Yep. So I was there.

Living on the other side of the world, my brief return for the holidays was my only opportunity to see the Chiefs in person this season. I happened to be in town for two consecutive home games – against the Packers and the Raiders — and had to choose one, so I naturally chose the one I thought they were going to win.

But, like that guy in Indiana Jones and the Quest for the Holy Grail, I chose … poorly.

My impressions after the jump. (more…)

Worried about the impending NFL lockout between the owners and NFLPA?  Scared that in the event of a strike and no football season you may not know what to do?  Don’t worry!  Your friends here at Arrowhead Addict have got you covered.  Since AA first received word of the possibility of no Chiefs season they hired a crack team of specialists to break down the bare essentials that every Chiefs fan will need in case of emergency, and that plan has fortunately now been shared with someone not to be trusted.

Me.

We know with all of the buzz going around that you may be freaking out a little wondering what your Sunday’s will be like without the Chiefs live chat, so phase one of the plan is that there will be a live Madden simulation broadcast of every game on the Chiefs schedule for next year.  These simulations will take place during normally scheduled times to help prolong the willing suspension of disbelief amongst you Addicts out there, and to ensure that they feel more real the games will not be 100% computer driven.  Adam will call the Audibles.  These broadcasts (from a URL to be determined) will be accompanied by live chats online hosted with a little Magic by Merlin*, complete with follow up Big Matt’s Chiefs Chat articles on Mondays blasting personnel decisions made by virtual Todd Haley during game simulations.  To help add to the realism, there will also be simulated DVOA breakdowns by Double D on Wednesdays supporting the anti-virtual Todd Haley movement.

*Person participating in Madden simulation live chat may not actually be Merlin

But wait, there’s more…

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Source: David Eulitt/kansascity.com

Many Kansas City Chiefs fans subscribe to the idea that games are won and lost at the line of scrimmage.  I happen to be one of those fans.  And I believe that axiom becomes doubly true when one faces the Baltimore Ravens like the Chiefs do on Sunday at Arrowhead.

To say that the Ravens play physical football is a little bit of an understatement.  Smash mouth football is more accurate.  Whether it is linebacker Ray Lewis laying a hit on a player, or running back Ray Rice running over a player, power is brought to every aspect of the Ravens game play.

Nowhere does power come into play in the NFL more than in the trenches.  The offensive line uses its power to protect the quarterback or open running lanes.  The defensive line uses their power to collapse the pocket and corral opposing running backs.  It is what occurs at the line of scrimmage that is the first step to either making or destroying a successful offensive play.  That’s why the play at the line will either make or break the Chiefs on Sunday.
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Quite a few things actually.

At Arrowhead Addict, we constantly strive to bring you the latest news, as it develops. News from other sources sure, but also news you will not read anywhere else.

How can we do that? Because we are there. At the scene of the action. At the games, at the practices and yes Patrick will even represent Arrowhead Addict at the NFL draft in NYC!

This year you can look forward to exclusive game day photos and game day write ups from the perspective of the second row on the home side. I’ll also be making a trip to the new spring training facilities in St Joseph Mo this year.In between, I’ll be attending practices, and reporting from the KC CHIEFS draft party in a couple of weeks.

So keep it here Addicts, at AA there is no offseason!

In the midst of reports that a work stoppage could be coming at the Truman Sports Complex, a Chiefs official tells us that the situation will not disrupt the team’s home schedule.

Arrowhead Stadium currently is being renovated. The labor contract between the builder and its union expires next week. Absent a new contract, the employees could refuse to work.

“We’re aware of a potential strike,” the official said, “but we’re confident that we’ll play ten homes games at Arrowhead and hopefully more.”

The Chiefs will never let this happen and neither would the NFL. Trust me. Besides, the worst-case scenario would probably result in the Chiefs playing in nearby Lawrence, KS or something. There is no way in hell an NFL team would ever agree to play 16 games on the road. It’s utterly ridiculous to even suggest the possibility.

I really wanted to get this debacle of a season off my chest. Once inside I yelled Fire Herm a few random times, but other than that, it was too cold for screaming and carrying on. I was on TV very early in the broadcast, I was holding up a sign that said “COLD But It’s Sunday” with the CBS going down vertically to get the attention of the cameraman. It worked, as I got text messages from all over the state saying they saw me! It made all the hard work of getting that sign together worth it. It had red and green strips of paper around the outside edge in a Christmasy theme- everything was right in the world. Still to come would be a run-in with Darth Vader Peterson himself, but let me get back to that.

The back of my sign had nothing on it before the game, so after a few shots and some chili to warm up in the tent we were shuddering in, I decided to write “Nice 5 Year Plan Carl” really quickly with a Sharpie in about 7 inch letters. I also had on a toilet seat with Christmas lights that had FIRE HERM written on it, but I had that under a layer in case someone at the gate freaked out on me.

My seats were right behind the Chiefs bench. I was decked out in my LJ Jersey over my coat, with my new Chiefs helmet stocking cap which proved to be quite sufficient in single digit temperatures.

After I was sure I was on TV, I didn’t hold the CBS sign up much anymore. However, one time during a break I did pick it up and wave it around. I turned in my seat and asked the guys behind me where Carl was in the suites so I could show him. They all turned around in their seats and started pointing to Carl. Now there are like 20 people pointing up at Carl’s suite. Carl sees us and stands up in his suite and points at ME. I point at the sign- he points at my sign, I beat my chest like a war gorilla a few times and everyone laughed that Carl was getting the message. He gave us the “fake” thumbs up like Commodus from Gladiator. Nothing dirty or immature, from us- just a little ribbing and it appeared that Carl could take it.

Boy was I wrong.

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Man, I just can’t believe they are getting rid of the band. Can they at least have the band do a recording session so we can keep the atmosphere the same? Unbelievable. I’m just glad I get to see their last game here in about 10 days or so.

Addicts, are you upset over the TD Pack Band getting shown the door by the front office?

Herm Edwards called a press conference this morning at Arrowhead and delivered some shocking news.

Edwards announced yet another devastating suspension for Chiefs fans, coming on the heels of yesterday’s suspension deactivation of star running back Larry Johnson.

“I got some good news and some bad news, the good news is I won’t be on the sideline this Sunday, as I am suspending myself for conduct detrimental to the team. Bad news, which you may have heard about yesterday, is that Larry won’t be with us because he pushed some chickenhead in the face like Samson did on Half-Baked during his back-e-otomy lament, in a downtown KC club 8 months ago.”

Edwards also commented about Johnson’s alleged victim having other motivations than justice, such as money, from his starting running back.

“Now I ain’t sayin’ she a gold digger, But she ain’t messin’ wit no broke ni*#as,” Edwards said.

Bob Gretz asked how Johnson would handle the one game suspension, Edwards said, “He gon’ make it to a Benz out of that Datsun. He got that ambition, baby look in his eyes. This week he’s moppin’ floors, next week it’s the fries. So, stick by his side, I know this dude’s ballin, and yeah that’s nice.”

When asked about why Edwards didn’t wait for the NFL to decide who is suspended and who is not, Edwards continued, “We are trying to beat Commissioner Roger Goodell to the punch, because you all saw Pacman get lifted off the ground and choked out by Roger’s force powers this week, and as you all know from seeing Larry whiff on blocks that the force is not strong with him. We hope this pre-emptive suspension against both Larry and myself will help us get at least one first down and get someone in there to block for Brodie since its possible he could end up in the trash compactor with Chewbacca and Luke facing that Tennessee defense.”

Edwards faced some tough questions from KC media types like Jason Whitlock as well, “Being the best head coach in the league, and maybe of all-time, how can you justifiably suspend yourself?”

“You play to win the game…hello!?” Edwards replied. “My coaching has been problematic for the last six games and two years so I’m hoping that by removing myself from the situation, we will be able to get a win Sunday. It’s a fun time if you have a job. It’s not a fun time when you’re a guy who doesn’t have a job.”

Edwards also commented on the return of Brodie Croyle, the Chiefs oft-injured, winless quarterback and whether he would throw the ball more than usual with his running back out.

“You do what’s best for your team, … throw passes and get (the quarterback) killed. Are you kidding me? For what? That’s ridiculous.”

“What we’re worrying about now is trying to figure out who to blame. But there is no blame, teams go through this,” insisted Edwards. “I mean, really, really, what’s worse for the Chiefs? What’s worse for the Chiefs? If I’m not there, they can’t blame me. Can’t blame me, right? There’s no problem here.”

However, when my doctor diagnosed me with BCFS this week (Battered Chiefs Fan Syndrome) I was in denial.

BCFS? Not me. I swore to him the shiner I had was because clumsy me walked into a doorknob. He got up slowly and shut the door, held my hand and told me I was in a safe place.

“Did Herm do this to you?” he asked quietly. I shook my head.

“Carl? Was it Carl?” I shrugged.

“I had it coming,” I said slumped in my chair. “I thought we’d get beat by Denver, so I didn’t go to the game. Next thing you know, Bing! Bang! Boom! To the Moon! Its my fault… for not having the tailgate set up when he got to the stadium.”

The good doctor then proceeded to tell me that despite the Denver game, there is no excuse for BCFS.

“We have seen an extreme uptick in the number of BCFS cases since 2006,” he told me. “You are not alone.”

That’s when I broke down sobbing and let it all come out…”It started in 1991, the Dolphins game…when Nick the Kick had no kick left in his balls against Miami. That was the first time I was abused. I gave the Chiefs the benefit of the doubt that there wouldn’t be a next time.”

“Go on, its OK,” he said.

“1993… Joe Montana, Marcus Allen…Buffalo. AFC Championship it happened again. I never thought I would get over it. Just when I had put it behind me, it happened again in 1996 – Lin Elliot missed three field goals and it was my fault. It left me emotionally scarred and I wore sunglasses around for a week to hide it.”

I started to get choked up…”Then…BAM! in 1998, I began cheating on Elvis Grbac…with Rich Gannon, but I took Elvis back against my better judgment. Call me Priscilla, ’cause I was “all shook up”. Then Rich left me for the Raiders, Neil left too, and Marty retired. It was what I considered until last year, rock bottom. In 2000, Derrick died and we were never the same.”

The doc scribbled some notes on his clipboard, and said “What about now with Herm? Has it gotten worse?”

“Herm has come into my home on Sundays time and time again – 12 times in a row at one point, and beat my ass as a fan. Sometimes painful, sometimes with a smile on his face, but the result was always the same. ‘You play to win the game!’ He lied as he kept battering me and other fans that were used to and spoiled by winning. Carl even got into the mix, letting Jared Allen go and leaving us $39 mil under the cap and I couldn’t take any more. It got so bad that the police were called. This is what I told them.

“He didn’t mean to hit me officer. He’s a good man. I was lying in the driveway when he ran over my head with the truck! He’s a good man, he didn’t mean to hit me… he’s passed out under the trailer, with his dog, Skeeter!*” *hat tip

That’s when the doctor offered me this sage advice, “Being a Chiefs fan is a lot like being a Cubs fan. You’ve tasted ultimate victory 100 years ago, OK maybe only almost 40 years, and been close as recently as the 2004 season when you went 13-3 with one of the league’s highest scoring offenses. Even in 2005, you finished 10-6 and were only the fourth team since 1990 to miss the playoffs with that record. You took one of the highest scoring offenses in the league and let Harm Edwards do his best Tom Landry/Herschel Walker-circa-1988-impression in ’06 and literally run it into the ground by giving your new star running back, Larry Johnson, over 400 attempts, you backed into the playoffs – hoping to run roughshod over a shoddy horrible Indianapolis defense and avenge your 2004 defeat at the hands of the mighty Colts in Arrowhead. That, as you know, didn’t happen.”

He continued, “Hell, Kansas City was 13-10 (over two seasons) going into the middle of 2007 after losing Trent Green and Willie Roaf, cornerstones of the team. So what’s the problem? Herm wanted to be a G.M., not a coach. The answer is the same as the primary cause of the current economic crisis. Negligence. Negligence with a dose of Herm Edwards.” Click the link to return the favor (oldie but goodie). A win against Denver, like an apology and some roses from the wifebeater, doesn’t put Humpty-Dumpty back together again. Good luck this week Chiefs, you’ll need it.

All this work was done so eventually football fans could have a “green” solution to express their displeasure with their local sports teams by wearing aforementioned bags on their heads, scribbling “FIRE _______!!!” The Detroit Lions eventually got this to work with their firing of Matt Millen and Chiefs fans should take note.

The old adage says “Beauty is a Lightswitch Away”, if only that were true with the Chiefs; I would have already got Herm Edwards pregnant. It worked with Sarah Palin’s daughter didn’t it? Hell, why not hire Sarah Palin as our head coach and G.M.? If she can kill a moose with her bare hands and field dress it with her teeth, she surely can wear a headset and glance up at the clock…or call the exact same play twice in a row like Herm did last week (pass to the left, short flare over the top to Jamaal Charles).

The brown paper bag goes with Herm Edwards as well as it does an ugly girl. Yeah everyone likes her ok enough, and says she has a “great personality,” but when it nears showtime we still want to put that bag over her head. Sure Herm’s a great quote guy and a player’s coach, but when game time nears I find myself reaching for something…a remote…a paper bag…or if I’m at the game, I reach for my trusty…

Kansas City Chiefs Fan Stadium Pack!

1 Paper Bag – Brown. (no holes…I can’t watch)

1 Arrowhead bottled water 16 oz. (or Everclear, if you prefer)

1 Sony Walkman DVD Player (with a burned DVD of 2006 KC-Denver Thanksgiving Game)

1 Vermeil-ex (cross between a Terrible Towel and Kleenex for wiping tears/vomit)

If you can’t find a paper bag but are able to procure a plastic bag…fear not! You may have the answer. What we need to do to really send a message to King Carl and the gang at One Arrowhead Drive is bring plastic bags to the game. Now hear me out. We need COMMITTED, make that literally DIE-HARD Chiefs fans to pull this one off.

Bring your Wal-Mart plastic bags to the game, in secret. Stash them in your pocket. After the final whistle of the third quarter…whip ‘em out (the bags…get your mind out of the gutter). Kiss your wife, or seat neighbor goodbye. Finish your water or Everclear. Wipe away those tears with your Vermeil-ex. Place the plastic bag over your head and turn around and ask the person behind you (if there is anyone at the game) on your signal to wrap the handles tight around your head and pull when you sit down.

At first you’re going to panic like Brodie turning to give the handoff on the wrong side, but relax and walk toward the light. You’re going to a better place. A place full of multiple touchdown games and stingy defense. Fantasy football is awesome in Heaven. Each week all your players are Saints and have career games. With any luck you’ll meet a Priest at the Red and Gold gates, dressed in all white and healthy; extending his little touchdown shrug into a hug for you, the Chief fan that made the ultimate sacrifice.

This Heaven’s Gate/Jim Jonesian approach to protest won’t win the hearts and minds of the Hunts, but it will get us way more media attention than a few guys in the beer garden running into walls with bags on their heads. It will show our commitment, our resolve and in a “samurai-falling-on-his-sword” kinda way…our honor.

In all seriousness, you can’t just throw a bag over your head to make a lasting statement to our Chiefs management. There has to be more substance–like everyone having the exact same thing written on their brown bag and not spending one penny more than necessary in Arrowhead. The question is, who do we want out first? King Carl, Harm, Brokie, or everybody? My order of operations would be Harm, Brokie, and eventually Carl. I think Carl still could serve a purpose in strictly GM capacity over a year or two, but he needs to be gone by 2010 for sure. Let’s let him finish this stadium expansion before half the cast of the Sopranos is sitting in lawn chairs collecting a paycheck in the parking lot. Carl isn’t coaching, or calling plays or starting Tyler Thigpen. Carl is however, laughing all the way to the bank (that is, before it fails too).

I’ve given you the Blueprint. It’s up to you to make the medium the message.

Finally, Did you hear that Arrowhead is about to be named Tampax Stadium?

It’s because the Chiefs are only good for one period and don’t have a second string!

Brodie Croyle’s only hope to be a star in Kansas City is if the Chiefs and Royals suck so bad simultaneously that they create a black hole at the sports complex that is only reversed by David Glass and Clark Hunt simultaneously joining their open wallets together like Voltron creating the Kansas City Chroyles a merger of the Chiefs and Royals; a shittiest of the shitty combination of KC suck with Brodie Croyle as the pitcher and quarterback that always gets hurt the first game of the season.

Just think, the Chroyles could out-build Famous Dave’s Arrowhead Stadium* so big that it could encompass the K. For SuperBowl and ad considerations, we’ll shape the roof like a weber grill, even with a vent that open up in a circle to shine light down to the pitcher’s mound/50 yard line to illuminate our star pitcher/quarterback Brokie Croyle and Garth Brooks the next time he comes to town. Hell, we can have a golf cart with a spatula on the front, The Spatula-Mobile, come scrape Brokie off the field at each opener!

Local Radio Commercial in KC soon:

“Hai y’all, I’m Brodie Croyle, when I ain’t pitchin’ or playin’ quarterback for the Chroyles I do my shoppin’ for ammo, decoys and Ben Gay at Bass Pro Shop!”

Quick Hitters:

• 3 starting QB’s in the first 3 games has only happened 3 times…ever. (Guess good things don’t happen in 3′s.)

• A Chiefs-drafted QB hasn’t won a regular season game for us since ’83. (Dang 3′s)

• “Chiefs Apathy” from fans will do more damage than “Harm“* Edwards ever will.

• Watching the Chiefs play-honestly, I haven’t missed the halfback pass this bad since Tecmo Bowl.

*Harm = Herm, henceforth.
**I know Famous Dave’s isn’t HQ’d in KC- Carl will sell out to an out-of-stater in a panic after seeing the ticket sales report.

QB Carousel:

Week One
So we begin the season vs New England with Brokie Croyle, Brokie gets broke-ed in the first game. He beat my prediction of getting injured in the Denver Game by 2 games. Huard comes in and stinks too. Throw in a case of the dropsies by D-Bo and that’s L soup. “No Win for you!”

Week Two
Superbowl Ring Owner Damon “RainMan” Huard starts game two against what looked to be a totally hapless Oakland team that Denver embarrassed the week before. “RainMan” gets a phantom “head injury” that isn’t released until much later in the game. Harm Edwards decides to play Marques Hagans fresh off the practice squad along with boner-rific Tyler Thigpen who “set all kinda records” at Coastal Carolina University (which had just started football five years prior.) All you need to know is about 39 comments on “Worst Moment”

Week 3
Atlanta, a preseason pick for the worst team in the league, has started 1-1. Thigpen starts and accidentally hands off to the rushing Atlanta defender for 6. Hagans comes in and gets booed because the Atlanta crowd mistakes him for Michael Vick because he never throws and his tats. We do something that rhymes with “news”. Hint? It starts with “L”.

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Addicts, if you could only go to one Chiefs’ home game at Arrowhead in ’08, which home game would it be?

I hate to do it, because I feel it’s a non-issue, but I have to address the Chiefs‘ “Fan Code of Conduct”. Everyone from Mike Florio to MJD–don’t get me wrong, I like and read both–has chimed in on this topic. The popular interpretation of this code of conduct is that Carl Peterson, Mr. Consecutive Sellouts Streak himself, has suddenly decided that he needs to alter his winning two-decade fan formula. Really?

I love MJD’s convenient quotation of the actual rule:

“Standing and/or obstructing the view of other fans.”

Um, actually, MJD, here is the rule verbatim:

“Continual standing and/or obstructing the view of other fans.”

Is it just me, or does one word make all the difference in the world?

Zach, my old man and I have been going to Chiefs games at Arrowhead since the two of us were little boys. And, yes, we are the type of Chiefs fans who wouldn’t be caught dead sitting on 3rd and 4 late in the fourth quarter when our defense desperately needs a stop. Have we heard some grumbling about standing up or crowd noise? Once in a blue moon, maybe. But we’ve never, ever been asked to sit down or shut up when cheering. I have never even seen such a request at Arrowhead, even from staff.

The only times I’ve ever seen any intervention: A.) Someone is ridiculously intoxicated or rude, usually both; B.) An opposing fan or fan group is getting lynched or is about to. I will be the first to say that intervention is sometimes needed. I’ve seen Chiefs fans remove a Broncos fan’s hat and light it on fire. I’ve seen Philly fans nearly get murdered by a blood-thirsty Red mob. It gets a little too crazy up there in the stands sometimes.

At the same time, Chiefs fans are generally just as knowledgable and considerate as they are passionate. 99 times out of 100 they will stand at the appropriate times and consider the viewing experience of those around them, even fans of opposing teams. Chiefs fans know how to keep the NFL’s loudest stadium’s reputation intact without destroying the live experience for other fans.

I realize that the “Fan Code of Conduct” makes for good, humorous watercooler talk around the blogosphere, but it’s a non-issue. Trust me, neither Cheifs fans nor the front office want to change the atmosphere of Arrowhead. The Chiefs organization is actually just trying to protect that atmosphere.

The Chiefs have a free mini-camp for fans this Saturday, plus you get some free Arby’s. Find locations where you can get free tickets for Saturday. (KCChiefs.com)

• Do you remember “Crazy George?” (Deadspin)

• What is your favorite memory of Arrowhead? (Arrowhead Addict Forums)

• Direckshun is doing a great job over at Arrowhead Pride. His latest is on Derrick Johnson‘s development. (Arrowhead Pride)

• Breaking down the left guard position in the AFC West. (Home of the Chiefs)

• Chan Gailey believes that a young team can win. (KC Star)

• Everyone please welcome Glenn Dorsey to the Arrowhead Addict Header. It is truly a youth movement now!

(No Hard Knocks this season)

Friday, July 25: Begin training camp

(Starts two days earlier than last season, what does this mean? I have no idea.)

Thursday, July 31: Practice with Minnesota, River Falls

(I bet Jared Allen is buying the meal for his former teammates)

Saturday, Aug. 2: Family Fun Night

(Are you going to River Falls?)

Thursday, Aug. 7: Chiefs at Chicago, 7 p.m.

(Meet Glenn Dorsey and Branden Albert)

Friday, Aug. 15: Break training camp

(Hopefully, the Chiefs will be arrest free at this point in the offseason)

Saturday, Aug. 16: Chiefs vs. Arizona, 7 p.m.

(I am thinking about attending this game with a new Glenn Dorsey jersey)

Saturday, Aug. 23: Chiefs at Miami, 6:30 p.m.

(This is always the best preseason game)

Thursday, Aug. 28: Chiefs vs. St. Louis, 7 p.m.

(Trent Green getting his last shot at Arrowhead)

I am more excited about this preseason than the last few. Most of the time, we are trying to see who will win a few starting spots or who will be a good back-up. This season we will get to see a bunch of young guys fighting for almost every spot on the team, and that excites me! There will be around seven spots on offense potentially up for grabs, and about the same number on the defensive side of the ball. I love competition and I think it will help build a young team. Continue the discussion at our forums…

• 2008 Kansas City Chiefs Training Camp Dates Set – KC Chiefs
• Training Camp Link – University Wisconsin-River Falls