2012 NFL Draft: Tomahawk Awards
By Laddie Morse
It’s Draft-mas Eve and it’s time for the First Annual NFL Draft: Tomahawk Awards.
The Tomahawk Awards are given to the characters involved in the 2012 NFL Draft who most likely will succeed at… distinguishing themselves… in ways that no one, not even themselves, would have suspected.
This year’s awards include:
The Ryan Leaf “The Thief” Award– this award will help identify the prospect who could end up distinguishing himself in the field of law: on the wrong side of it. You could call this award the boob award because it’s giving the player way too much respect to call them a bust, as in, busted.
The Jim Brown-Nose Award– this award goes to the player who is mercilessly fawned upon by media mongers. This is accomplished of course by specifically calling them the… best prospect ever (or at least in 15 years) at a particular position. Since some sports analysts do this nearly every year, although it’s mathematically impossible, it’s something they love to say to garner attention.
The Tom Brady Award– a late-round prospect who has the greatest potential to become an excellent quarterback. A QB who could beat the odds.
May I have the envelop, please:
This year’s awards also include:
The Ocho Psycho Award– this award will go to the prospect who is most likely to tweet. For them, the game of football mostly exists for the purpose of their own digital self-aggrandizement.
The Wes Welker Award– this goes to players who will not likely be drafted, but probably should be. These players… when further investigated… should have been drafted and even drafted fairly high but they never got any hype. And in the end… they are successful.
The Terrelle Pryor Award– this goes to a player who… might-possibly-maybe-could… opt for the supplemental draft, and who also has great promise.
May I have the envelop, please:
This year’s awards also include:
The Terrell Owens Award– don’t hold back the tears… this is the cry-baby award. “That’s my quarterback” while gushing crocodile tears is memorable and frankly, needs an award. I also wish I could erase that memory from my brain.
Ryan Sims Award– the interior lineman with the ability to raise the hopes of Chiefs fans the highest, while simultaneously scaring them the most, because of his com-bust-ability.
The Philip “Cry Me A” Rivers Award– this is not about crying; this award goes to the biggest whiner. The squeaky wheel may get the grease but, that’s because it’s so darn irritating.
May I have the envelop, please:
This year’s awards also include:
Jerry “The Cow Pie” Jones Award– this goes to the player who is likely to be drafted more for their hype than their actual ability. This award also represents the player who gets drafted because a GM/owner wants them, against the coach’s better judgment.
The “I’ve Fallen and I Can’t Get Up” Award– this goes to the prospect who is most likely to fall down the draft board on draft day and get drafted much lower than everyone expected. Shhh! Here’s a tip: we don’t have to wait for draft day for this one.
The DeMarcus Ware Award– this goes to the player who has gone flying up the draft board, from farther down than any other prospect. Because they are actually very good.
May I have the envelop, please:
This year’s awards also include:
The B-L-T-J Award– this goes to the NFL team whose recent drafting tradition is so bad it can guarantee they will not be going to the Super Bowl anytime soon. This award is dedicated to, and named after, the four teams who have never been to the Super Bowl: the Browns, the Lions, the Texans and the Jags.
The… university most mentioned as being able to beat an NFL team as if that could really ever happen which is the stupidest thing you’ve ever heard except they say it about some college team every year… Award– it’ll be redundant to say this but, it’s self-explanatory.
May I have the envelop please:
Alright, Addicts, are there any other awards” you’d like to add to the list this year?
**A special thanks to Tony Rangel for the Tomahawk banner and graphics. You rock!**
Click on Tony Rangel to visit his site.