The 2013 Chiefs Are 8-0, Deal With It!
By Laddie Morse
The optimist fan says the glass is half full.
The pessimist fan says the glass is half empty.
The conspiracy theorist fan wonders who took the other half.
The partier wants to know what’s left in the glass, and would like the rest.
The guy no longer trapped in the matrix touts, “There is no glass!”
The fan support group for obsessive compulsives (ESPN) postpones the question until the level is checked, and re-checked again, and again, and again… then comes up with 1,000 different but completely “true” answers and none of them have anything whatsoever to do with the Chiefs.
The phobic fan says, “Someone drank out of that glass and left his germs on it, yuuuck!”
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Being half way through the season and having not lost a single game, is atypical territory for the Kansas City Chiefs and their growing group of followers. If you have friends or relatives in other regions of the world, or local friends and relatives who are fans of less fortunate teams, you may be hearing a variety of “excuses” from them filled with their concocted reasoning for the Chiefs success. Excuses which they nervously offer like witches wooing neighborhood kids in to sample their toxic treats, sadistically searching for someone to believe them. In the mean time, the Chiefs are perfect, and their teams are not, and there’s nothing they can do about that.
Do you think that for one minute that every team in the league wouldn’t relish the opportunity to be the one to knock off the only unbeaten team left in the league? The fact that each team is head hunting for the one perfect team is reason alone to send some respect the way of the Kansas City Chiefs.
But respect is absent in middle earth and it’s absence is epidemic.
Some NFL fans seem to want an apology. They howl that the Chiefs have had an easy schedule or that their success is based on a whole bunch of lucky breaks. These are likely the same people who live in between and also scream “no fair” because the league has so much parity. You can’t have it both ways.
Is this a league in which any team can beat any other team on any given Sunday… or isn’t it? And if you answered yes, it is, then why would you also pout and shout that the Chiefs aren’t as good as their 8-0 record indicates that they are.
Since there are probably those out there wanting an apology from Roger Goodell or the scheduling committee, how about one from Andy Reid’s twin brother Sandy Reid? You know Andy consults with him on all Chiefs matters so if Sandy says it, you can bet Andy thinks it too.
Now this… from Sandy… with liberties.
Dear Non-Chiefs Fans,
On be”half” of myself and Andy, I would like to pologize for the Kansas City Chiefs victory over the Jaguars. That 28-2 mugging was nothing like our true and real nature… I think. We didn’t really mean to hold Maurice Jones-Drew to 45 yards rushing total that day. I’m sure it was a mrstake that our over-achieving defense made the 2011 NFL rushing champ look like “Swee Pea” with his diapers forever at his knees. Also, we’re aware QB Lame Gabbert, the Jags first round pick a couple of years ago, was trying to make a statement but I guess our pass defense accidentally played better than they really are that day holding him to only had 121 yards passing. If you’re upset, I understand completely.
In week two we beat that mucho superior NFC East team, thee Dallas Cowboys, at home. I know they usually come in here and win here but it was kinda like a high school homecoming game for us so I’m sure ya’ll understand that when we only beat them by one point, we never thought the football Gods would ever be upset over that little mistake. I don’t want the football Gods any more upset than they already are with us so let me make several things perfectly clear about that game.
We didn’t intend to:
+ whip them in 3rd down efficiency,
+ sack Tony Romo 4 times,
+ gain over 3 times as many yards rushing as them, and
+ score every time we were in the red zone.
After all, we committed twice as many penalties as the Cowboys and gave them a 2 ½ minute time of possession lead but they just kept giving the ball away. Twice I recall.
Now, I really hope you can cut me some slack for beating the Eagles. I know that rascal Chip Kelly was supposed to bring that new fangled super-sonic offense to the league but my boys just couldn’t help themselves.
I know many of you who are sad, and concerned, and confused, and humbled, and panicked, and frightened out of your freakin minds… about what’s going on in Kansas City are from back east or from Coloraduh. So, when I say that the New York Giants are a pitiful mess I hope it won’t get the Manning family a-feuding again. For us Chiefs to lose that game I would-a had-ta take half of our starters out behind the shed and put some buck shot in em so dey cudn’t playz dat weak. An I is not gunna do dat to no one on my’s teem. Dat’s why dey likes me so much-n-stuf n K.C..
Still, when you beat a team 31-7… dagnabbit, who should be apologizing to who?
When we went to play the Titans in Tennessee you have to know that once a group of guys start getting some winning momentum going they can be dangerous and then it doesn’t matter what I do.
They just, win anyway. I try to stir them away from all that college-hoorah “team-work” spirit flibbertygibberish. But once it takes hold… it’s a lot like glue in a paper factory.
The Raiders: that’s who this next paragraph is bout. They should apologize to… well… everybody. Why? Because they’re the Raiders that’s why! Besides we never pologize fer beating “them.”
Now, last weekend, we became the team with the best record in all the NFL. Top of the Power Rankings. Better record than the Broncos, the Packers, the Saints, the Patriots and so on and so forth. So, now, I would like to pologize… for you. That’s right, it was only one week ago and now I have to pologize for you having forgotten just how much better the Kansas City Chiefs are than any of your favorite teams.
Shame comes to mind. You should be ashamed and I would like to pologize for that … for you.
Lastly, I would NOT like to pologize for beating all the teams we were supposed to beat. If we had not done that… we wouldn’t have heard the end of it from you! However, since we did beat them all… and you’re sad because apparently your team has something called “losses” attached to their record… you can’t find a way to shut up about that either… so you try and use the Chiefs for the scape goat for all that’s wrong with your own life. Ask me later and I can suggest some perfessional help.
I hope this pology was gud for you… it was sure gud fer me!
Signed,
Sandy Reid
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National media does everything they can to stay away from offering the Kansas City Chiefs up as one of the elite teams in football. Take the show “Inside the NFL.” On last weeks show, Cris Collinsworth suggested a top five ranking of the best “units” in football. They just can’t handle talking about the Chiefs or breaking down some of the great developments that are happening to the Chiefs. It’s too bad really, as one of our AA bloggers pointed out last weekend: the story of the Chiefs from last year to this season — so far — is “the” feel good story of the NFL in 2013. And nobody is noticing.
Anyway, back to Cris Collinsworth’s petty “unit’ rankings. Since each team has an offensive and a defensive unit then all teams would deserve 2 rankings in the 64 possible. Here are the units he ranked and his top five landed this way:
1) Chiefs Defense
2) Broncos Offense
3) Panthers Defense
4) Texans Defense
5 Colts Defense
Phil Sims ranked teams this way:
1) Broncos Offense
2) Chiefs Defense
3) Seahawks Defense
4) Bengals Defense
5) Saints Defense
Visiting co-host Dan Marino ranked units as such:
1) Broncos Offense
2) Seahawks Defense
3) Chiefs Defense
4) Seahawks Offense
5) Packers Offense
These rankings open the door for the “Inside the NFL” crew to talk about all the other teams they want to talk about and none of the teams they don’t want to talk about. How investigatively astute of them. Which brings me to another issue: the monstrous difference between today’s sports reporters and the sports reporters of yesteryear. But, that’s another post for another day.
However, the Collinsworth ranking does leave at least one interesting question: is the Denver Broncos Offense better than the Kansas City Chiefs defense? If the Broncos score below their per game average in 3 weeks in Denver does that mean the Chiefs defense wins? If the Chiefs defense allows more points to the Broncos than they normally allow per game, does that mean Denver’s offense is better?
Neither would be right and the answer is likely somewhere in between.
For instance, if the Chiefs defense keeps the Broncos offense down to 24 points that has to be considered a win of sorts for the Chiefs. However, no one will be counting it a win if the Chiefs lose that game.
That’s the problem with ranking systems like that and the weekly Power Rankings (which is nothing more than a BCS style opinion). What the Chiefs have done right now… is pull rank.
They sit atop the only ranking system that matters: the standings, wins and losses.
The Chiefs are the only unbeaten team in the NFL… TODAY! The one exclusive team without a loss. Period.
If you’re a Chiefs fan, shame on you if you’re not utterly enjoying this. If you’re not a Chiefs fan, well, stick around and enjoy the pain… the K.C Chiefs are 8-0 so, deal with it.
Riddle me this?
Why did the, 5-1 Pats lose to the 3-3 Jets?
Why did the, 4-3 San Diego lose to 2-5 Texans?
Why did the, 6-2 Bengals lose to the 3-4 Browns?
Why did the, 5-2 Colts lose to the 3-4 Dolphins?
Why did the, 4-3 Bears lose to the 2-5 Washington team?
Why did the, 7-1 Broncos lose to the 5-2 Colts?
Good teams lose to teams with worse records all the time, every week. Except the Kansas City Chiefs so far in 2013. Oops, we’re sorry because we’re not apologizing any more! How co-dependent of us! At least Chiefs fans are nice about it.
On the other hand… the Chiefs are 8-0 so… deal with it!
So, Addict fans, have you had to deal with any wishy washy Wendy Whiners of the world because of your perfect Chiefs?