Cowher-Vick 2009 (A Post-Game Report Requires An Actual Game)

I loved this morning’s “The Fanatic Focus,” but for me the only step in the right direction is to end the Herm Edwards–Brodie Croyle era at the end of this season. I’d prefer to do it now, but keeping Herm-Brodie as the lame duck ticket for the rest of the season might make the Chiefs the favorites to pick first in the 2009 draft. Patience, old man, patience. You see–I’ve got it.

Rash decision? Not hardly. I’ve been wanting to come out and publicly denounce, reject, whatever the Herm-Brodie combo since last year, but buckled under reader pressure until I had more ammo. I now have that ammo. In relationships, we always have that “it’s over” moment. That moment that we desperately avoid when we want things to work out, but eventually can’t. While watching game film today (I had to stop because the pain was so agonizing), I realized that I’ve already had those moments with both Brodie and Herm, despite the season still being in its infancy. I’ve known all along that both were longshots, but deep down I convinced myself that there was still a shot. I can no longer do that after what I’ve seen.

George Costanza always said “it’s not you, it’s me.” Well, Herm, Brodie, it’s not me, it’s you. I’ve tried to convince myself over the past two-plus years that you guys are the duo who will take the Red and Gold back to the Super Bowl. Unfortunately, I’m not a very good liar. I now know unequivocally that this project is doomed, and here’s how I know…

The Herm moment was when he seriously thought he could sneak in a 5’9″ practice squad receiver and run the option in an NFL regular season game. For a second there, I though Mark “Mighty Mouse” McMillian had made his triumphant return. Then I realized it was Marques Hagans. So, we have one of the highest-paid battering-ram backs in the league, and not only do we run Larry Johnson 12 times–mostly to our weaker left side and on excruciatingly predictable first downs–but we squander five of his carries so Mugsy Bogues can play Michael Vick (more on him in a minute)? No serious pro coach would even entertain such a foolish idea–that’s a college gimmick.

The Brodie moment was when he went down with a game-ending injury for the third time in seven starts. No serious quarterback option is out of commission almost 50 percent of the time. If that’s not enough, just look at his 0-7 record. J.T. O’Sullivan is 1-1 playing with the 49ers. The guy sounds like a chain of restaurants and only Mike Martz was crazy enough to want him, but at least he’s won.

We want to play smashmouth football? Well, we’re not getting the job done. We want to have a mobile quarterback who can boot out, make plays with his arm and legs, keep the chains moving, stay healthy and take care of the football? Well, we’re not getting the job done.

I know a knew ticket that would get the job done. Bill Cowher–Michael Vick!

Cowher has Kansas City ties, and after coaching for so long in Pittsburgh coming back to Kansas City would be the next closing thing to going home. His teams are always good, and he knows both defense and offense. The guy pulls off more tricks than the Red Light District, folks, especially offensively. With our defensive line and outside linebackers (Demorrio Williams and Derrick Johnson), we could even move to the 3-4. Hey, it’s working pretty well for the Cowboys, Pats and Steelers, isn’t it? He would also instantly rejuvenate a lethargic fan base.

Speaking of rejuvenating a fan base, enter Mike Vick. Sorry Kansas and Missouri fans, but there are only two non-NFL quarterbacks in the MO-KS area that we should be interested in, and their names aren’t Chase Daniel and Todd Reesing (just say “no” to system byproducts!). They are K-State‘s Josh Freeman and Leavenworth Penitentiary’s Michael Vick. Freeman might declare early if he continues on his current 2008 trajectory. Vick will be released, barring a setback, between May-October 2009, likely getting out in time to suit up for the 2009 season.

Say what you will, but Vick has paid his debt to not just the NFL, but also society. You can’t say the same about one Pacman Jones. I also think that Vick is a better person than Pac and the like, one who ultimately fell victim to the company he kept and enabled. What he was involved in was terrible, but he didn’t paralyze a person like Pacman, and he’s paying a much higher price. Look at Jamal Lewis, who did hard time due to keeping some bad company. He came back a new man; contrite, humbled and refocused. I think Vick will do the same. Remember, both were pinpointed by authorities as guys that examples could be made of. Vick is paying his price, and, if you ask me, he deserves another shot.

In Cowher we’d have a Super Bowl-winning coach who wouldn’t be willing to come back to many other teams, but I think he’d return to Kansas City in a heartbeat. In Vick, we’d have a former No. 1 overall pick and the greatest running QB in NFL history, and for what price? Just his “discount” salary, not a No. 1 pick (which is probably what we would have to give up to get fan favorite Brady Quinn). A lot of the league will avoid him like Shaun “Big Baby” Rodgers does salads. We’d be free to spend our top-five pick on another stud offensive lineman or middle linebacker Rey Maualuga. All of a sudden, L.J. and Tony Gonzalez are worth keeping around because we are a playoff contender. Maybe not in 2009, but definitely in 2010. Dwayne Bowe can play Hines Ward and Jamaal Charles can play Fast Willie Parker. Tell me it wouldn’t work. Nah, don’t–I won’t believe you anyway. This would work.

It starts here, at Arrowhead Addict. The campaign for the 2009 Cowher-Vick ticket. Not just change for the sake of change, but change we can believe in. Rebuilding the Red and Gold to glory!

Post-Game (If You Can Even Call it That) Thoughts:

Damion Sackintosh has to go. Good call on McSack, Chris.

Bernard Pollard is a beast. He’s always been one of my faves (he was in the header last season), but he’s pretty close to being my favorite at this point. Blocked punts, stripped balls, jacked-up hits, fumble recoveries, impossible Run DMC chasedowns–the guy is a player. I see him being the leader of our defense for years to come. Guys with his heart and passion don’t come along every day.

Poor Marques Haggans. He’s allegedly a pretty decent slot receiver for a guy who’s relatively new to the position. What he is not, however, is an NFL quarterback. Dude needs a highchair to see over the line.

Poor Tyler Thigpen. He needs to pull a Haggans and move to receiver full time. Watching Thiggy Smalls play quarterback is like listening to Ashlee Simpson sing live.

Poor Adrian Jones. Not only was he not blessed with exceptional talent, but he has to play next to Sackintosh.

Poor Tony G. If we do not make a bold move such as the Cowher-Vick ticket, we need to do what the Dolphins did for J.T. and send him to a contender. We owe it to him.

Poor L.J. 12 of the most predictable rushing plays I’ve ever seen called behind half an offensive line and laughable quarterback play. Larry is a 20-30 carry feature back who gets stronger as the game goes on, as he gets into a rhythm and beats down defenses. You see how Marion Barber runs late in games. L.J. used to do that, too, but he can’t now. Why? Because we haven’t had a freakin’ lead since Week 14 of last year. Remember what he did when we had a lead in the Chicago preseason game? Let’s be honest here, if you’re calling for Larry’s head, then you just don’t like him. That doesn’t bug me, just have the stones to come out and say it. This is not his fault at all, and I would worry more if he didn’t bitch. Like his mom said, Larry loves football and wants to earn his paycheck. How about we let him?

Pat Thomas is a stick-a-finger-in-the-dam job. Let’s get back to reality, shall we?

Goodbye Donnie Edwards. Hello, Done-ie Edwards.

Brodie Croyle is fragile, but tough. Damon Huard is not tough. I’d like to say more, but we are a family-friendly site.

D-Bowe is fine. He played great on Sunday.

Tamba Hali. Color me concerned.

Jarrad Page, like Keith Olbermann says on Countdown, you got “Bushed!” (hat tip to Zach on that joke) A.) Use your arms and hands and wrap up when you tackle, son. B.) Never, ever quit like you did on that Michael Bush TD. I hope everyone laughed at you during game film. That was embarrassing. I’m embarrassed for you, kind of like I was for Ben Stiller during Meet the Parents.

The Brandons are progressing quite nicely.

Chain Gailey, if Herm is President Bush, then you’re Dick Cheney. If we’re fighting a War on Terror, we’re losing. Your offense terrifies me!

Tank Tyler, you are living up to your nickname, friend. Keep it up, big fella. We may have gotten a steal due to character concerns.

Turk McBride wasn’t the only Chief who got kicked in the stomach Sunday–the rest of us did, too.

I think we used Kolby Smith too much. It needs to be Larry and Jamaal Charles–Thunder and Lightening.

Turk, hurry back. Alfonso Boone was terrible at defensive end.

Was that Al Davis smiling, or was that a posthumous involuntary muscle twitch? That was sickening. On that note, I’m dead, too…

What are your thoughts on the hypothetical Cowher-Vick ticket?