K.C. Chiefs “Taking a Fifth”

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Sep 17, 2015; Kansas City, MO, USA; Kansas City Chiefs fans show their support during the second half against the Denver Broncos at Arrowhead Stadium. The Broncos won 31-24. Mandatory Credit: Denny Medley-USA TODAY Sports

The Hideous Five Orange Pips

If you’re having trouble figuring out this year’s K.C. Chiefs, so am I. They’re a total mystery. A mystery that I loved, is called the Five Orange Pips. It has a Sherlock Holmes reference about the KKK… so this is probably the perfect time to relate a personal saga (because almost any story is probably more exciting than the Chiefs this season).

It was around 1976 when I came out of a K-Mart, or some such “We-sell-crap-Mart” store, at the corner of 23rd St and 291 in Independence, only to find a flyer advertising an invitation to a “Meet and Greet with the KKK” plastered on the windshield of my car. Can you imagine? A recruiting flyer for the Ku Klux Klan… right in the middle of Independence.

Having grown up in California, and having only left home 5 years earlier, I was in shock to find that something as hideously archaic and socially repulsive as the KKK was blatantly attempting to recruit members at a local shopping center. Being young and blind to such things… I thought the KKK no longer existed… but boy was I in La-La land.

I’ll segue to another “hideous” Kansas City area story that involves five pips as well: the Chiefs five very offensive linemen.

I must confess, I’m completely over being an Alex Smith apologist because… his fate, Andy Reid’s fate and the offensive line’s fate… shall all be forever linked. Think twice before clicking this hideous link.

They’re so bad that I find myself turning my head and looking away from the TV like I was driving past a burned out car wreck of maimed and mangled bodies. No one wants to see it… and no one wants to miss it.

LT Donald Stephenson gets credit for causing the Charcandrick West fumble. Otherwise? Meh… and please don’t argue with me because “Meh” is the best grade you can possibly give to Stephenson.

LG Ben Grubbs… one fan observed that Floyd made Grubbs his bit** on Sunday. I couldn’t have said it better myself.

C Mitch Morse looks like he’s fallen back down to earth after beginning the year strong. “He’ll be back and better next year too” (that’s the best of any pep talk a K.C. Chiefs fan will have with themselves at the moment).

RG Zach Fulton is the weak link in a very weak chain. Call them the Chain Gang because they look like they’re playing with a ball-and-chain tied around their legs.

RT Eric Fisher. Ah, the Eric Fisher soap opera continues. No Emmy buzz yet. No buzz at all. Just a very, very low hum… as in… “Hmm?” “Hmm…” → may turn out to be the best the Chiefs offensive line has to offer this year.

Chiefs Taking the Fifth in a Court of Law and Order

Jack McCoy:

Do you mean to tell me you are unwilling to take the field against the Minnesota Vikings?

K.C. Chiefs team:

Jack McCoy:

Maybe you didn’t hear the question clearly… Are you unwilling to take the field when you play the Minnesota Vikings?”

Andy Reid:

I object your honor, the prosecution is badgering the witness.

Judge Judy:

Mr. Reid, your objection is noted. Please be seated before I slap you with your own playsheet.

Judge Judy to the K.C. Chiefs team:

Gentlemen, are you taking the fifth?

K.C. Chiefs team:

Andy Reid:

Your honor, if I may, I would like to take the fifth FOR my clients.

Judge Judy to Andy Reid:

That won’t be necessary. And don’t you have some actual game planning to do?

Judge Judy to Clark Hunt (sitting in the gallery):

Sir, do you have anything you’d like to say on behalf of your team, or your coaches?

Clark Hunt:

Inspiration… so often comes from the top.

~ ~ ~

Top Five unused topic titles: Five-Six Pick Up Sticks, The Fifth Dimension, Five Best Sports Excuses, Five in a Row and Gimme Five.

Bottom Five unused topic titles: Five O’clock Shadow, The Jackson Five, Channel 5, Hawaii Five-O and The Dave Clark Five.

What do you think Addict fans? Feel free to use any of the unused (or used) topic titles above to respond to this cheery cell block bathroom wall “epistle.”