My Short-Term Christmas Wish List

I hope all of you Addicts had a relaxing and fun holiday! This is the second greatest week of the year – not much work to do (hopefully) and lots of good food and family. The only week that is better for us Addicts is the week before the first regular season game – now that’s what it feels like to be a kid on Christmas morning!

Alas, we do have one final game to play before we can put this hideous season behind us, plan for the draft and then let hope spring eternal, once again.

After gaining 507 total yards and scoring just 13 points last week (how is that even possible?), we truly have seen it all this season. So with literally nothing left to play for and with just about a zero chance of beating Peyton Manning and the Denver Broncos this Sunday, here are a few fun things I’d like to see in this last game. It’s my short-term Christmas wish list for the Chiefs.

Show me your emergency quarterback! Remember when Romeo pulled that now-classic chess move on the entire NFL, by refusing to reveal who is emergency quarterback was? Well, the season is just about over, and frankly, I don’t think the Broncos give a donkey’s ass (I know that is redundant) who our fourth quarterback is. So for my first Christmas gift, I hope Brady Quinn, Matt Cassel and Ricky Stanzi play a little joke on Romeo and all lay down early. Quinn gets the first series, because really, we now know everything we need to know about Quinn. He’s a great guy, a great teammate and a pretty decent third string quarterback. Cassel gets a series, just because he’s a great guy as well, and some teams may want a last look at him in case they need a backup quarterback next year. Stanzi plays the rest of the first half. I mean really, we need to see if Stanzi has what it takes to be our long-term third string quarterback, given his prowess in wearing a headset and making secret but important markings on a clipboard (memo for off-season blog post: could Quinn v. Stanzi for third string QB be one of the best position battles of the 2013 pre-season?) After all three QB’s fake an injury, Romeo’s hand will be forced. Who is our secret weapon?! Addicts want to know! My money’s on the human Swiss Army knife, Dexter McCluster, or perhaps Steve Manieri, who is slowly and quietly learning every position on the offense (you know, like a restaurant manager will do – one stint at each job, from busboy to dishwasher to line cook to chef).

DiMarco’s DiNow! Patrick DiMarco is having a great showing at fullback, opening up gaping holes for Jamaal Charles. We need to expand his role, to take advantage of his terrific blocking skills. Here’s my second Christmas gift request: I want Brian Daboll to line up DiMarco out wide, with Jon Baldwin right behind him. That way, DiMarco can block whoever is defending Baldwin, in advance of Baldwin running his route. This may literally be the only way for Baldwin to get open. As a corollary gift, Daboll should just go ahead and put the technology from that classic Christmas gift, the remote controlled airplane, right into the football. This little tweak should solve Quinn’s downfield accuracy problem.

Bring back Mike Vrabel! Wait, what? Mike Vrabel?! Yes! I’m serious. Vrabel shares the record for the most career sacks of Peyton Manning, with ten. Vrabel is now the defensive line coach for the Ohio State Buckeyes, but because of their past transgressions, the Buckeyes are ineligible for any bowl games. In other words, Vrabel is available! I’d say sign him to a ten day contract and let him do his magic on Manning. And if you go way back into your memory banks, you’ll recall that Vrabel would sometimes line up as tight end for the Chiefs, where we are particularly thin right now. This move makes total sense. Mike Vrabel, you’re our only hope. Pioli, sign the man.

Addicts, our long, lonely and demoralizing season is almost behind us. What would you like to see in this final game of the Pioli-Crennel era?! Happy New Year, Addicts!