hole that is your rushing defense. Some of you may remember the name of the NT we signed mid-season who was out of football for six years. He was like the girlfriend that no one at the bar wanted and you were so desperate and drunk that you actually thought you could make a go of it, only to release her three weeks later. Anyone remember his/her name? I don’t, and that is how you know you had too much to drink. (Seriously, anyone remember that NTs name?)
The Chiefs had the chance to pick up some true NTs or ILBs in the draft (church), but ultimately, it appears that Scott Pioli loves the girls he has now and the ones he is going to pick up at the bars. They are heifers, but they are his (your) heifers.
So remember, when the Chiefs are being gashed up the middle for 10 yards a pop by mediocre RBs; Pioli and you have no one to blame but yourself for hanging out at the bars and holding on to your bad relationship(s). You should have gone to church (the draft) to find your true love, the one that can fill the hole in your heart (the heart of the defense that is).
The author of this post intended it to be in jest and it is not meant to be a true reflection of how your girlfriend really is. I am sure your girlfriend does not suck.