Top 10 Things I Think Are Probably True
News is slow and my brain is taking the day off but I am going to make a feeble attempt at putting together a post for you guys. I am a big fan of lists so here is a list of 10 things I think are probably true, even if I don’t have any proof that they are.
Here goes:
#10:
Al Davis has actually been dead for 12 years but is being kept alive using a secret formula he developed in the 70’s.
It consists of the tears of a baby, the ground up bones of a kitten and a lock of John Madden’s hair. Al puts all this in a blender, adds ice and goats milk and drinks it every morning. For some reason, this concoction keeps his heart beating but it doesn’t keep him from decomposing before our very eyes. As long as John Madden keeps drinking whatever the hell it is he is taking to ward off death, Al will be ok.
#9:
Norv Turner is the new Marty Shottenheimer.
Seriously, why can’t this guy get his team over the hump? He has pretty much every weapon imaginable. The Chargers roster is so stacked that they had the balls to trade up in the first round of the draft to pick a running back when Mike Shannahan will gladly tell you that as long as you have blocking, you can have a productive running game with any combination of average backs carrying the rock.
The Chargers of the 2000’s will be forever be linked with the Chiefs of the 90’s as the team that despite a ton of talent, never won the Super Bowl.
#8:
All the people complaining about Todd Haley’s sideline demeanor will shut the f up if he starts having as much success as Bill Cowher did in Pittsburgh.
No one in Pittsburgh, or anywhere else for that matter, gave a crap when Bill Cowher’s chin extended 75 feet out into the middle of the field as he unleashed a tirade of swear words and curses that would make Richard Pryor blush.
Honestly, what a bunch of hypocrites. When a coach is a winner he can say whatever the hell he wants and he is just “passionate” and “hard nosed.”
When he loses he is “a jerk” who “needs to control himself.”
This is the NFL for goodness sake. If these guys can’t handle getting yelled at how the heck are they going to be able to handle a 350 pound man sitting on their face?
#7:
The NFL has gotten too arrogant for its own good.
This whole pending lockout thing is absolutely ridiculous. I have refrained from talking about it too much on AA because it makes a vein in my head throb so hard that I think my brain might explode but I have had enough.
In an economy where men are camping out on the sidewalk for days for a chance to get a job as an elevator repairman (happened here in NYC) it is absolutely unforgivable for a bunch of millionaires to be fighting over money.
Trust me, the NFL doesn’t give a rats ass about you or me. If they did, they would stop being hard asses about Sunday Ticket and would offer it up at a reasonable price to cable companies. If they cared about you and me, we would all be able to get NFL Network.
Hey NFL, here is a news flash. A good portion of the people buying your product are the same type of folks who lined up on the sidewalk and slept there in hopes of getting a job. Good, hard working Americans who have made your sport their national passtime. They work hard and all some of them want is to relax, have a beer and watch their favorite team play football on Sunday.
If you take that away from them, there will be a reckoning. If you think you are too popular meet the same fate as MLB you are dead wrong
#6:
Beer companies have a really low opinion of their customers.
Seriously. I am a big beer drinker. I am amazed at the crap I see on beer commercials these days. All they are is a barrage of cliche crap. The men are stupid, sexist pigs and the women hate sports and have to keep the dumb men in line. Seriously. I am insulted by 99% of the beer commercials I see now a days.
Nothing is worse the ridiculous gimmicks they are coming up with. The Coors Light “cold activated can” or whatever it is called. Seriously? The mountains turn blue when the beer reaches a certain temperature? Are you kidding me?
Hey Coors, I don’t care if your beer can sprouts arms and shines my shoes once the beer reaches a certain temperature! I still am not paying any money to drink your crap-tastic beer.
And you Miller Light! WTF is going on with your “spiral bottle neck” thingy? Have you guys seen these commercials? Miller has a beer bottle that has spiraling ridges in the neck so that the beer spins around in the bottle before spinning into your mouth and making you want to throw up by how watered down and flavorless it is.
I just checked. It is called the “Vortex” bottle. Look at this crap!
Miller! WTF does this have to do with ANYTHING?! Who in God’s name cares how their beer flows out of the bottle? If I were to actually drink your terrible, terrible, beer, I would probably choke half to death because instead of just getting a sip, I would have an avalanche of piss water being thrust down my throat by your stupid bottle.
Why don’t you try concentrating on making beer that doesn’t suck instead of beer bottles that no one cares about?
#5:
Big Ben is a scum bag.
Guess what, Ben? You don’t get accused of rape by 2 different women in 2 different states unless you are up to some shady crap. Forgive me if I don’t believe you went to a college town to hang out with “regular” people. You went into that bar and bought an underage girl a bunch of shots for a reason and it wasn’t an honorable reason.
#4:
Lawrence Taylor is guilty.
There is just no defending this one. I saw his lawyers on the Today Show. What a couple of morons. When asked about the damming words the police used when explaining why they arrested Taylor, one of his wonder lawyers responded and I am paraphrasing here, “You know, people walk in to court all the time after the DA or police give a speech like that and they get acquitted.”
Yeah. Because that is a defense.
If I go shoot Josh McDaniels in the face with a pellet gun right in front of a judge and jury and they arrest me I can just get these guy to use the “sometimes guilty people get off defense” for me.
Listen up, LT.
You know how you get mixed up with an underage prostitute and a pimp when you didn’t mean to?
YOU DON’T.
Unless you did mean to.
Say hi to Bernie Made-Off for me.
#3:
The Chiefs have a plan for nose tackle.
I don’t know what it is. I don’t know when it will be executed. It might be a Ron Edwards/Shawn Smith platoon. If might be a guy we haven’t even heard of yet.
I just know Scott Pioli is no dummy. He knows the team needs to stop the run and he knows all the DB’s in the world aren’t going to be enough to get it done. It is ok to worry but trust that Pioli has a plan.
#2:
AA is turning in to something really special.
We are getting more and more feedback on a daily basis, our comments are up and our staff are some of the most dedicated guys out there.
We’ve developed a really nice base of hardcore Addicts and I just wanted to say thanks to all of you for the kind words, encouragement and activity. You guys rock!
#1:
Josh McDaniels used the scouting function on Madden NFL 2010 to prepare for the draft.
He must have. He really must have. Trading up to get Tebow? Taking Tebow in the first round!!
What I figure, is he got reports back that Tim rated an 89 in carrying, an 85 in speed and a =n 82 in throwing power and decided he was a can’t miss prospect.
Once he finishes signing his rookies, however, McDumbass is going to find out that Tebow’s awareness rates at a 17 and his potential is an F.
I am guessing McDaniels will set up a TV and Xbox on the sideline and will use the “Ask Madden” feature to call plays.