Study Finds Chiefs Fans Love Tech N9ne, Broncos Fans Love Hipsters

Billboard is a staple of the music industry. So when it enlisted the help of Facebook’s data miners, gathering which fanbases liked particular artists/bands more than their peers, I was interested to see the results (and crossing my fingers that “Kansas City Chiefs” wasn’t above “AC/DC”).

For the most part, the AFC West was well represented. Chiefs fans were linked to local rapper Tech N9ne, who spits syllables like a rhythmic Tommy Gun and, in terms of topics, leaves no stone unturned. He’s one of the most dynamic artists to ever emerge from his genre.

Snoop was the choice for Oakland Raiders fans. Aside from being a hip-hop mogul, he also dubbed De’Anthony Thomas “Black Mamba.”

Obviously, Snoop Dogg will always trump Snoop Lion (or whatever he’s calling himself this year). Snoop Dogg was a melodic magician, imbuing every instrumental with a nursery-rhyme-like quality. Snoop Lion is…something that’s not Snoop Dogg…but is. It’s like an existential riddle.

The San Diego Chargers were represented by Bob Marley—a man who, despite passing away in 1981, has sold over 75 million records. In the history of music, only a handful of artists can be labeled “transcendent”; Marley is one of them. He brought reggae, as well as his sense of serenity, to the masses.

He was basically the antithesis of San Diego’s quarterback, whose future autobiography will be titled Philip Rivers: I’m All Jacked up on Mountain Dew.

Thus far, three fanbases; three respectable choices.

And then there were Denver Broncos fans.

Adorable.

Watching football is like getting a testosterone injection. Listening to Maroon 5? Estrogen shot.

Considering iTunes Radio force-feeds their singles every 20 minutes, they obviously make catchy music. “Catchy” and “good” aren’t one in the same, though (NSFW).

So I wondered, what’s the relation between football-loving Broncos fans and Maroon 5? And then it clicked.

Peyton Manning is a Denver demigod. Peyton Manning also has an elongated forehead—“fivehead,” if you will.

And whenever he removes his helmet…

Maroon 5.

Mystery solved.

But keep your chin up, Denverites. At least you don’t love Nickelback, who apparently has a monstrous Colts following.

Following.

Following.