The Kansas City Chiefs’ New Archenemies
By Laddie Morse
Eli Manning’s Brother
“How doth I hate thee? Let me count the ways.”
Him… he… that guy… who came up with these NationWide insurance commercials on TV? Every single time they come on, I find myself coffee-table sky-diving for the remote just so I can mute the audio before I have to hear him sing one word of that jingle. That’s my personal commitment to maintaining the aversion therapy I’ve had to seek a professional about ever since “PM” moved to Denver.
It’s been three years now since those Papa John’s commercials have begun to haunt me. I now have Google-mapped out alternate routes to locations like grocery stores, just so I don’t have to drive by Papa Johns Pizza parlors.
Oh, yeah… and did I happen to mention that in the past three years the Chiefs haven’t beaten the Broncos ever since Archie’s son signed there.
My father used to buy Buicks. Now, every time I see a Buick on the road, I think it’s you-know-who that’s filming another commercial, and I have to super-accelerate to pass him — all at great physical peril to myself and my family. I can’t help it; it’s my “Onomatophobia,” the fear of hearing a certain word or of names (I think you know which name I’m talking about here).
To show I’m not just all HATAH… below is a commercial that perhaps you haven’t seen. One that’s actually kinda funny. Mostly it’s Eli who’s the funny one. Enjoy… err… I mean… I hope you hate it.
Is PM Archenemy No. 1 material? Absolutely. Until he retires, and even then he will probably go further into television And then the haunting never ends.
Andrew Luck
If there is one guy I would love to see the Chiefs beat more than any other guy, it is Andrew Luck. There is no describing how painful it was to watch as he basically dismantled the Chiefs defense in the second half of January 2014. That was just 18 months ago. Just last year. It is still fresh in my psyche and for those Chiefs who are still on the roster I’m sure it’s never fading away from their memory banks.
Andrew Luck is like Philip Rivers without all the mental issues. Rivers would have sunk into a anger/depression spin-cycle by the middle of the second quarter but Luck kept his head in the game and overcame a 28-point deficit to steal a playoff victory from a city waiting for that victory for decades now. 28 points. Four touchdowns. Now, the Chiefs were a big part of that losing process, and thankfully Andy Reid and John Dorsey have made plenty of alterations to the roster since then. Not merely alterations but significant improvements. Now, I’d love love love nothing more than to see the Kansas City Chiefs whip the Indianapolis Colts in the playoffs this coming year. That would be almost as yummy as winning it all. Not quite. But close.
Is Andrew Luck No. 1 Archenemy material? Most definitely!
What do you think, Addict fans? Is there someone who you love to hate? Is there someone I mentioned that should not be on this list? Who sets your inner fireworks off?