I had this opus of a piece all typed out, about, oh, 75-80% done. Then I saw that Jason Whitlock had written almost exactly the same thing. Of all the times for this guy to agree with me, but I digress.
Instead of schlepping out the same old article, I’m going to keep it fresh. Since Led Zeppelin came back from the dead and killed it yesterday in their first concert in nearly 20 years (with drummer Jason Bonham filling in for his late father John Bonham), here’s my vision of the future of the Kansas City Chiefs told through the songs of my favorite band…
“Hey Hey What Can I Do” - Chiefs fans, you can’t do jack. Except remain hopeful. This season hurts, but the lower we sink, the higher we’ll end up rising. Hopefully, you all won’t stay “drunk all the time” during these dark days. Things can only improve.
“Over the Hills and Far Away” – These guys have to go: Chris Terry, Greg Wesley, James Reed, Jason Dunn, John Welbourn, Kendrell Bell, Kris Wilson, Kyle Turley, Pat Surtain, Samie Parker and Will Svitek. You got your “pocket full of gold,” now hit the “open road.”
“Ten Years Gone” – Tony Gonzalez, on behalf of the Chiefs organization and its fans, I apologize. You’ve been here for 10 years and haven’t even sniffed a Super Bowl. Stick around for another three of four and we’ll change that.
“Black Dog” -There is nothing in the song about a black dog, as it was just a black lab that was wandering around the area of the studio at the time. The connection here is that a black dog in dreams is said to represent fatigue. And, yes, watching possibly the worst offensive line I have ever seen has made me very damn tired. The unit will undergo a serious facelift.
“Trampled Under Foot” – Mike Solari has gotten a whole lotta somethin’ from the media and fans, and, no, we’re not “talkin’ bout love.” He’s deserved the stampede that’s run over him, and hopefully his bags are already packed. He also has to hit the road.
“Ramble On” – Larry Johnson, other than Carl Peterson and his buddy Whitlock, you get hated on more than anybody else in The City of Fountains. What you got to do now is “Ramble On” and prove your critics wrong. If silver-haired versions of Jimmy Page, John Paul Jones and Robert Plant can comeback to “rave reviews,” so can you. Can and will.
“Fool In the Rain” – King Carl, the “light of the love that you found” was Chiefs fans. Your just-do-enough-to-fill-the-seats M.O. has all but alienated them. Now you are left standing in the rain by yourself. Will new owner Clark Hunt be kind enough to hand you an umbrella, like his father did so many times? I think he should and will. One more shot, Godfather. Uno mas.
“Whole Lotta Love” – Jared Allen, we love you, baby, and we ain’t gonna let you walk. Whether it’s the franchise tag or a huge contract, you’re sticking around.
“Dazed and Confused” – Brodie Croyle, we know it can’t be easy, but keep your head up, kid. Your protection is going to get better and so are you. I have faith.
“Thank You” – Damon Huard, we asked you to do something you had no chance of doing. I know I’ve been hard on you, but your situation wasn’t fair. It was frustrating for us, but unfair for you. Thank you for the beatings — both physical and emotional — that you have taken this year. Thank you and goodbye. You have to hit the road, too.
“That’s the Way” – One of my all-time favorite tunes goes out to a guy who’s quickly becoming one of my all-time favorite players — Dwayne Bowe. We’ve been looking for you for decades, and once you got here you showed us all the way a star receiver plays the game. D-Bo is only gonna get better, folks.
“Good Times Bad Times” – Of course, I’m talking about young safeties Bernard Pollard and Jarrad Page here. At times they were revelations, other times disappointments. Similar to Derrick Johnson, I honestly believe that their third seasons will be charmed.
“Immigrant Song” – With all of the releases, we need a “Mothership” of new talent. Guys like Alan Faneca, Asante Samuel, Corey Williams, DeAngelo Hall, Derek Anderson, Jordan Gross and Marcus Trufant are the caliber of free agents that need to be on the Chiefs’ shopping list. Following the team’s worst season in recent history is no time for the Chiefs to be the Cheaps, Carl and Clark. We’ll spend some dough this offseason.
“Stairway to Heaven” – And of course the obligatory inclusion of this track. What is the “Stairway,” though? Three more losses, a top five pick and major heat on the front office to make changes. A rookie like tackle Jake Long, a coaching staff shake up and an influx of free agent talent will instantly elevate us back into contention in a weakened AFC West.
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Please add Ty Law to Over the Hills and Far AwayAlso no more chances for King Carl. Pack his bags with Solari and get them out. 19 years of crap from Carl is enough.
I hear you on both accounts… BUT… Ty Law is much more affordable than Surtain, plus I think he could be a fine safety (still not totally sold on Page). Changing GMs right now would probably set us back more than help. Clark Hunt needs to right him a blank check this offseason and say this is your last chance. Thanks for commenting!
Add in "Communication Breakdown" to whichever genius at KC headquarters decided it’d be better to let LJ stay on the active roster and not play again this season (write it down–we’ll see 27 again in August) rather than just move on over to the I.R. (which stands for Injection for a Roc-boy). Also “Heartbreaker” for the type of season we’ve had to suffer through. Dammit, Chiefs, I hate you; yet, try as I might, “I can’t quit you baby,” no matter how bad it gets.
-cw
Adam – Why give the king another chance? I know that changing GMs would never be easy and it will be rough, but the only thing he seems successful at is raising prices.
Webby,
The "Communication Breakdown" was deliberate — putting L.J. on the I.R. would have been waving the white flag. They had to sell tickets and were already struggling. Didn’t want to send the message that the season was over.
And, yes, it has definitely been a "Heartbreaker."
Embarrassed Fan,
We’ve been very competitive during Carl’s tenure. Problem is, that has semmingly been good enough for Carl and Co. I think if Clark listens to the fans — and we are raising hell — he will put pressure on Carl.
Here’s the other thing — it’s not Carl’s money. He has to get the money he spends approved by ownership. I have a feeling the Hunts have always played a huge part in Carl’s manuevers. I know Chiefs fans hate hearing that, but if someone else gave you free reign with their money would you be conservative. It isn’t just Carl. As always, he’s an easy scapegoat.
I’ll say it a million times, I’d like to see Carl given no budget this year. He knows the team, the franchise, the city, the business… he’s the best guy to woo a new O.C. and potential free agents.
Please, please, please….add "Goin to California" Herm Edwards needs to go there, or someplace, anyplace but Kansas City. He is a horrible excuse for a headcoach. Maybe a nice guy, good coordinator, certainly a crappy headcoach. He is condescending, insulting and arrogant to the fans, and his philosophies are about 30 years out dated. Please put us out of our misery and send Herm packing….Please, Please, Please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He has done nothing but destroyed this team and has burned through whatever goodwill the Chiefs might have with the fans. Get rid of him!
Ditto, Greg Wilson. Herm HAS to go. He is singlehandedly destroying the franchise.
I’ll tell you what… I think you have to keep a guy that makes the playoffs 50% of the time, unless he fails to win a playoff game in his first four or five years. If he gets a good O.C. and fails to make the playoffs next year, then you show him the door. Firing him now would be premature, and it would also cause us to actually take a step backwards, especially defensively.
The message is clear: "Babe I’m Gonna Leave You" is you don’t make some significant progress in ‘08. Thanks for commenting, fellas.
Awesome band…and I love puns. So, I’m gonna have to add "No Quarter-back." Croyle sees more sacks than a Zeppelin groupie.
Totally respect you Adam, but I truly believe Edwards has to go. If the Chiefs are "rebuilding" then lets start with him. He has taken teams to the play offs mostly on the talent that was handed him, not the talent he has developed. Brody Croyle is not the answer, the O-line was neglected and he made it well known what the offense was going to be. Larry Johnson! We see where that got the Chiefs. Granted the defense has greatly improved, but to absolutely neglect the offense is ridiculous. Why can’t the Chiefs find a headcoach with balance? So that being said I shall respectfully agree to disagree with you. Herm must go!
Oops, forgot to say, if Herm stays, "The Song Remains The Same!"
Guys I am loving the user generated songs. Adam we might have to make a user edition.
I still think Herm deserves one more season. Two years is not enough time to clean-up what the Dick Vermeil era left us. We did a bunch of that by trading Dante Hall, Sims, Green, Tynes, and cutting some others (Jerome Woods). This season we will get rid of Kendrell Bell and some others. I think this is a make or break year for Herm. He has gone to the playoffs once and missed once. He needs the third year to be honestly evaluated.
correct me if i am wrong, but did we not fire gunther as a head coach after two years with a 500 record. i say herm is heading us in the wrong direction and he has to go now.
A couple more to add…"Nobody’s Fault But Mine" (the King should be strapped to his throne with cans surgically attached, forcing him to listen to this ad nauseum until he "gets it" – self-explanatory)…"Achilles Last Stand" (in homage to the Priest – "The might arms of Atlas, hold the heavens from the Earth…")…"When The Levee Breaks" (for the all but unprecedented depths this year’s squad has sunk to – "It’s got what it takes to make a mountain man leave his home…")…and last but not least, "The Lemon Song" (for anyone in the organization responsible for not recognizing the need to rebuild a once fabulous offensive line prior to it decaying back to 1977 form…"watch the…run down my leg…" – those who know about it, self-explanatory…those who don’t…).
Great stuff, James. We really are going to have to do a user version…
And I’m going to have to touch on why Carl/Herm will/should stick around. Lot’s of pissed of Chiefs fans right now.