The most July 4 Chiefs of all time
By Matt Conner
In the spirit of July 4, here are five of the most patriotic members of the Kansas City Chiefs in team history.
On a day where we celebrate America, freedom, apple pie and independence, we thought it’d be interesting to take a look at a database of Kansas City Chiefs players to see who best exemplified America—or at least those whose very names make you want to place your hand over your heart. Here’s to the land of the free and the home of the Chiefs.
Ricky Stanzi
It’s impossible to make a list of the most patriotic (or most patriotic-sounding) Chiefs without starting with ‘Merica himself, Ricky Stanzi. Scott Pioli picked Stanzi in the fifth round of the 2011 NFL Draft after starting at the University of Iowa, a beautiful moment of a Patriot selecting another patriot. And what’s even more American than Iowa, a place where you have to mow down corn to create a field? Amazing.
Jackie Battle
Let’s start with the obvious. Who wouldn’t love to have their name be a complete sentence? I’d love to be known as Matt Rocks. Or even Matt Writes. If my last name was Battle, I’d wake up every morning at 3:30 a.m. with a loud bugle call and a “hell, yeah!” attitude. Battle? Every day, sir. There’s nothing more American than that.
The man himself exemplified this very idea as a scrappy runner who lasted longer than anyone could have predicted in the NFL. Despite being an undrafted free agent in 2007, Battle did just that, jumping from the team to team, from the practice squad to the active roster, to end up with a career that lasted twice as long as the average.
Jackie Battle? He sure did. Hand over heart, he sure did.
Donald Washington
The first name is our current President. The last name is the most fatherly of the Founding Fathers. The only finer name to represent America would be George Lincoln-King Jr. (Unfortunately, Washington’s pro career wasn’t very American, unless you’re comparison our middling health care system to the rest of the world, in which case Donald Washington is the most American thing on this list).
Bam Morris
Bam? BAM! Only Bam Bam Bigelow has more punch in his name, and I’m reasonably sure that’s not his real name.
Morris? More is? “More is” American, for sure. We want more? Bam! You better believe it. A punch and then a demand for more. You feel that, North Korea?
Christian Okoye
At first glance, Okoye, as a last name, might have you scratching your head. After all, it’s not Christian Smith or Christian Miller or Christian Jackson. You’re right of course. The man himself was nicknamed “The Nigerian Nightmare,” and last time you checked, July 4 wasn’t about Nigeria’s independence. I get it.
But think of something more American than importing something and enjoying it ourselves. You can’t. Trust me. “Hey that looks amazing. Bring it here so we can enjoy it.” Okoye was an dream import, a bowling ball of a running back who was immortalized Tecmo-style.
If that doesn’t make you remove your hat, heaven help you.
Happy July 4, everyone, from all of us at AA!