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CBS Sports’ supercomputer picks Chiefs to win big over Dolphins

By Matt Conner

HAMBURG, GERMANY - JUNE 07: An employee of the German Climate Computing Center (DKRZ, or Deutsches Klimarechenzentrum) poses next to the 'Mistral' supercomputer, installed in 2016, at the German Climate Computing Center on June 7, 2017 in Hamburg, Germany. The DKRZ provides HPC (high performance computing) and associated services for climate research institutes in Germany. Its high performance computer and storage systems have been specifically selected with respect to climate and Earth system modeling. With a total of 100,000 processor cores, Mistral has a peak performance of 3.6 PetaFLOPS. With a capacity of 54 PBytes, its parallel file system is currently one of the largest in the world. The DKRZ's robot-operated tape archive has currently a capacity of 200 petabytes and allows for long-term archiving of climate simulations such as those carried out with respect to reports by the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change. (Photo by Morris MacMatzen/Getty Images)
HAMBURG, GERMANY - JUNE 07: An employee of the German Climate Computing Center (DKRZ, or Deutsches Klimarechenzentrum) poses next to the 'Mistral' supercomputer, installed in 2016, at the German Climate Computing Center on June 7, 2017 in Hamburg, Germany. The DKRZ provides HPC (high performance computing) and associated services for climate research institutes in Germany. Its high performance computer and storage systems have been specifically selected with respect to climate and Earth system modeling. With a total of 100,000 processor cores, Mistral has a peak performance of 3.6 PetaFLOPS. With a capacity of 54 PBytes, its parallel file system is currently one of the largest in the world. The DKRZ's robot-operated tape archive has currently a capacity of 200 petabytes and allows for long-term archiving of climate simulations such as those carried out with respect to reports by the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change. (Photo by Morris MacMatzen/Getty Images) /
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ENIAC or whatever the accurate supercomputer over at CBS Sports is called is predicting big things for the Kansas City Chiefs on Sunday.

We’d like to say an early apology to the Miami Dolphins. We’re sorry that you have no chance at all on Sunday. The supercomputer has spoken and the results are in: you are going to get pulverized.

CBS Sports apparently has some incredible accurate super-processor computer that they use to clone sheep, print fake dollar bills to woo Tony Romo into retirement and pick NFL winners each week. The record of the computer is so good that it’s reportedly better than even the smartest humans ever, including Pete Prisco. It even went 14-2 in the last week alone!

This week the computer is apparently in love with the Kansas City Chiefs. Although the Chiefs are already favored by 10 points over the visiting Miami Dolphins, K.C. is still expected to beat the spread, as it has in the majority of sims ran this week.

"According to the model, the Chiefs will get almost 250 yards and two touchdowns from quarterback Alex Smith, while Jay Cutler will throw two picks for Miami. The Chiefs win 80 percent of simulations straight-up and cover the double-digit spread well over 50 percent of the time. Back the Chiefs with confidence in Week 16."

We actually agree. Whether it’s Alex Smith versus Jay Cutler, Andy Reid versus Adam Gase, Kareem Hunt versus the ghost of Jay Ajayi, Tyreek Hill versus a slower guy from South Florida or Travis Kelce versus Julius Thomas’s latest injury, the Chiefs are just a much better all around team. If we have money and we have to bet, we’re taking the Chiefs even at a 10 point spread.

So there you have it, folks. Back the Chiefs with confidence. That’s the word. The computer has spoken.

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