If I Inherited The Kansas City Chiefs


This is a mulit-part series (unless I get bored with myself which is likely).

Anyway, sometimes when there is nothing on my satellite dish and I don’t have anything else to do, I lay back in my La-Z-Boy, take a sip of Jack Daniels and pretend I have just been notified by official means that I have inherited the Kansas City Chiefs organization, and all the rights that come along with it.

It’s a stunning revelation.

The possibilities it opens up, the opportunities that it presents are mind boggling. Nobody gives a crap how it will change this Arrowhead Adventurer’s life,  but I’d like to take some time to go over the changes I, as new owner, would initiate.

People are going to get fired, budgets are going to be restructured. It isn’t going to be an easy process.

Today let’s focus on the changes that will take place in Arrowhead Stadium itself.

Sure, the old girl just underwent a major overhaul, and I like what I see for the most part. But the changes I’ll make in today’s post reflect a little more on increasing the comfort of the new administration.

1. The Wolf Pack restaurant or whatever the hell it is on the parking lot has until the Packers’ game to vacate the premises. They can take the sign with them; it’s the new Arrowhead Adventure retreat for my buddies, AA staff, and loyal AA readers who smooch my butt enough. Food is free, drinks are reasonably priced. Don’t stand talking in front of the big screen.

2. The Drury Inn is now the Arrowhead Adventurer Inn. Now I don’t have to drive home three hours after the game so I can get as drunk as I want. Arrowhead security will take me back to my room, nay, entire floor, after the game in one of those pretty cool four wheel drive golf carts. You guys can stay there too but book early. Positive feedback on my post gets you a suite.

3. Tailgating starts Saturday morning for Sunday games. Parking is now only ten bucks, because that’s what I want to charge. Five bucks of that which will go to gambling on NFL games in Vegas. Don’t worry, the pass will say $5.00 so I’ll cover it.  Come and go as you please. I’ll walk around Arrowhead for two days sampling goodies so have something good for me.

4. Walking around? Hell, I’ll be riding around in a specially designed RV with a hot tub on the roof for me and the cheerleaders. Pioli will be driving (I’ll tell him he gets to keep his job and string him along for a couple of weeks until I hear back on some of his potential replacements).

5. Color commentary will be by yours truly for the Monday night games. Some Sundays if I’m not hung over. I’ll have plenty of help from head cheerleader Jena.

6. Get to your seats early, there will be a military fly-over before every game. I’ll be in the Stealth since I’m buying the gas. It’s the Stealth bomber not fighter, so I can drop bags of Arthur Bryants BBQ (in little foil bags to keep the ribs warm) tied to little parachutes. If you don’t get one just stop by the landing strip where the gold parking section used to be and Jena and I will fix you up good when we land.

7. (You fill this one in, I’ll give you free reign, I’m busy interviewing for a head coach and general manager. Shhh).

So what do you think, Addicts? What would you add to the list?