The Chiefs’ Spooky Season II


Every season has a life of its own. Last season was more like death than life, and what’s scarier is that this season is worse than that.

Let’s take another look at how this Chiefs season has turned into such a hollow weenie. Frankly speaking, where’s the beef frank? So, we pay homage (or vomit) to another Chiefs’ very spooky season.

The Nightmare Scenario
Nancy (Matt Cassel) is having frightening nightmares about a scary character (pick an opponent, any opponent) who wears a glove with sharp finger knives (no, not Edward Scissor-hands). She finds out that all of her friends (unfortunate teammates) are having similar dreams. Then, her friends begin to die (honestly, they don’t want to play with you any more) and Nancy realizes that she has to stay awake to survive (fans are still waiting for the “right-53” to wake up). Finding out who the dream-time killer is (spoiler alert- it’s Scott Pioli) and his connection with the children of Elm Street (One Arrowhead Drive), the girl plots to draw him out into the light-of-day (however, the sly devil only appears once a year on groundhog day, which is the real nightmare lived over and over and over again).

The Horror Sequence
Matt Cassel, the head case… Matt Cassel, the head injury… Brady Quinn, the head case… Brady Quinn, the head injury… Matt Cassel…………..

The Trick
The Chiefs changed head coaches toward the end of last season, only to re-hire that coach when the season was over. There’s a famous quote by Robert Anderson that goes,

"“In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage.”"

Can anyone find the “grounds for marriage?” That’s the trick.

BTW, Romeo… “simular” is not a word. There’s no “u” in the word similar. Never has been. Maybe that’s the problem: none of his players know what the hell he means when he tells them he wants them to play “simūlar” to the Patriots. Hey RAC, try this short phonics lesson: [sim-uh-ler], spelled similar. However, I hope the Chiefs next head coach is totally “dis-simular” to you.

The Treat
Yes, Red Grange, the Galloping Ghost, was one of the best players in the history of the NFL. My father used to speak of him fondly. His greatness help establish the league a a big time attraction. Do the Chiefs have anyone like that on their roster? Well, the real treat, being a Chiefs fan these days, is watching Jamaal Charles, H&H (Houston and Hali), and Derrick Johnson. Beyond that, cheering for the Chiefs is mostly either cheering for the ghosts of Chiefs greats of the past or hoping for the future ghosts of Chiefs that could be. I hear many Chiefs fans being challenged but, be of good cheer. Why? Because it beats the alternative.


The Land of Make Believe
From January to September of this year, the spark of title hopes went on a Disney World Fantasy-land adventure. Many of the following thoughts could be heard, in a whisper or in a blog.

  • The Chiefs had one of the best offseasons in the league.
  • Scott Pioli is one of the best GMs in football.
  • The KC Chiefs have one of the best rosters in the league.
  • Matt Cassel will be better this year.
  • The Chiefs are going to be one of the best teams in the NFL, in 2012.
  • Clark Hunt really does want to win.
  • The KC Chiefs have one of the best rosters in the league.
  • The KC Chiefs will win the AFC West Division.
  • The Chiefs will contend for the AFC Championship.
  • The Chiefs got their stud NT and now are Super Bowl contenders.
  • The KC Chiefs have one of the best rosters in the league.

So much for make-believe. I guess to be a Chiefs fan, you have to be very good at that.

Black Cat Award

When the Raiders Richard Seymour slammed Matt Cassel to the ground late in the game it was the reason why many, like Tamba Hali, say that the Raiders play dirty. In my opinion, he should have been thrown from the game. The league keeps saying they want to protect players, especially the QB, and then they allow plays like that. It casts a negative light on the league. Shame, shame. Bad karma. Bad luck.

Grim Reaper
“I’m Bad, I’m bad, you know it.” The most recent loss to the Raiders, the sixth in a row at Arrowhead, marks the end of the Chiefs season. There’s not one particular aspect of the Chiefs game that shows any consistency. Except that they’re consistently bad. After a two-week off period you would expect the Chiefs to come out and show their long time divisional adversary who’s boss. The only thing the Chiefs got from the Raiders is: Stanford Routt, who played but not very well and Kevin Boss, who didn’t play and won’t until next year. As Woody Allen once coined, “I’m not afraid of death. I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” Chiefs fans know just how that feels.

Haunted House
Arrowhead Stadium has turned into a house of horrors… for the Chiefs! The Chiefs have lost eight out of the last nine games in the once hallowed halls of the best 12th man in the NFL. Is there anything to be learned from such a record? Maybe not. However, just as I believe that the San Diego Chargers are stuck in a suspended state of “here-we-go-again” and can’t shake it, I think the Chiefs are getting dangerously close to becoming a perennial loser as an organization, such as the Cleveland Browns.

The potential QB controversy is flipped on its head for the Chiefs. In fact, whichever QB hasn’t been flipped on his head gets to hope he doesn’t have to go back in the game. It’s a cartoon fall classic in which the re-animated characters consider dismemberment a “re-requisite” for the role. It’s not a question of who’s up next but, who can get up at all. Then again, the patchwork QB position for the Chiefs has had trouble getting it up for years, even decades, now.

“How do I loathe thee? Let me count the ways.”
The thrills are too many to mention. However, Jalil Brown and Javier Arenas tie for what has become the Chiefs’ real mantra: want some points, here take these. Forget that HC Romeo Crennel changed the sign on the Chiefs locker room wall last week. He thought it would make a big difference for the Chiefs players, to state things in the positive. In reality, this year’s version of the Chiefs slogan should read “Give Until It Hurts.” “Give” as in, give the game away. “Hurt” as in, it hurts us that we can’t find more ways to give the game away. To this degree, they are filled with self-loathing.

Pigskin Vampires

The real blood-letting is the Chiefs being lead-less through seven games. The pressure of having no lead at any point during the season is too much for any defense. If you’re on defense, you not only feel like you have to stop the opponent every time out but, create something yourself if you’re going to have a chance to win. On offense, the mounting frustration creates friction among offensive players and a rift with defensive players. How could it not? If the Chiefs lose three of their last nine games (even Vegas would take those odds), they will guarantee themselves of their fifth losing season in the past six. A stretch in which they are currently 28-59. When you’ve lost more than twice as many games than you’ve won, over a six-year period, it’s not enough to say you’re not very good. “Time to make a change,  for once in my life.”  Sing it, Michael! Insight from the grave.

The following… is exactly what I wrote a year ago. Does it have a spooky Rococo-deja-vu-repetitious-redundancy about it? Yea, I know.

The Best Ghost Impersonation
“Why is it that Scott Pioli always seems to do a disappearing act during the season? OMG… I just realized why we can never get him to answer direct questions…. (he is a ghost).”