Oakland Raiders And Their ‘Wondrous Energy’ Get Nominated For A Participation Award


Nov 2, 2014; Seattle, WA, USA; Seattle Seahawks fans hold signs outside the Oakland Raiders tunnel during pre game introductions at CenturyLink Field. Mandatory Credit: Joe Nicholson-USA TODAY Sports

The Oakland Raiders are the like the gothic kid who strikes out in kickball.

Like I’ve said before, the Black Hole is like a chihuahua’s bark. They think they’re terrifying; outsiders think they’re annoying.

Yes, Melvin, you, your mascara and Fisher-Price spikes are bone-chilling. Nothing screams intimidation like a 40-year-old IT consultant dressed like an emo Jack Sparrow.

In honor of the Raiders’ 15-game losing streak, Redditor choppersmash shared this gem:

I don’t know why, but “wondrous energy” being used in conjunction with “Raiders” makes life that much better.

Chin up, though, Oaklanders. I’m sure another influx of (overpaid, deteriorating) big-name free agents will headline the offseason—each champing at the bit to get some of that Dumb and Dumber To money.

There’s no doubt that Santonio Holmes will spearhead a comeback for the ages by this point next season, causing all 53,000 Captain Morgans to pelt the competition with a hailstorm of couch coinage.

At this point, “Black Hole” has never been more fitting, because Oakland-Alameda County Coliseum is the abyss of football.