Kansas City Chiefs Doppelgangers

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John Dorsey—Duke Nukem

Nov 24, 2013; Kansas City, MO, USA; Kansas City Chiefs general manager John Dorsey watches warmups before the game against the San Diego Chargers at Arrowhead Stadium. The Chargers won 41-38. Mandatory Credit: Denny Medley-USA TODAY Sports

If the apocalypse occurs in my lifetime, I’m immediately doing two things:

(A) Celebrating the Chiefs’ Super Bowl win.
(B) Befriending Duke Nukem and John Dorsey (assuming Tyrone already called dibs on Joe Rogan).

Both men are unshakable, square-jawed ass-kickers who look like they can kill you 31 different ways with a Tic Tac.