Zombie Cassel And The Attack Of The Kansas City Chiefs


Matt Cassel played his best game as a Chief Sunday when he lead his team back to a victory over the Indianapolis Colts. He was unstoppable. Unbelieveable.


After two weeks of scary good play, I’ve decided to rescind the Matt “Sand” Cassel nickname.

From now on, he’s Zombie Cassel.

Why? Because every time you think his ass is dead, he comes back from the grave.So I am going to stop throwing dirt on Cassel’s tomb every time he has a few bad games because then he just messes it all up by having a good stretch of play.

And plus my arm is getting tired from all that shoveling.

Andrew Luck,  Andrew Schmuck.

Luck, as good as he might be, will still be a rookie in 2012 and will likely require a couple of years of seasoning before he is ready to lead a team to a Super Bowl. Besides, who REALLY knows how good the kid will be anyway? All the experts were going on and on about how Cam Newton would never be a good QB and now they just look like a bunch of dicks.

That is the way it is in the NFL with QB’s.  You just never know. There are no sure things.

Frighteningly more, after the jump.

Take Matt Cassel. Who is this guy?

He goes out there for the first two weeks and looks like worst QB on the face of the planet and then two weeks later he kicks into “Zombie Mode” and starts winging the ball all over the dang field. He utilized three receivers effectively against the Colts. THREE. I thought we had just figured out that he was a “one target and check down” QB and then all of the sudden he is completing clutch plays to Keary Colbert?


No, I much prefer Zombie Cassel. Zombie Cassel is awesome. He knows the playbook, he has experience and he seems to have figured out that if he just heaves the ball in Dwayne Bowe’s general direction, the dude will come down with it.

Teams can’t game plan for Zombie Cassel. He might come out and playing poorly and then, just when they’ve been lured into a false sense of security and they start playing the happy, “we survived the zombie apocalypse” music, Zombie Cassel comes bursting through a window or something and starts eating Norv Turner’s brains.

Then he discovers that Novr Turner has no brains and starts eating Philip Rivers’ brains.

So for the rest of the season, let’s forget about all the QB talk. Slash the tires on the Andrew Luck bandwagon. Forget about seeing Ricky Stanzi.

Just make some popcorn, sit back and watch Zombie Cassel. As we all know, Zombies are contagious and the longer Matt Cassel is free to wander around the KC locker room, the greater the chance he’ll start biting his teammates. Then we won’t just be watching Zombie Cassel.

We’ll be watching the Zombie Chiefs.

Come to think of it, I think it might have already started.

Have you seen Todd Haley recently? He’s not looking so good.

And Bill Muir. Look me in the eye and keep a straight face while telling me Bill Muir doesn’t look like he could be the walking dead.

See? You can’t do it!

Thomas Jones’ career was put on life support two years ago and yet yesterday he averaged 5.5 yards per carry. Are you trying to tell me he might not be sporting the powers of the walking damned?

What other dead Chiefs will soon be coming back?

Dexter McCluster?

Barry Richardson?

Derrick Thomas?

I don’t know. But something is going on at Arrowhead Stadium. If Zombie Cassel is able to continue his reign of terror, it could be a very scary October for the rest of the AFC West, culminating with the demise of the San Diego Chargers in a  Monday Night Football bloodbath.

On Halloween night!