Building a SlamBall roster of KC Chiefs players

The unconventional 2000s sensation Slamball is returning in 2023, according to the sport’s founder. No one asked, but who would appear on a Kansas City Chiefs SlamBall team?

The Kansas City Chiefs are still in the early days of training camp, just donning pads this week. Seeing players going faster and harder certainly has fans excited. But, if Chiefs fans wanted to see these gridiron idols in another violently thrilling setting, SlamBall would be the sport.

A bizarre league, SlamBall is returning in 2023 according to SlamBall’s founder Mason Gordon. Spike TV started broadcasting the sport in 2002, and SlamBall occasionally graced national broadcasting channels ever since. The sport found a foothold in Chinese markets in 2015 and has gained popularity ever since. Gordon credited fans with bringing SlamBall back to the United States, after years away.

“There have been all kinds of people clamoring for SlamBall to come back. There has been #BringBackSlamBall media, viewed over 200 million times in the last 12 months. So, I’m ready to announce next summer, 2023, SlamBall is coming back, live!”

It is hard to take SlamBall seriously, but imagining popular athletes on the trampolines is tantalizing. How would Blake Griffin fair on the court? What about LeBron James, or Zach LaVine? Dunking is key in SlamBall, so that soon leads to the best dunker in Kansas City sports history, Tony Gonzalez.

Dunking over the goal post counts right?

Gonzalez, a former basketball player, popularized the celebration in Kansas City. The NFL eventually made rules against the celebration but seeing Gonzalez’s vertical energized fans and teammates for years. If he could do it, surely current Chiefs players could.

SlamBall hardly takes much finesse, rather a brash approach to the best parts of basketball: three-point shooting and dunking. If the Chiefs, in some bizarre alternate universe, became a SlamBall team, who could fill a ten-man roster?

Patrick Mahomes

It would not be a Chiefs-anything team without Mahomes on it.

Kansas City’s half-billion-dollar man is an exceptional athlete and has famously appeared on the basketball court. While the team discouraged his extracurricular activity in basketball. Mahomes schooled some pickup competitions this summer.

Imagine what he can do jumping 10+ feet in the air.

Travis Kelce

For the vibes, height, and trash talk. Oh, and Kelce is pretty good at catching passes too. An alley-oop from Mahomes to Kelce is already easy enough.

Marquez Valdes-Scantling

If fans think MVS’ length on the football field is already a mismatch, think about it on the basketball court.

Orlando Brown 

All 6’8″ of Zeus’ frame would be a problem for his opponents. Just hope he does not land on you.

Creed Humphrey

Creed is good. Nothing more.

Khalen Saunders

Saunders has some amazing athletic feats for a man his size. From backflips to cartwheels, Saunders would fit in well on SlamBall’s playground.

Joshua Kaindoh

The Chiefs drafted Kaindoh mostly off his athletic profile. In a sport that really only requires athleticism, Kaindoh would do well.

Leo Chenal

“I’m addicted to hitting people. I love it. I can’t get enough.”

Chenal said that. Give him an opportunity to hit people.

Joshua Williams

Tall, rangy, plus already has the hops to dunk. Sign Williams up ASAP.

Juan Thornhill

Another athletic defender, Thornhill lead his high school team to the Virginia 1A state finals. He would bring some semblance of legitimacy to this team.