Herm Edwards just woke up from five-year long nap

SRS Distribution Las Vegas Bowl - Wisconsin v Arizona State
SRS Distribution Las Vegas Bowl - Wisconsin v Arizona State / Ethan Miller/GettyImages

Forgive us for having it wrong, but our assumption was that Herm Edwards had been paying more attention all along.

Given that Edwards is a former head coach for the Kansas City Chiefs, albeit not for the longest span of time, we believed that the former defensive back would have followed along with the ascent of his former employer. It even made sense to assume that he'd come back to K.C. from time to time to hang with those still at Arrowhead who were around in those days to stick around and get a taste of the current dynasty.

While technically Arizona State has been paying Edwards to stand on the sidelines on Saturdays and look like a head coach for part of that time period, he's somehow simultaneously been taking one long extended nap as well. In fact, using context clues like my old Hardy Boys mystery books taught me, Edwards seems to have been asleep for the last four or five years.

That sounds ridiculous, but we can't think of any other reason why Edwards would be spouting the folllowing while appearing as an analyst on the NFL on ESPN.

Here's the full text of Edwards' statement in the video above:

"Every week, you’re somebody’s big game. You’re the hunted now. Everybody is gonna play good against the Chiefs because they know they’re the world champions. And that’s what you gotta understand and these players have to understand, they’re gonna get these opponents’ best game every week. That’s 17 games that people are going to be up to play you to try to beat you and that’s what you have to guard against. You can’t have a letdown, because you’re good enough, you’re talented enough to go right back to where you went last year. But the problem is can you keep your energy level up week in and week out."

Yeah, that quote is from May of 2023 and not May of 2019. While everything that Edwards said is technically true, it's also redundant. It's akin to a TV analyst saying Michael Jordan belongs to be included with some of the greatest basketball players ever or Stanford Routt was not quite the best free agent signing in Chiefs history. Yeah, Herm, do you have anything new to say?

What's amazing is how empassioned Edwards sounds for this 30-second rant with every ouce of vim and vigor a coach can muster. It's as if he's applying for a spot in someone's locker room, like a rich white guy is gonna hear him and say, "Get me that motivational wizard!" without actually hearing the substance of his monologue. "The Chiefs are going to have to be ready for motivated opponents!" Slow down, Herm! We're taking notes!

Our best guess is that somewhere around 2028, we'll get another rant from his appearance on a show called NFL on ESPN Germany in which Edwards will yell, "This Mahomes kid is going to be a good one, I tell ya!" Until then, sleep tight, coach.