I really wanted to write about the latest breaking news in Kansas City Chiefs football this week. There’s just one problem. There isn’t any. I turn on ESPN and the only football news I get is more Saints bountygate, blah, blah, blah. At this point I’m ready to put a bounty on anybody that tries to talk about bountygate one more time. We thought we had escaped the collective bargaining agreement once the lockout ended last summer, but now not even one year later we’ve got the players association crying that Roger Goodell has too much power when it comes to discipline issues.

I’M SORRY, WHO GAVE HIM THAT POWER?!?!?!?

I was under the impression that the players association actually had representatives that helped negotiate the deal and that the players as a group signed off on it. Anyway, I don’t want to talk about it because then I’d have to put a bounty out on myself. However, it did get me thinking.

What would I do if I had almighty power over the NFL?

Now that’s a game I can play to pass some time during the offseason. To me there are some simple changes that need to be made and I think I may just be the man for the job. So this week I’ll hit you up with my campaign platform for NFL Comissioner/Almighty King of the NFL Universe (this last part should be said by cupping your hands around your mouth, using the loudest/lowest voice possible, and then echoing “Universe” 2-3 times).

1. Let the players have some fun.

Here’s the thing, I think Goodell has it right when it comes to cleaning up the game. I’m fine with getting rid of the helmet to helmet hits and handing out harsh suspensions for players who break the rules. That’s all well and good, but you can only get away with that if the players are behind you. That will never happen if you don’t let the players have some fun. So the first part of my “fun campaign” is putting TD celebrations back in. You can choreograph whatever you want, use teammates, even use “props.” There would only be one game per week where the players wouldn’t be allowed to do TD celebrations and that’s Monday Night Football. Why you ask? Well for MNF I would hire both Terrell Owens and Chad Ochocinco, who both will be happy for a paycheck (Ocho’s done; he won’t make Miami’s final cut). Each one would be assigned one of the teams from the game that night and when their team scored, they would do a celebration right in front of Roger Goodell, who I would keep on the NFL payroll just so I could force him to sit on the sidelines for MNF games and have those two take turns doing ridiculous TD celebrations in front of him. Fans would then go online and vote on which of the two former diva WRs had the best celebrations that night and in the postgame they would announce the winner. Goodell would have to shake the winner’s hand and present him with a golden sharpie.

That should get the players on my side.

Just in case that’s not enough, I would also allow each team to pick two players each week that could tweet from the sideline. One from the offense and one from the defense. The team would pick the players so that way if they didn’t trust someone to control themselves, they could refuse to pick that guy. Also, players could only tweet when their side of the ball was off the field. Social media isn’t going away so you might as well embrace it and control its use.

2. Stop ripping fans off with the preseason games.

Roger Goodell has constantly tried to champion the NFL going to an 18 game regular season. He claims that its for the fans. Fans love regular season football. Fans don’t like paying regular season prices for preseason games. So naturally the only solution is to take away 2 preseason games and replace them with 2 regular season ones. WRONG!!!!! With players suing the NFL every other day for their health problems related to playing in the NFL and the league claiming they want to make the league safer, adding two more regular season games isn’t an option. The real solution is simple but Goodell will never stand up to the greedy owners to back it. CHARGE LESS FOR PRESEASON GAMES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here’s my plan:

The first two preseason games would be played at or near the team’s training camp facility. So the Chiefs would play one game in St. Joseph and one game at the training camp location of one of their preseason opponents. These games could still be televised, but admission would be open to the public at $5 per ticket. It would help the local economies of the training camp cities and allow fans from different areas to see NFL football at a price anyone can afford. The fans would be excited to be there and you could probably bring some new fans in since many training camps are held in areas that don’t have their own NFL team.

The second part of this plan is that the final two preseason games will be played in the regular NFL stadiums like they currently are. The difference is that NFL owners will be forced to charge half price for the tickets to these games. If a seat costs $100 in the regular season it costs $50 in the preseason. The owners could still charge full price for parking and concessions, but tickets must be half price.

The owners would throw a fit that I’m taking money out of their pockets, but if they don’t like it they can sell the team to someone else. After all, I’m the Almighty King of the NFL Universe (again, hands cupped, echo, etc.).

3. The Pro Bowl must be completely revamped.

Okay, the Pro Bowl is a joke. The fans know it. The players know it. Roger Goodell knows it. Fans tune in because they just love anything that has to do with NFL football. Here’s what I’m going to do. The game is gone. There is no football game. We’ll still call it the Pro Bowl for tradition’s sake, but it will actually be a position by position skills competition. It will be moved back to the weekend after the Super Bowl so that players from the Super Bowl teams could compete. What would happen is that each position would do a series of combine-esque drills. There would be a scoring system for each drill and after all of that position’s drills the player with the highest score would be named that year’s Pro Bowl Champion at their position. This would come with a hefty cash award so the players would be motivated both by the money and for bragging rights. Tell me you wouldn’t rather watch Peyton Manning, Tom Brady, Ben Roethlisberger, Aaron Rodgers, Drew Brees, and Eli Manning battle it out in a series of passing contests more than that sorry game of touch football that the Pro Bowl has become.

So there you go, Addicts, that’s my platform for being Almighty King of the NFL Universe (you know the drill by now). Do I have your vote? Who’s with me? Do you have your own platform? Are you interested in running against me? I’d love to hear your thoughts. So hit me up in the comments section with your ideas.

As always, thanks for reading and GO CHIEFS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The longest work stoppage in NFL history is officially over.  The owners and players can pat themselves on the back (they already did) for biting the bullet and signing a deal that will continue to make all of them very rich.  Must’ve been tough.  What I would really like to see is a “Yes We Did” type press conference with Clark Hunt, DeMaurice Smith, and Roger Goodell all trying to look über cool up on stage with fog machines and lasers.  This would be a great day for DeMaurice Smith, finally making it on stage after being beat out by Doctor Teeth as front man for Electric Mayhem.  They could have an entire hour long narcissistic show about their decision to ratify the new CBA as well (I love they used this term like it was the freaking Constitution on the United States).  It would include what thoughts were going through their mind, where their inspiration to sign the document came from, how they did all of this for the fans, what type of pen they used, what type of shoes they were wearing, how it’s all for sale on eBay…

If I am correct though, you all did not come here to read about the lockout though, right?  Screw the past four months.  Addicts, it is time to talk real football!

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The common thread, from what I can tell, is that nobody is happy with Roger Goodell.  I mean obviously the players aren’t, but I haven’t really heard any fans going to bat for him either.  Goodell is tied to no city.  The misplaced loyalty that inspires average folk to defend billionaire criminals does not apply to him.  He represents the interests of old, rich men, and gets paid millions of dollars to do so.  Popular with the masses, this man is not.

And, of course, the players despise him.  James Harrison may have made a fool out of himself with some of his recent comments (and how!), but make no mistake, he is not alone.  This is how most players feel about Goodell.  The vitriol in this case was just way over-the-top.

more after le jump:

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We usually just stick to Kansas City Chiefs news around here but Pittsburgh Steelers linebacker James Harrison said some things in a recent interview I thought would be worth sharing.

In an interview with Men’s Journal, Harrison went off on a couple of his teammates and NFL commissioner Roger Goodell. Harrison has had a turbulent relationship with Goodell after the comish fined him on a number of occasions for illegal hits on various players. It is no secret Harrison did not agree with the fines.

Now that he is being locked out, it appears Harrison is cutting lose.

This one is my favorite:

If that man was on fire and I had to piss to put him out, I wouldn’t do it. I hate him and will never respect him.

More Harrison being a moron after the jump.

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The Muppet and the Puppet (Photo courtesy of @NFLPA)

Everyone’s favorite dynamic duo, NFLPA representative and loudmouth DeMaurice Smith and NFL Commissioner and owner apologist Roger Goodell now appear to be the best of buds.

As much as a Muppet (Smith seriously looks like a Mupper) and a puppet (sometimes I think I can actually see strings attached to Goodell’s shoulders) can be buds. What is even more mind boggling is that a Muppet IS a puppet.

Think about that and try not to go cross-eyed.

Um, anyway, the reason for this post is because it would appear the NFL and the layers may be getting closer to a deal. We got word this week that the sides have committed to four days of talks instead of their usual two. Then we found out that the players and owners are out of the room and that it is just Goodell, Smith and a bunch of lawyers meeting in Minnesota. The Minnesota courts have jurisdiction over the CBA and will have to approve a settlement of the Anti-Trust lawsuit the players have filed against the owners. Logic tells us, although we can’t confirm it, that the meetings are taking place in Minnesota so that once a deal is reached, the necessary legal documents and forms and other boring stuff can be filed right away so that the NFL can get back in business as soon as is possible.

The other good sign is that Roger Goodell and Smith traveled to Florida Tuesday so that Goodell could speak to the NFL rookies at the NFLPA sponsored Rookie Symposium. The NFL usually holds a symposium for rookies during the offseason in order to help them get acclimated to NFL life. The event usually features a number of speakers and informational sessions. This year, however, the symposium was canceled because of the lockout. The fact that Goodell is speaking at this event sponsored by the players pretty much indicates that the league approves of the meetings which Mike Florio of Pro Football Talk points out would be unlikely if the sides weren’t closing in on an agreement.

The duo is expected to return to Minnesota this afternoon to continue talks. There is growing urgency for the sides to get a deal struck just before or right after the 4th of July holiday weekend. Time is running out as teams will need to prepare for their training camps which are suppose to kick off at the end of July. Before then GM’s will need to negotiate and sign their rookies and free agents, as well as make moves in what will likely be the most hectic free agency period ever.

My guess is that we won’t hear any good news until after the July 4th weekend but hope springs eternal so maybe we’ll get word that an agreement in principle has been reached before we all head off for a weekend of hamburgers, hot dogs and PBR.

Let’s just hope those folks pulling the strings on the Muppet and the Puppet don’t mess things up in the homestretch.

The owners and players reportedly played some Sega at their secret meetings.

Multiple sources reported yesterday that the NFL and the players continued their secret meetings Tuesday.

You may remember that last week, the owners and players met in the owners’ secret skill/volcano lair. They then met again later in Scotty Pippen’s basement, where they played the original NBA Jam on Pippen’s old Sega Genesis. Commissioner Roger Goodell reportedly delivered a devastating helicopter dunk on Kansas City Chiefs G Brian Waters. The Comish then proceeded to make a “you can’t see me” while Waters endured considerable heckling from the other players in attendance.

Anyway, after some Sega and pizza, the sides talked about the labor situation. The interesting thing to come out of last week’s events were that the lawyers for each side were asked not to attend. As we told you last week, they instead spent their afternoon at the local hospital sucking the souls out of newborn babies. I’ve also heard reports that after leaving the hospital, the lawyers proceeded to stop by the local animal rescue to kick some kittens. The abuse continued until NFL council Jeffery Pash bit the head off puppy and the group was asked to leave.

On Friday, the lawyers took center stage where they argued for and against the lifting of the lockout for the 8th Circuit Court of Appeals. As things wrapped up, the court told both sides that they may not like the ruling the would hand down and urged the NFL and players to reach a deal on their own.

The news of Tuesday’s talks seems to indicate that the NFL and the players got the message. Though I think they will still likely hold out making any moves until they find out what the court rules, they will hopefully have most of the details of a deal worked out before then. That way, if the ruling really is a bum deal for both sides, they can ignore it and move on.

If we’ve learned anything from all this, it is that these lawyers are some sick bastards.

Oh, and they everyone is better off when they aren’t in the room.

Goodell met NFL owners in their secret Skull/Volcano lair in Chicago yesterday.

ESPN.com’s Adam Schefter and Chris Mortenson are reporting that NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell held a secret meeting with NFL owners yesterday to discuss their strategy heading into tomorrow’s hearing with the 8th Circuit Court of Appeals.

Moments after the story broke on ESPN, Schefter also tweeted that the NFLPA, including De Smith, also met face to face with the NFL yesterday. As of yet there is no word if this was all one big meeting or two separate meetings. There is also no indication on what was discussed.

My hope is that the two sides met to discuss how they will handle things once the 8th Circuit hands down their ruling. If the owners win, the lockout will still be on and the players will be pretty much out of leverage. If the players win, the lockout would be lifted and the NFL could be in for a chaotic free agency period. The NFL would have to scramble to implement some sort of 2011 rules as soon as possible. The feeling, though it is not a guarantee, seems to be that the owners will prevail in this round of court battles.

Hopefully both sides agreed that regardless of the outcome, Friday is the 4th quarter of courtroom football. Hopefully they decided that whoever the court rules for wins and that following the ruling both sides will return to negotiations, keeping in mind that one side now has definite leverage. Hopefully whichever side has the leverage will be gracious to the loser in the working out of a deal. Hopefully the losing side will understand that their race is run and get themselves the best deal they can so we can all get back to football in time for training camp.

Hopefully.

Here we are, Kansas City Chiefs fans, at what is supposed to be the midpoint between the end of last season and the beginning of the next. I am falling into my usual mid-offseason crisis—however, this time there’s no guarantee of recovery. There may still be faint light at the end of the tunnel, the tunnel that will hopefully lead out onto the field at Arrowhead Stadium on Opening Weekend in September. But as we await our next day in court—and with the ominous first comments from the U.S. Court of Appeals for the 8^th Circuit, it ain’t a’lookin’ so good—we don’t know how long the tunnel is going to be…

Here’s what we do know: The 2010 season turned out to be one hell of a party. And as the party wore on into the wee hours of the playoffs, I remember that everything was going great… The Chiefs were in the postseason at home for the first time since the early-mid George W. Bush administration. It was a sell-out crowd. The temperature at game time was a balmy 20 degrees Fahrenheit. In the first quarter, the Chiefs were keeping it close against the favored Baltimore Ravens. Excitement was building. And then, I distinctly remember, this happened.

But from that point on, everything became a blur. And now we’re left to piece together how exactly we got to where we are today… and whether we’ll ever find our friend Doug.*

*Actually, there is no player currently on the Chiefs roster named Doug, the last one being Doug Terry in 1995. There is, however, a Dwayne—who has, on occasion, gone missing.

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When it comes to the NFL labor dispute, its no secret whose side I’m on.  Under “political views” on my facebook page I pledge my loyalty to whichever party endorses my plan to have the NFL owners publicly flogged.  And I mean that.  If the “Carrot Top For President” party promised me a flogging they’d have my vote.  So while I may not have written about the CBA in a while, you can be sure it is still very much on my mind. 

(cut to a shot of me walking my dog.  I bend down to pick up her poo.  As I look at it, the brown turd fades into an image of Goodell and Clark Hunt shaking hands.  My good-natured smile slowly shifts to a scowl of rage.  Cue Willie Nelson’s “You Were Always On My Mind”)

I’m sure some of you are tired of hearing about collective bargaining, but I’m equally sure it still merits discussion.  This is an extremely important time for the future of the NFL.  Conflict can be the greatest initiator of progress.  It has often proven itself thus over the course of our history as a species.  Progress isn’t a foregone conclusion in this case.  It never is.  But this lockout has afforded us a unique opportunity to take a good hard look at what is really going on behind the scenes in the NFL.  We owe it to ourselves to carpe this diem.

If nothing the owners have done so far has made you angry, fine.  I don’t understand you, but I won’t question your right to feel how you feel, either.  We are different, and we think different thoughts.  There is nothing wrong with that.  Variety is the stuff of life.

One thing I’ve been trying to work on in recent weeks is not letting my dislike of the owners blind me to transgressions by the players.  In other words, to subject the players to the same scrutiny I subject my enemies the owners to.  I think its important to at least attempt this.  Too often in the blogosphere I see people accuse each other of making this political.  But when someone makes that accusation, its pretty clear they’re thinking along party lines as well, right?  Because if someone disagrees with their point of view, it must be politically motivated.  I’m not limiting this behavior to one side or another.  I’m just saying that wherever it occurs, its counterproductive.

more pontification from your boy Big Matt after the jump:

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The atmosphere at the NFL Draft is always charged with excitement but as I sat in Radio City Music Hall awaiting the start of the 2011 edition, I noticed that something seemed a bit off. There was a different energy in the air. There was a restlessness among those in the crowd. The usual excited chatter seemed to have been replaced by a slight murmur of aggression. I wasn’t the only one who noticed it. A fellow media member turned and told me that NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell had been heckled by an angry fan earlier in the day at an “NFL Play 60” event held in New York City’s Central Park.

“They are going to boo him right out of the building,” he said.

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In the wake of the failure of the players and the NFL to come to a labor agreement, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell has written a letter to the fans.

Dear NFL Fan,

When I wrote to you last on behalf of the NFL, we promised you that we would work tirelessly to find a collectively bargained solution to our differences with the players’ union. Subsequent to that letter to you, we agreed that the fastest way to a fair agreement was for everyone to work together through a mediation process. For the last three weeks I have personally attended every session of mediation, which is a process our clubs sincerely believe in.

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Let’s review the environment which led to Michael’s involvement in criminal activity. Michael was the second of four children to Brenda Vick and Michael Boddie. His parents were teenagers when Michael was born, and they lived in public housing in Newport News, Virginia. As a 10 year old, Michael would often go fishing or on long walks to escape the drugs, violence and drive-by shootings of his neighborhood.

Fast forward to 2001. After finishing third in the Heisman voting, Michael leaves Virginia Tech for the NFL and is the first player taken in the NFL draft by the Falcons. Upon arriving in Atlanta he is intercepted by civil rights activist Andrew Young, who was formerly the mayor of Atlanta and a United Nations ambassador. He advises Michael to become involved in the Atlanta community and shed the “ghetto loyalty” of Newport News.

Unfortunately, Michael did not heed Mr. Young’s advice. He continued his association with his homeboys . In 2004, two “friends” are caught driving one of Michael’s truck and are arrested for possession of marijuana. In 2005, Michael is accused of giving a woman genital herpes and using a false identity “Ron Mexico.” Finally, in 2006, Michael is fined $10,000 for an obscene gesture at Saints fans.

Michael’s involvement in Bad Newz Kennels is well documented. This ultimately blunder lead to his 23-month incarceration in Leavenworth, suspension from the NFL and personnel bankruptcy. Has Michael Vick suffered enough? Has he paid back his debt to society for his illegal and cruel activities? Has he truly changed?

Does he deserve a second chance in a country known for second chances?

Ultimately, the decision rests with Mr. Goodell, but the lesson to be learned from this is more about ghetto loyalty and its impact on young athletes and performers. Is Michael Vick truly just a bad seed, or rather a byproduct of his environment? Regardless, would the Kansas City Chiefs ever take a chance on him? Will any team? Will Goodell even allow that to happen/ Just look at the cost of Vick’s associations, even after he’s lost everything he may not even be given a chance to get any of it back. He might even have to go to the UFL. All because of ghetto loyalty.

Chiefs running back Larry Johnson was suspended for Week 10 of the NFL season by commissioner Roger Goodell for violating the league’s personal conduct policy.

Johnson is not permitted on the team’s premises until Nov. 10. The suspension will cost him about $147,000, or one game check.

Carl Peterson felt that the suspension was fair and hopes that LJ can rebuild his life.

“We respect the decision of commissioner Goodell,” said Carl Peterson, president of the Kansas City Chiefs. “The NFL player conduct policy sets forth a set of standards that all NFL players, coaches and staff members must abide by. Upon the completion of his suspension we sincerely hope that Larry will be ready to return to the field for the Chiefs determined to make a positive contribution to our team and, with the assistance of the people around him, turn his life around.”

I think the Chiefs have done the right thing by sitting LJ for the last two weeks and this Sunday. I think LJ might have gotten a longer suspension if the Chiefs had taken no action. Let’s all hope that LJ will come back the new-and-improved LJ that we all know he can be for this team.

Johnson, who has been accused of several instances of off-field misconduct including threatening a woman and spitting in her face, has been summoned to New York to meet with NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell on Tuesday, Adam Schefter of NFL Network is reporting.

Frequently, when an NFL player is called in to meet with Goodell, a suspension follows. That was the case for, among others, Adam “Pacman” Jones, Chris Henry, Tank Johnson and Brandon Marshall. It’s not clear yet whether Johnson will also get a suspension, or whether Goodell will determine that the discipline already handed down by the team is sufficient.

Herm Edwards called a press conference this morning at Arrowhead and delivered some shocking news.

Edwards announced yet another devastating suspension for Chiefs fans, coming on the heels of yesterday’s suspension deactivation of star running back Larry Johnson.

“I got some good news and some bad news, the good news is I won’t be on the sideline this Sunday, as I am suspending myself for conduct detrimental to the team. Bad news, which you may have heard about yesterday, is that Larry won’t be with us because he pushed some chickenhead in the face like Samson did on Half-Baked during his back-e-otomy lament, in a downtown KC club 8 months ago.”

Edwards also commented about Johnson’s alleged victim having other motivations than justice, such as money, from his starting running back.

“Now I ain’t sayin’ she a gold digger, But she ain’t messin’ wit no broke ni*#as,” Edwards said.

Bob Gretz asked how Johnson would handle the one game suspension, Edwards said, “He gon’ make it to a Benz out of that Datsun. He got that ambition, baby look in his eyes. This week he’s moppin’ floors, next week it’s the fries. So, stick by his side, I know this dude’s ballin, and yeah that’s nice.”

When asked about why Edwards didn’t wait for the NFL to decide who is suspended and who is not, Edwards continued, “We are trying to beat Commissioner Roger Goodell to the punch, because you all saw Pacman get lifted off the ground and choked out by Roger’s force powers this week, and as you all know from seeing Larry whiff on blocks that the force is not strong with him. We hope this pre-emptive suspension against both Larry and myself will help us get at least one first down and get someone in there to block for Brodie since its possible he could end up in the trash compactor with Chewbacca and Luke facing that Tennessee defense.”

Edwards faced some tough questions from KC media types like Jason Whitlock as well, “Being the best head coach in the league, and maybe of all-time, how can you justifiably suspend yourself?”

“You play to win the game…hello!?” Edwards replied. “My coaching has been problematic for the last six games and two years so I’m hoping that by removing myself from the situation, we will be able to get a win Sunday. It’s a fun time if you have a job. It’s not a fun time when you’re a guy who doesn’t have a job.”

Edwards also commented on the return of Brodie Croyle, the Chiefs oft-injured, winless quarterback and whether he would throw the ball more than usual with his running back out.

“You do what’s best for your team, … throw passes and get (the quarterback) killed. Are you kidding me? For what? That’s ridiculous.”

“What we’re worrying about now is trying to figure out who to blame. But there is no blame, teams go through this,” insisted Edwards. “I mean, really, really, what’s worse for the Chiefs? What’s worse for the Chiefs? If I’m not there, they can’t blame me. Can’t blame me, right? There’s no problem here.”

This is great news for all Chiefs fans because it means that the Chiefs will keep all of their eight home games. The last two years the Chiefs have been a potential candidate for the game in London, but again dodged the bullet of playing there. The Chiefs could still be a candidate for the 2009 season with renovation still taking place at Arrowhead. We will just have to wait and see…

It looks like the San Diego Chargers and the New Orleans Saints will be the next group of NFL teams to take their show overseas.

According to The San Diego Union-Tribune, the Chargers will play the Saints in London on Oct. 26. The game will most likely take place at Wembley Stadium, which is where the New York Giants beat the Miami Dolphins last October.

Chargers President Dean Spanos would not confirm San Diego’s involvement to the newspaper but said, “We want to go. I’m cautiously optimistic.”

Commissioner Roger Goodell is expected to make the announcement official at his Super Bowl media conference on Friday, according to the Union-Tribune.

• Report: Chargers, Saints to meet in London on Oct. 26 – ESPN