Herm's Torturing Days Are Over, But What's Next?

The days of torture in America are over. Just days after Barack Obama made the executive order to shut down Guantanamo Bay, Chiefs GM Scott Pioli made one to shut down Herm Edwards. Most of us are jumping for joy, knowing that this coaching imposter can never “Harm” us again with his unique brand of torture. But…

Like with Gitmo, the Chiefs have to make sure they clean up the mess without making things worse.

I think Scott Pioli is up to the task. I like how he’s handling things so far. He appeased both his new boss and the fans in his handling of the Harm situation. Given that Clark Hunt wanted Herm to stay and most fans desperately wanted him to go, Holy Pioli played both sides masterfully. I agree with Jason Whitlock’s stance on this one. Joe Posnanski, get a grip, dude. No need to cry for Herm and his $3 million golden parachute. I wish life was that “cruel” to me. You don’t want to get fired? Then don’t go 6-26, you loser. If any of us were that unefficient at our jobs we’d get canned, too. What’s really cruel is that Chiefs fans like you and me splurged on Chiefs tickets and NFL Season Ticket only to be tortured by Hermball.

Anyway, in order to fix this mess, Pioli must first find the right head coach.

ESPN’s Chris Mortensen is sticking to his Mike Shanahan story.

NFLN’s Adam Schefter is swearing that the Shanny story is nonsense.

My gut tells me to trust Schefter on this one. He’s a former Broncos beat writer, and I think the NFL is more concerned with accuracy while ESPN is more concerned with the story.

So, no, I don’t think Shanny is going to be walking through those doors anytime soon (which Peter King is now backing up). I would take him with open arms if he did, though.

In his worst season ever, Shanny won six games. That’s two seasons worth of work for Herm Edwards! In 15 full seasons as a head coach in the AFC West, Shanahan went .500 or better all but two times. In those seasons he won six and seven games. He made the playoffs seven times, the conference championship three and won two Super Bowls. His record was 22-7 against the Raiders, after they fired him and he swore vengaence. Wouldn’t you like him to do that to both the Broncos and Raiders in Kansas City. I hate those franchise more than I ever hated him, so I could put my personal feelings aside for the greater good.

And like Upon Further Review points out so masterfully, great offenses definitely can win championships.

But Shanahan to the Chiefs is a pipe dream, folks.

Nor do I think that one of the Bills — Cowher or Parcells — will walk through that door either. I’m still convinced, and hoping, that our guy is Todd Haley.

I also like Leslie Frazier of the Vikings. Frazier is an outstanding coach who coached under Andy Reid, Marvin Lewis and Tony Dungy before landing his current gig. He was with Dungy when the Colts won it all, and was the man behind the improved play of that secondary. Most importantly, I like what I’ve heard about his interview in Detroit. From the Detroit Free Press:

"“I can tell you this: We had a difference of opinion in how we saw the current Lions and going forward,” Frazier said today during Senior Bowl week. “That was probably the biggest thing in my interview. We had a different perception.”In what way?“I’d rather not get into it, but we had different perceptions of the future — where to go and the time to get there,” Frazier said. “We were really far apart in that.”Did you think it was a bigger job than they did?“I don’t want to say,” Frazier said. “But I just would say that we had a different philosophy and (vision) for two years from now or a year from now.”"

That’s music to my ears. The Lions are the franchise that waited about four years too long to fire Matt Millen. The Lions are the franchise that just hired Gunther Cunningham and Scott Linehan. With those two hires, are they trying to lose? Apparently, even the Lions said he interviewed great. I just don’t think the enjoyed the horse pill of reality he made them swallow. The Chiefs have been masters of self-deception for far too long. We could use someone like Frazier (or Haley).

Unfortunately, despite the Rooney Rule, I don’t think Kansas City is progressive enough for the Chiefs to hire a second consecutive black head coach. I’m actually not sure that it’s ever even been done in the NFL, and I’m pretty sure we won’t be the first to do it. Come to think of it, I can’t really remember it being done in even the NBA. I don’t think Frazier will be our next coach. (Correction: Jim Caldwell was a Head Coach in waiting for the Colts — avoiding the interview process — but that still counts. That also just happened. Thanks, Whir.)

And then there is Chan Gailey. Gailey is kind of like the Ron Paul of this coaching search. He’s Tom Cruise getting nominated for a Golden Globe for Vermieling off in Tropic Thunder. Most of us realize that he isn’t a serious candidate, nor should he be.

You don’t get canned more than Tuna because you’re NFL head coaching material. You just don’t. I actually think the suggestion is somewhat laughable. Gailey’s Arrowspread offense won one game, and that only happened because Tom Cable gave the Chiefs a freebie touchdown on that idoitic fake field goal attempt. The Arrowspread is Arrowdead. It made watching Harm’s team almost bareable, but that’s about it.

What about Jon Gruden? Yeah, he’s just the guy you want working with a young quarterback, which is exactly what we will have whether we stick with Tyler Thigpen or bring one in.

Kirk Ferentz, Paul Pasqualoni and Ron Rivera are also potential candidates. Out of the three, I prefer Pasqualoni because of his long-time relationship with Pioli and experience in the pros. He’s almost a mixture of Ferentz and Rivera, actually.

Only time will tell who our next coach will be. For now, I’m just glad Herm Edwards can’t waterboard me every NFL Sunday. Even in HD, that sh** hurts.

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