Dear Coach Haley,
Before the upcoming playoff battle in Arrowhead Stadium, I would like to assume the role as spokesperson for the Chiefs Nation, and more specifically the Addicts here at Arrowhead Addict. I know that we need no introduction as you probably read our site as often as anyone else, so I will spare rehashing things you already know; for instance that we are the best Kansas City Chief’s blog on the internet. During your mid week preparation I feel that it is our duty to let you know a few things that we feel very strongly about concerning your organization, and the team you have built these past two years.
First and foremost we would like to say congratulations for the season you and your team have had. It has been very exciting for all of us to go through the ups, downs, and situational head scratching to ultimately finish the season with an AFC West title that we all take pride in. It has been too long since we tasted sweet victory over our rivals, and this year has been the light at the end of a long black spiraling tunnel our fan base has traveled through the past several years. For this we are grateful.
Remember as you read this that although we have no monetary ties to the team other than the countless millions we have invested in Chiefs paraphernalia, tickets, parking passes etc, we have just as much emotional and personal investment in this team (and possibly more) than any one of your players or staff members. We are the reason that your team exists, and the tax money from Jackson County is the reason you have an awesome newly renovated stadium to play in. On top of that the legendary home field advantage you gain from us is feared throughout the NFL, and is one of the reasons you and your team will not be watching the playoffs from home this year. So although this letter contains things you may not want to hear from us, I feel you owe it to the Addicts to continue reading…
As far as the offensive coordinator situation is concerned, we understand that breakups are hard and the split with Charlie Weis is probably difficult for you. We want to offer you our sympathy, and hope that you can get through this tough time without debasing yourself to calling and leaving an embarrassing amount of voice messages, or playing 80’s love ballads on your boom box outside of Charlie’s window. There are other coordinators in the sea, and it was not meant to be. Remember: If you love someone, let them go to Florida. If they come back then they are yours forever. Until that happens think of us as your metaphorical shoulder to cry on. Please know that we understand that it is difficult to work with someone after a breakup, but the focus needs to be on winning this game against the Baltimore Ravens. We cannot afford another horrible showing from the Chiefs because it is now awkward for you and Charlie to see each other in the halls and at team meetings.
I think that at this point in the head coach/fan base relationship we can now talk to you about some things we see that we feel need to change going into next week’s playoff matchup. Do not take these as polite suggestions. These are demands. I know this sounds a little harsh, but I do not think we have been direct enough with you and you need to understand that we only want what is best for the team. Sometimes it takes an outsider’s perspective to see what you cannot. Please read the list below as I have them itemized them in order of importance:
Number One: You must win this game. Besides the fact that we have placed a lot of our hearts into this team and need to advance in the playoffs, you CANNOT allow this glorious institution and its supporters to set a record for playoff futility. Seven straight “one-and-done’s” is not a record we will allow our team to hold. Period.
Number Two: Jamaal Charles needs to be the starting back for the game against the Ravens. Write this down. See, it is not that we hate Thomas Jones, but it is time to dance with the girl that brought you. The Chiefs have the best rushing attack in football because they have a running back that is rivaling Jim Brown in yards per carry for a single season and for an entire career. This is someone special, and to win against Baltimore he will need to be your featured back. Jones can still be in the game for relief (hopefully after many 50+ yard runs), but it is time to let Charles take over as lead back.
Number Three: Andy Studebaker needs to start over Mike Vrabel. Understand that we are not questioning the work ethic, leadership, or career of Vrabel. If you watch film from games, which obviously you do, it should be obvious that Vrabel cannot rush the passer like he used to and gets beat in containment around the edge more often than not. Our team cannot afford to have Mike out there with Rice being the strong back that he is. He needs to be in the game only to spell Studebaker.
Number Four: Although I have been a strong supporter of your four down territory philosophy, a lot of the Addicts have not. In a playoff game against a team like Baltimore it is imperative that KC scores every time they are in scoring position. We have a good kicker in Ryan Succop a.k.a. “Mr. Irrelevant,” and if the winds are not swirling take the points. This is not a game where you can afford to be garish and try to teach your team something. I know they have learned enough from this year that they understand what to do if you get into a situation where you must go for it on fourth down. There is no need to press this issue to the detriment of your playoff run.
I hope these demands are not offensive to you, but as long as you follow them to the “T” we will not be upset if you are displeased with us for bringing it up. We feel that they are fair demands and not without merit. We understand that you are a person of great pride, so we understand that we may not get credit for the positive results they produce. We do not require any praise for helping the team. We simply want to see another Super Bowl trophy in the Hall of Honor at Arrowhead. I do not think it is too much to ask for after 40 years of waiting.
With all of that business out of the way I do want you to know that we are going to be at the game in full force as a part of the Sea of Red in the greatest damn stadium in the NFL as we root for the best damn team in the NFL. We will be tailgating the night before if security allows, and be full of piss and vinegar every time Flacco and company take the field. We will try our damnedest to throw those crows off of their game to give the Chiefs every advantage possible. We are looking forward to being part of the success of this team in the playoffs more than anything.
Again we would like to thank you for being an integral part in bringing this team from obscurity into the ratified air of the postseason. It feels good to be a Chiefs fan again. Good luck, and as always GO CHIEFS!!!
Nick Rodgers on behalf of the Arrowhead Addicts
P.S. Please find enclosed a special honorary Coaches Arrowhead. You are receiving this because Bill Belichick will win Head Coach of the Year and you deserve some recognition. I stole if from Paddy’s secret stash, but I do not think he will mind…