The world will be a completely different place when Patrick Mahomes’ contract is up.
2020 may have decided to turn itself around this past Monday morning, when Adam Schefter reported via Twitter that Patrick Mahomes had signed a contract that would link him with Kansas City for an extra 10 years. This contract would start once the final two years on Mahomes’ rookie contract is up, meaning that this contract keeps the best player in football in Kansas City until 2032.
The world is likely to be very different in 12 years, especially with as quickly as society moves now thanks to social media and modern communications. What all is slated to happen before when Patrick Mahomes even has to consider a contract extension? We take a look at the next 12 years of human history and the foreseeable events that will transpire.
Patrick Mahomes will turn 36
Mahomes will still be 6 years younger then Tom Brady is now (42) and barring some injuries or an unprecedented level of regression, nothing could stop Mahomes from playing for as long as Brady did.
Meanwhile, while Mahomes turns 36, Betty White will be 110 years old, Queen Elizabeth II will be 106, Noam Chomsky will be 103. Somehow President George Bush will only be 86, same as Trump, Vince McMahon, Sylvester Stallone. Kanye West will have two kids old enough to drive, with North West turning 19 that year and Saint West becoming 16, while Kanye himself hits 55.
Andy Reid will be 74, and thanks to his press conference from Tuesday, we know he will still be coaching to the best of his ability. Around the league, Belichick will turn 80, Bruce Arians 79, Jon Gruden will be 68, Sean McVay will be barely 46, and somehow Kliff Kingsbury will be 52, although I am not entirely convinced that he has aged since 30. As if he was not already out of touch, Roger Goodell will break the big 7-0 before Mahomes’ new contract, which should worry any NFL executive.
Kids born in 2014 will be old enough to vote. People born in 2000, like my younger brother, will be turning 32. Kids who are 9 and 10 now will be drafted the same year that Mahomes’ contract will expire. Meanwhile, I will be turning 34, which now that I think about it, brings my mortality into perspective and that is not the type of stress that I need added into my life right now.
12 Super Bowls Later
Hopefully by the time that Super Bowl 66 happens, Patrick Mahomes will have a new contract in place to carry him through the end of the career, and he instead gets to enjoy winning yet another Super Bowl in peace.
Football is not the only entity in the sports world that continues on over the course of the next 12 years. If we assume the UFC continues to operate on the same schedule, we will be watching UFC 395, where Conor Mcgregor, now 43, will come out of retirement for the 14th time and fight Joe Rogan, who is fresh off of hunting turkeys with his bare hands and choking down a whole bag of protein powder. Dana White will be 62, Jorge Masvidal will be 47, Khabib Nurmagomedov will be 43, and Stephen A. Smith will still know nothing about combat sports despite being 64.
The NBA will crown 12 new champions, and even if all 12 of those go to one team, that still would not be enough to give them more championships than the Los Angeles Lakers or Boston Celtics. Speaking of the NBA, Gregg Popovich, Head Coach and President of the San Antonio Spurs would be 83, while the NBA’s youngest coach, Ryan Saunders will be only 44, which is only a year older then Vince Carter is now.
The MLB and MLBPA will still be arguing about pay and how to play for the season ahead.
Mahomes will have to recharge his phone 26280 times
The average phone battery last around 4 hours, despite many phones claiming to last crazy lengths out of the box. The average smartphone lasts only 4 years, so these charges would be spread out across at least three different phones. Although, if we were being honest right now, the $500 million man will likely have someone waiting in line for him for every new iteration anyway.
Over the course of Mahomes contract, you could watch the Lord of the Ring trilogy (theatrical cut, not director’s cut, because if you are going to waste your time, please waste less of it) 9,385 times. If you are going to stay in the basement for 11.2 hours at a time to do that, please at least do some laundry, which takes, on average, about 40 minutes, meaning you could theoretically wash about 140,000 loads.
If we are sticking in the basement, you could choose to do something productive, boot up that self-built PC, plug in your rainbow keyboard and double monitors and develop a video game. One of the most popular video games of the 2010s was Undertale which only took developer Toby Fox 32 months to develop, meaning you could theoretically develop 4 games, with 16 months to also put out DLC and game-fixing updates.
Maybe you prefer board games over video games, in which case, over the 12 years you would have time for one game of Monopoly. Just one, because it either takes 12 years to finish the game, or you play once and all of your friends become your enemies. Congratulations! Go get a cat.
There will be three elections between now and then
There is not a joke here, Lord help us.