But I know what you’re saying: “What? McGraw? You mean the nursing-home guy so slow he’d be faster playing safety mounted on a Rascal? The guy so frail and uncoordinated in his senile, injury-riddled last years that he can hardly make a tackle?”

Yes, him. If you want to know why, you have to click below. (more…)

So, onto the purpose of this post — talking smack with the best of them — how to deal with delusional Denver fans who can’t talk smack without mentioning the following things somewhere in the script.  I’m going to list a few of these fallback smack items and then show you how a real conversation goes with a “Denver Dummy”. Hopefully you’ll come out looking like John Smith instead of Emmitt Smiff in your smack talk, so put your thinking caps on and get your best yo momma joke ready because you are going to Smack School!

1. John Elway – This is the Denver fan’s ace in the hole, their crutch, their go-to in an argument where they are grasping at straws.  John Elway will inevitably be brought up at any time in any smack talk dialogue.  Be prepared.

2. “At least we’ve won the SuperBowl this decade recently.”  This is sometimes interchangeable with “Elway”.  Denver fans love to remind KC fans about how recently they won the big show.  Usually, they will say that “At least we won a SuperBowl,” then you remind them the Chiefs won SuperBowl IV, long berfore John Elway and his overbite terrorized the league.  The next inevitable response is that “Well, at least we won this decade in the last 20 years.”  This is the point when you say “Jeff Hostetler, Doug Williams, and Joe Montana; at least we didn’t lose three Super Bowls!”

3. Jay Cutler – This guy is slowly becoming your ADF’s (Average Dumb Fu Denver Fan) favorite topic, so much in fact that Cutler noticed this trend and proclaimed himself the next John Elway in a preemptive ego strike and one that garnered Cut no love at local car dealerships owned by former Denver QB’s. Denver fans also love having a diabetic QB because it gives the announcers 18 more excuses to talk about the big dumb oaf who can’t win one freaking game down the stretch to get into the playoffs (still lol’ing about that one!)

Your typical Denver game now consists of the announcers talking about these three things only:

• Jay Cutler’s blood sugar
• Eddie Royal’s breakout game (every week)
• Brandon Marshall’s suspension(s).

Here’s how the conversations between me and (well, we’ll call him DenverDummy for now.) go…

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