John Elway Wants Punk Band To Change It’s Name

Former Broncos QB John Elway

According to Yahoo Sports, John Elway is a vain douche bag.

Oops, I mean, according to Yahoo Sports, Hall of Fame QB and Denver Broncos Donkeys vice president, had his lawyers contact a Fort Collins, Colorado punk band about changing their band name.

Why is Elway concerned about the name of a punk band?

Because they are calling themselves “Elway.”

First of all, why would any punk band, grocery store chain or male stripper want to go by a crappy name like “Elway?” It sounds like a Spanish candy bar.

Anyway, apparently Elway (the douche, not the band) actually cared enough about this to have his lawyers call these guys.

In other news, here is a list of companies that I will be suing for using the name “Allen” without my permission:

Allen Refractories Company

Allen and Young Business Brokers

Allen Business Investments

Allen Camper Manufacturing Company

I will also be suing the City of Allen. Not only am I insulted that they would name their city after me without asking my permission, but I am offended by the phrase “do business IN Allen” on their website. I don’t want anyone “doing business” “IN” me. I’m also disturbed that this city is located in Texas.

Lastly, I will be suing former Chiefs RB Marcus Allen as well as professional bowler, Patrick Allen.

Who the hell does this guy think he is? He'll be hearing from my lawyers.