Matching Maroon 5 songs with Kansas City Chiefs players
By Matt Conner
With the rumor that Maroon 5 will be playing this year’s Super Bowl as halftime entertainment, we thought we’d link them with various Chiefs players.
Word has leaked that Adam Levine and his band Maroon 5 will be the primary halftime entertainment for the upcoming Super Bowl. While Pepsi or Roger Goodell or Levine himself have not confirmed this news, we believe it to be true just because it’s another poor decision on the part of the Shield and that falls right in line with the rest of their ideas lately—protecting the passer, all things anthem, etc.
But for the sake of being prepared for that fateful moment, it spurred our curiosity to wonder how the group’s songs would correlate to current Chiefs. After all, Kansas City’s odds are improving each week to play in the big game, so we figured we should probably be acquainted with the game’s soundtrack.
In the interest of wasting tons of time on a completely lame assignment, here’s how Maroon 5’s catalog matches best with members of the Kansas City Chiefs:
Patrick Mahomes: “(S)He Will Be Loved”
Key Lyric: “I know I tend to get so insecure / It doesn’t matter anymore”
This was one of the easier choices, because besides changing the pronoun in the title, it’s a pronouncement anyone in Chiefs Kingdom would make at this point. Each week, fans are falling more in love with the team’s new quarterback and we’re not even through September yet. Plus a gentler sort of ballad makes sense Mahomes since he’s so calm and collected at the line of scrimmage for a first-year starter.
As for the lyric, we were an insecure fan base before he arrived. Few other fan bases expect something so bad to happen despite winning so often. Mahomes is making us believe. See ya, insecurity.
Marcus Peters: “Payphone”
Key Lyric: “If Happy Ever Afters did exist / I would still be holding you like this”
This will draw groans from the “let it go” crowd, but you can’t have a song pining for the past and not bring up the greatest ballhawk in the NFL. We miss you, Marcus. Call me. On my payphone.
Travis Kelce: “Moves Like Jagger”
Key Lyric: “I’ve got the moves like Jagger”
Who else could sing these lyrics and mean them on AND off the field? He’s got dating reality show swagger, but he’s also dance floor ready once he hits the end zone.
Tyreek Hill: “Animals”
Key Lyric: We’re not really sure here.
To be fair, Tyreek Hill has moves like young Jagger. However when a man’s nickname is Cheetah and there’s a song literally called “Animals,” sometimes you just shrug and move on.
Chris Jones: “Harder to Breathe”
Key Lyric: “Does it kill / Does it burn / Is it painful to learn / That it’s me that has all the control”
The collapser of pockets. The disrupter of the line. Chris Jones keeps getting better and better every year, making it harder for opposing quarterbacks to breathe.
Current secondary: “Makes Me Wonder”
Key Lyric: “Give me something to believe in / ‘Cause I don’t believe in you anymore”
Look, we’d love for this to be all butterflies and bubbles, but the reality is that these lyrics only make us think of the league’s worst overall defense and how both of the opposing quarterbacks so far have enjoyed a field day throwing the ball.
Anthony Hitchens: “This Summer”
Key Lyric: “This summer’s gonna hurt like a motherf—-r”
Yes. Yes it is when you’re getting tackled by perhaps the single hardest hitter on the team.
Eric Berry: “Sugar”
Key Lyric: “When I’m without you I’m something weak”
Let’s be honest: we wouldn’t be discussing a league-worst defense is Berry was available. His sore heel is our sore heel. He’s missed dearly and we’ll happily dedicate cheesy pop songs to him if it helps him improve.
*Shout out to our own Ellen Tolsma for some serious help on the Maroon 5 catalog here!