The Kansas City Chiefs are a clean 2-0 after the first two weeks of the season, even if the second W in the column left us all with 20 percent less cumulative fingernail volume. The OT win against the Colts was a good reminder that, no matter how good we think this team is, they are going to keep it interesting at times. Last year's 6-11 finish and the fact that we had to watch Chris Oladokun start for multiple weeks may have dulled the senses a bit, but we should by now have a crystal-clear recollection that these guys are going to put us through the wringer emotionally, even when the end result is pure, unbridled exultation.
Being 2-0 feels good, all things considered. But are we considering all things? I know what you're thinking: "That's deep, Charles." Not as deep as, say, the ocean. Walk with me for a little bit while I explain to you why we should have some real concerns about the Chiefs' upcoming two-game block leading into their Week 5 bye.
Chiefs have proven they can handle land-based opponents
You may be thinking to yourself, "Is this personnel-related? Where are we going here?" Just shut up and let me drive, Ms. Daisy. This is not about the health of Mansoor Delane or the general whereabouts of Josh Simmons. It's not about the thought of Mahomes' knee eventually having some sort of inflammation and us losing our collective shit over that, or about Travis Kelce eventually looking 36 years old. It's not about the concern over what happens if we put 100,000 miles on Kenneth Walker and never bother to change his oil. These concerns should have been noticed when the football gods, aka Roger Goodell's competition committee and marketing teams, put the NFL schedule together back in May.
The Chiefs are 2-0 against two teams with very similar genetic backgrounds. Both employed one of the most horse-resembling humans ever in John Elway as well as Peyton Manning, and have experienced success only during those periods. But, more importantly, both mascots are in the equine family. It's clear that, in memoriam of the greatest football horse of all generations, Warpaint, the Chiefs have found dominance in the horse-heavy portion of the early-season schedule. So what are we worried about?
But does Andy Reid have a Navy?
The Chiefs' next two opponents—the Dolphins and Raiders—are not only on the road, they're also at sea. For those unaware, real-life dolphins (not the Miami variety) are fish-looking creatures that are actually mammals and had a hit TV show made about them in the 1960s. They are allegedly intelligent (although I, as a non-scientist, am unsure of how we know this) and enjoy sex as well. They seem like a pretty chill species, but, again, they inhabit water. Raiders are pirates, albeit unsuccessful ones, as the Somalian variety and Captain Hook have certainly stolen the spotlight from them when it comes to occupational notoriety.
Two consecutive opponents on the road whose homes are at sea? Trouble may be afoot. The Chiefs have displayed an admirable propensity for offensive success both on the ground and through the air, but do they have a proper Navy? Are their ships prepared to take on seafaring opponents who are both submerged and topical when it comes to their strategic aquatic locations? Does Kansas City even have an armada at all?
Only time will tell whether or not this team has a full arsenal of land and sea capability. We should have seen this coming, no doubt. But as the Chiefs exit the equine-based portion of their early 2026 schedule, we should rest on the fact that Patrick Mahomes likely did a lot of pool-based rehab while prepping for his return from knee surgery. Kenneth Walker is from Arlington, TN, which isn't too far from the Mississippi River. And Travis Kelce is married to Taylor Swift, who is wealthy enough that they've likely taken vacations near the ocean before. That experience alone should get Kansas City through this early-season thalassic gauntlet.
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