2014 K.C. Chiefs: Animated Suspenders

Not “all things Chiefs” are lost spiraling into a black hole of the forever iffy, like the Chiefs offensive line. They came through with a solid performance on Sunday and the way the Chiefs LT Eric Fisher handled the Broncos DeMarcus “Who Knows” Ware was nearly sublime. Ware had one solo tackle and was in on one other. No sacks, and although he hit Alex Smith twice, he was of little consequence in this game due to efforts of one Mr. Fisher. The progress has been steady with Eric and although this was not a flawless performance on his part because he seemed to wear out as the game went along, you could see the light at the end of the Pro Bowl tunnel… because at moments… he looked very PB-ish.

Another aspect of this victory… er… loss, that I enjoyed thoroughly was the hot sauce play calling of Señor Reid. In week one, something strange was going on that none of us were privy to, and I still can’t put my finger on it. It’s as if Andy Reid’s wife’s sister had forced him to cover for an ill-advised wager that his long lost cousin Vinny had placed on game one to save his very life… but in game two, Reid showed up and put the screws to the dudes in blue. In any event, I like seeing progress and it’s the progress that keeps fans coming back for more. I may be a glutton for punishment but apparently that’s what it takes to be a Chiefs fan lately… so… we suffah.

However, as with both Reid’s play calling and Eric Fisher’s performance… the jury is still out until we can see some positive consistency that just hasn’t been there so far. This kind of inconsistency leaves a fan in a state of… well, you know.

That’s right, most of the suffering lately has to do with the suspended animation the Chiefs are keeping fans in. It reminds me a bit of the Matt Cassel days. I once charted his QB ratings over several years only to find he’d be way up one week and way down the next.

You never know what you can put your finger on and say, “I can count on that.” The closest thing the Chiefs have to an “Old Mister Reliable” is their punter, Dustin Colquitt and he hasn’t been all that stellar this year so far.

Another animated suspender is De’Anthony Thomas, AKA DAT. I’ve never in all my years seen a college highlight reel like that of DAT’s. If he was in a pin-ball machine, his would be the super-charged ball. At Oregon, it so often looked like everyone else was in grade school and he was a sprinter in the Olympics. Then DAT arrives in Kansas City and in preseason game one titillates us all with a spin move, then bolts to leave everyone in the wake of his twinkling of an ay yi yi TD. He’s what they say about small towns in the Midwest, “Don’t blink….”

But have we seen Thomas in a regular season game yet? Well, maybe I’ve been blinking too much but he doesn’t show up on the stat sheets so I’m assuming no one else has seen him either.

How about the situation with Cairo Santos, the Chiefs new kicker? Andy Reid says he likes his kicker. I like him too. However, fans aren’t showing up for the games because they “like” a player… especially a kicker. Will he start hitting his kicks in game action? Will he start booming kicks out of the back of the end zone on kick offs consistently? Will he become the solid performer he was in the preseason when there wasn’t any heat or game day stress on his shoulders? Santos is the artist “Reanimated Suspension”… formerly known as “IDK.”

What this year comes down to in it’s simplest form is that it provides oodles more questions than answers. Questions like:

• Will Andy Reid ever set dynamo TE Travis Kelce free by upping his snaps and targets?
• Will JC’s high ankle sprain hold him out of multiple games this year and are we seeing the beginning of his descension?
• When JC comes back, will Reid allow Knile to share the load because Knile has proven his worth!?
• When will Eric Berry return to being Eric Berry?
• WIll Derrick Johnson even be back? Or, is that the end of his career (you never know)?
• Would Justin Houston walk next year because he’s had enough (losing… assuming the Chiefs have a losing season)?
• Is there an “in-season” answer for the poor play at CB?
• How long until GM Dorsey completely turns the practice squad roster over… again?

And there are oh so many more questions than this smattering of quizzical queries.

Fans keep waiting for the positive change to happen, which includes waiting for the winning to come. However, it seems like an eternal waiting game. Is it impatience that causes this phenomenon or is it the Grand Animated Suspenders (GAS) themselves: Reid and Dorsey?

Last season, the Chiefs “horrible secondary” that employed guys like Kendrick Lewis and Dunta Robinson, while utilizing inexperienced players like Marcus Cooper and Ron Parker, single handedly lost the playoff game against the Colts but were also 3rd in the league in INTs. This season the defensive backfield has zero INTs in two games. Last year Quintin Demps was the Chiefs leader in INTs with 4 but he’s playing for the Giants now so everyone is wondering, who will step up, when, and of course, if.? See? It’s all about wait-n-see with this year’s tribe.

The good on this team, so often equals the bad. They are so many times, one in the same. Like Jamaal Charles. He’s so incredibly good… when he’s on the field. There are so many players like that on the roster and you find yourself asking, “What’s going on with that guy?” DeVito, DJ, Allen, Berry, Bowe, JC, Mays, DAT, Catapano, Commings, Stephenson, Bray, Parker, Santos, Nico Johnson, Fisher, McGlynn, Fulton, Harris, Reid’s play calling…. The question marks on this team are endless.

The open-ended unknowns extend plenty beyond this list. Take a look at the Chiefs Injury Report at:     http://www.kcchiefs.com/team/injury-report.html

The 2014 Chiefs certainly look capable of winning now… but after game one, I had my doubts about if it would ever happen this season. Although, for the foreseeable future, it’s difficult to see a game on the horizon that you’d say to yourself, “Wow, the Chiefs should win this one” but that happened on a regular basis last year.

John Dorsey has to be given some credit (check out “Sunday Proves John Dorsey’s Worth” by Ben Nielsen) for building the back half of this roster enough to get players who could step in and fill in so well that the Chiefs fought the Broncos to the very end. On their own turf. You see, I’m a Kool-Aid drinker with the best of them, but I’m also a pragmatist. I’ve gone back and forth in the past month about whether or not these Chiefs are true contenders or real pretenders but now I’m certain their true identity is suspenders.

Here’s an animated suspender’s exit question for you: does anyone know what next year’s team will look like?

Even a little bit?

“Anyone?

Anyone?

Something, __ __ __ D–OH–OH–economics,

Voodoo… economics.”*

It’s a lot like……………………………………. animated suspenders.

Go Chiefs!!!!

* Special thanks to “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” for the reference.