The cuts are: CB Jackie Bates, TE Tom Crabtree, DE Dion Gales, DE Bobby Greenwood, G Darryl Harris, WR Taurus Johnson, WR Ashley Lelie, DT Derek Lokey, S Bernard Pollard, S Ricky Price, LB Zach Thomas, RB Javarris Williams and WR Rodney Wright.

The plot thickens…

Aaron Curry is reportedly shopping himself to the Lions — trying to upend Matthew Stafford as the Number 1 pick and turning the draft upside down in the process.  Curry said that he would accept a deal worth less than $30 million, which is what last year’s top pick, Jake Long, got.

Not to be outdone, Stafford offered his Chevy Tahoe as a trade in if the Lions drafted him.   His offer drew a collective “ooooooh” from Ford execs. /sarcasm

I think Detroit still takes Stafford with some reluctance — they need a QB but they might consider taking Curry.

What do you think Addicts?  Is our love affair with Curry over with for good?

So, onto the purpose of this post — talking smack with the best of them — how to deal with delusional Denver fans who can’t talk smack without mentioning the following things somewhere in the script.  I’m going to list a few of these fallback smack items and then show you how a real conversation goes with a “Denver Dummy”. Hopefully you’ll come out looking like John Smith instead of Emmitt Smiff in your smack talk, so put your thinking caps on and get your best yo momma joke ready because you are going to Smack School!

1. John Elway – This is the Denver fan’s ace in the hole, their crutch, their go-to in an argument where they are grasping at straws.  John Elway will inevitably be brought up at any time in any smack talk dialogue.  Be prepared.

2. “At least we’ve won the SuperBowl this decade recently.”  This is sometimes interchangeable with “Elway”.  Denver fans love to remind KC fans about how recently they won the big show.  Usually, they will say that “At least we won a SuperBowl,” then you remind them the Chiefs won SuperBowl IV, long berfore John Elway and his overbite terrorized the league.  The next inevitable response is that “Well, at least we won this decade in the last 20 years.”  This is the point when you say “Jeff Hostetler, Doug Williams, and Joe Montana; at least we didn’t lose three Super Bowls!”

3. Jay Cutler – This guy is slowly becoming your ADF’s (Average Dumb Fu Denver Fan) favorite topic, so much in fact that Cutler noticed this trend and proclaimed himself the next John Elway in a preemptive ego strike and one that garnered Cut no love at local car dealerships owned by former Denver QB’s. Denver fans also love having a diabetic QB because it gives the announcers 18 more excuses to talk about the big dumb oaf who can’t win one freaking game down the stretch to get into the playoffs (still lol’ing about that one!)

Your typical Denver game now consists of the announcers talking about these three things only:

• Jay Cutler’s blood sugar
• Eddie Royal’s breakout game (every week)
• Brandon Marshall’s suspension(s).

Here’s how the conversations between me and (well, we’ll call him DenverDummy for now.) go…

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We were forced to watch one of the worst Chiefs teams in franchise history.  I swore at the TV, kicked small animals, and thought about suicide.  Nonetheless, I donned a toilet seat during the final game that said FIRE HERM and braved single digit temps and the wrath of Carl — I let my voice be heard.  The wait for news was killing me, Herm, Carl, 2 wins…no end in sight.  Just like the title says, the day is always the darkest before the dawn.

After spending some time at the Fantasy Football Pro Bowl in Hawaii thanks to my massive pwnage of the Arrowhead Addict Fantasy League this year, I have risen again like the sun and am burning bright with cautious optimism for my beloved Chiefs.

I am so pleased with my Chiefs this offseason I went and picked up a new Chiefs hat. (No thank you card necessary Clark.) (It was right next to the away LJ jersey for $19.95) No more Harm, no more Carl, Clark showed us he’s got some cojones and with any luck — we won’t be sidestepping renovations at the stadium this year.  We’ve still got free agency and the draft yet to come before we get a good idea of what team we will be looking at in 2009.  If the Dolphins can come back from a one-win season and make the playoffs with Ricky “Michael Phelps” Williams and Chad “Freakin” Pennington at QB then there is no reason the Chiefs — in a weak AFC West — can’t make the playoffs next year with even just a little help on our lines and middle of their defense.

So in tribute to this fine start to the offseason, walk with me around the Internet…will you?  Some football related some not — on this joyous occasion simply enjoy the ride.  Just click when you see the links and enjoy the multimedia Crane Damage Experience…

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Some KC locals think Tyler Thigpen is the answer going forward.  Everyone is allowed to have an opinion of course, but two wins compared to 11 pretty much seals the argument in Cassel’s favor.  Could he be the next Scott Mitchell? Sure, or he could be the next Tom Brady.  Cassel might end up like other QB’s who weren’t drafted by their current teams like Kurt Warner, Drew Brees, or even Brett Farve. (Farve was drafted by Atlanta originally in case your brain stuttered over that one.)

Considering KC’s track record of developing drafted QB’s, making a play for Cassel wouldn’t be a bad idea.  The Patriots have until Feb. 19 to franchise Cassel, so circle that date on your calendar.  The long and the short of it is that the Chiefs can afford Cassel, and they definitely have a need at QB despite Thiggy Smalls performance last season.  Having two starting-caliber QB’s is becoming vogue in the NFL now due to the massive amounts of injuries at the position. Chiefs fans would have to consider themselves lucky to have a Cassel and a Thigpen considering the ridiculous Brokie Croyle circus Herm brought to town the last few years.

In addition to potentially signing Matt Cassel, there are also rumors O’ plenty about shipping Larry Johnson and even Tony Gonzalez out of town on rails.  One, a malcontent RB who may well not have a lot left in the tank after signing a hefty contract.  The other, a wily veteran TE whose value may never be higher after another Pro Bowl season.  Public sentiment seems to be keep Citizen Tony and boot crybaby L.J. — diapers and all.  However, these opinions are formed with three parts emotion and one part logic considering LJ’s legal “issues” (which would maybe be non issues outside the KC fishbowl), and Tony G’s local celebrity status.

Don’t unbuckle those football helmets just because the Super Bowl is over just yet Chiefs fans…we have quite a few more things to look forward to this season, and expect them to come soon.

Thank you Scott Pioli, thank you Clark Hunt.

The best part may be that we never have to see the confused look at the scoreboard again.

There are talks that the Chiefs are near a deal with former rival Denver coach Mike Shanahan.

Check back for much more on this breaking news.

What a great start to the weekend!

I really wanted to get this debacle of a season off my chest. Once inside I yelled Fire Herm a few random times, but other than that, it was too cold for screaming and carrying on. I was on TV very early in the broadcast, I was holding up a sign that said “COLD But It’s Sunday” with the CBS going down vertically to get the attention of the cameraman. It worked, as I got text messages from all over the state saying they saw me! It made all the hard work of getting that sign together worth it. It had red and green strips of paper around the outside edge in a Christmasy theme- everything was right in the world. Still to come would be a run-in with Darth Vader Peterson himself, but let me get back to that.

The back of my sign had nothing on it before the game, so after a few shots and some chili to warm up in the tent we were shuddering in, I decided to write “Nice 5 Year Plan Carl” really quickly with a Sharpie in about 7 inch letters. I also had on a toilet seat with Christmas lights that had FIRE HERM written on it, but I had that under a layer in case someone at the gate freaked out on me.

My seats were right behind the Chiefs bench. I was decked out in my LJ Jersey over my coat, with my new Chiefs helmet stocking cap which proved to be quite sufficient in single digit temperatures.

After I was sure I was on TV, I didn’t hold the CBS sign up much anymore. However, one time during a break I did pick it up and wave it around. I turned in my seat and asked the guys behind me where Carl was in the suites so I could show him. They all turned around in their seats and started pointing to Carl. Now there are like 20 people pointing up at Carl’s suite. Carl sees us and stands up in his suite and points at ME. I point at the sign- he points at my sign, I beat my chest like a war gorilla a few times and everyone laughed that Carl was getting the message. He gave us the “fake” thumbs up like Commodus from Gladiator. Nothing dirty or immature, from us- just a little ribbing and it appeared that Carl could take it.

Boy was I wrong.

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McNabb is apparently going to be chased out of Philly for no reason this year. I think he should be the first guy we look at this offseason. I never thought these words would be coming out in my column.

McNabb is having a great season despite a meltdown against Baltimore. He’s got 21 TDs: his best total since his 2nd year, and second only to his 2004 season with T.O. where he had 31. He’s right at his career average with a QB rating of 86%, and could possibly break his record for yardage in 2004 (3875) with two games to go sitting at 3511- unless Philly benches him, which is unlikely as they are fighting to get in the playoffs.

McNabb has managed to stay very afloat despite not having any impact WR’s since T.O. Rookie DeSean Jackson is the closest thing McNabb has had in some time that defenses had to be wary of. Meanwhile, he has had clowns like Reggie Brown, Hank Baskett, Jason Avant and 10 other guys who exactly lit up the stat sheet. If McNabb can throw for 1100+ yards to Kevin Curtis, a poor man’s Wes Welk-ah, imagine what he could do with Tony G, D-Bowe, and JaCha out of the backfield! What about Westbrook you might ask? Well he had an amazing 10.1 yds per catch in 2005, then had 771 yards in 07 but is considerably lower this season with 331. Point being – he didn’t get all those yards throwing to Westbrook out of the backfield.

There’s no reason why we can’t sign McNabb at 30+ mil under the cap, and go into next year with our roster looking like this: QB1 McNabb, QB2 Thigpen QB3 Croyle. This would allow us to grab the best defensive player available with our high draft pick and bring in a leader at QB. We could be dangerous with McNabb’s ability to throw to players out of the backfield like Jamaal Charles and still have a power running game in LJ and dangerous downfield options like Bowe and Gonzalez.

Look, this isn’t a testament against Thigpen, he looks like he could fill the void Rich Gannon left – we need to hang onto him. Facts are, Thigpen has only won one game despite some valiant efforts. McNabb is only 32, and isn’t showing much signs of slowing down besides literally with his scrambling perhaps; with a revamped line, he shouldn’t need to run. We don’t face fearsome pass rushers in our division which accounts for half our games. We do, however, face exotic pass defenses in Oakland and Denver, as well as some of the better corners and linebackers- which McNabb is perfectly suited to play against.

The question is, will we see a Farve-like jump by McNabb to the AFC? Or will a team like Chicago or Minnesota snatch him up to face familiar foes?

Here’s his take in the KC Star on the firing resignation of “King” Carl Peterson.

The piece was surprisingly short considering Whitlock has been leading the “Fire King Carl” parade float every year for about the last decade. Jabba must have been out drinking some Courvoisier, reveling in Clark Hunt‘s latest move. I’m wondering if he is going to be able to set aside the race card (yeah right) and keep the band playing for Herm’s firing as well?

Here’s an excerpt:

Of course, Hunt stated that Sunday’s 73-second collapse and surrender of a double-digit lead had nothing to do with Carl Peterson’s “resignation.” Yeah, and my affinity for Gates barbecue has nothing to do with the belt of flab wrapped around my waist.

At least he is honest.

There’s also a funny anecdote in the column about Carl not eating Whitlock’s mother’s cooking at her annual Christmas party that is good for a laugh. Aside from that, a disappointing, short and frankly, lazy piece from J-Dub considering how much ink he has used trying to get the events of yesterday to actually happen. I expected more meat from Whitlock about Carl waving the white flag than a Gates BBQ shout out.

What do you think of Whitlock’s send up of King Carl, Addicts?

Harm Edwards has turned losing into an art form. For loss-aficionados, today was a thing of beauty. I wonder if Harm can take up painting because at this point, he might be able to make serious bank at Lloyd’s of London if he can paint as well as he can lose.

21-10 with 1:13 to go. Final Score 22-21, Chargers. Its been a while since I have seen a team that looked so sure to win, dominating for three quarters, only to collapse and get shut out in the 4th. We led 21-3 in the third quarter!

• Will the Connor Barth believers please raise your hand? Thanks, now show yourself out.
• D-Bowe! You’re my man, and you took a big shot- but you gotta hang onto the ball son.
• Harm, what can I say. If we were trying to lose, that was a thing of beauty. It really was. I told my old man with 6 minutes left that I could see us losing this one. He agreed, and we couldn’t stop laughing as it went down. I mean really, at this point that’s all you can do is have a hearty Christmas chuckle at Herm and Company’s ineptitude.

All excuses go out the window at this point. Rookies, young team etc. Yeah we missed a few kicks, a few drops, a pick — whatever…that’s football. At some point blowing big leads has to fall on the coaching staff. That’s where the buck stops. Its not Tony’s fault, or LJ or Thiggy or D-Bowe – (well, maybe D-Bowe)…or Carl or Clark or the fans. It’s the coaching.

I want to take a win anytime, but at this point…why get upset over the loss? — outside of wanting to get rid of this cancerous loser Herm Edwards that is. Even when he is winning he loses! Tampa, 21 point lead, this debacle today…all we can do is laugh and hope Clunt comes to his senses.

I wanted to get this up and let people vent on the comments before we get some post up tomorrow trying to look at the bright side. There is no bright side to this loss, aside from keeping and bettering our draft position. My God, what is it going to take before we can get you homers to call for Herm’s head?

My advice to Clark, next week, take a good look at the empty seats and repeat “HARM” in your head 50 times because that’s how they will continue to look next season. Even when “the plan” takes effect, how is this coach going to maintain a lead? He can’t won’t and don’t. Please spend some of that jack you saved this year at our expense and hire Bill Cowher. I’m begging you, the fans are begging you and we are the ones paying the tab. Be like Nike and “JUST DO IT”

WIN WITH THE CHIN ’09

In the top bracket, we had two upsets, with the bottom-seeded Bodies By Mangino in a close 3 point upset over the top-seeded Bobbleheads- 82-85

A milder upset but still an upset none the less, had fifth seed, Sea of Red, toppling the fourth seed- PIGSKIN STROKERS. 82-69 Behind 21 from Jeff Garcia and three others in double digits.

Quarterfinal(1) Bobbleheads 82 (8) Bodies by Mangino 85
Quarterfinal(4) PIGSKIN STROKERS 69 (5) Sea of Red 82

In the lower bracket, the two largest point totals came from the favorites, with the 3 seed, Where’sMyHoodie, (yours truly) blasting the FrayedKnots 110-68 behind 27 points from Chris Johnson and big numbers from Steve Smith, Fitz and a risky start in Donovan McNaab post-meltdown. The worst ass-whipping of the day went to Merlin’s Maine Bears who got blown out by over 100 points in the “Buzzsaw” that is the DeBergBushWhackers 146-41, ouch! 42 out of DeAngelo and 29 from Roddy White in a head-scratcher in case you were wondering. I will give Merlin Props for 13 out of Tashard Choice from Dallas but that was some throttling you endured!

Quarterfinal(3) Where’sMyHoodie 116(6) FrayedKnots 68
Quarterfinal(2) DeBergBushwhackers 142 (7) Maine Bears 41

Semifinal(8) Bodies by Mangino (5) Sea of Red
Semifinal(3) Where’sMyHoodie (2) DeBergBushwhackers

Where’sMyHoodie is struggling with some coaching decisions, does he start LenDale and Chris Johnson vs. Houston and roll the dice on a big day, Or should they go with Ronnie Brown who has been disappointing of late? They dropped Miami’s Defense into the slim pickens of the league waiver wire and will roll with Seattle in the dome at St. Louis. Shaun Hill in Miami or McNaab home vs. Cleveland? TE Visanthe Shiancoe or go with Martellus Bennet who almost broke the Dallas rookie record for TD’s in straight games? Even at 3rd WR, Holt? Kevin Curtis? Or the upstart rook in the ATL- Harry Douglas, who has been electric but is risky. Let us know your thoughts and if you’re one of the playoff teams, send in your analysis and or questions and I will add it to this post.

The Faiders almost look as bad as we did early this season; and that’s saying something because we were HORRID. Horrid is a word that gets thrown around a lot by guys my age but I can’t really think of a better adjective than that. JaMarcus Russell looks terrible. What did he do besides stuff donuts into his grill the year he sat out? Play Madden with his eyes closed? It looks as though he hasn’t learned one thing about football.

What a freaking waste, it wouldn’t be funny if it was anybody but the Raiders. On topic, did anyone catch the SD/OAK game on the NFL Network Thursday? It was a great broadcast with Marshall Faulk asking LT tough questions that you don’t usually see. However, there was so much trash talk about the Raiders from the on-air talent – especially with that buffoon Warren Sapp – it almost appeared the NFL was encouraging the “Al Davis Roast” that was the broadcast. We as NFL fans are getting deprived of star power elsewhere because supposed top flight pros being sucked down the “Black Hole”. Anyhow, back to the Chiefs.

I love how fans are getting excited over games we should win at this point. Some of the regulars around here are already putting their pink shades back on again and wanting the rest of us to see the team the way they do. Hey, yeah sure, we are getting better…but that’s what should happen, so let’s not leap off the “Herm Backslap Bridge” just yet. We are on pace for my prediction of 4-12 perfectly. I didn’t set the bar high for the Germ, if he doesn’t clear it, I’m holding him back a grade, and that grade was already an F, so – ball’s in your court Harmie.

I made a comment recently that if Herm can get us a win at Invesco Field where we have never won before – I will drop the FIRE HARM EDWARDS campaign for the rest of the season. I will not mention it again. I feel that this is a more than fair challenge considering Denver is a team we beat handily when they were a lot healthier than they are currently. Then came the 7-game losing streak, but let’s not go down that road, I just wanted to remind everyone.

I hate Denver with a passion. Denver fans are far worse than Raider fans because of their arrogance. The same stupid comeback for every argument “Back-to-back Superbowls” blah blah blah. I guess I would say that too, if I was a bitch anyway. A lot of moronic Denver fans love to credit John Elway with those Super Bowls when in fact, I would say thank Stink and that O-line and Terrell Davis (What?) TERRELL DAVIS!!!, ahem, bad joke – contributed more to those championships than Elway did in those two years.

I have been telling my Denver fan buddies that they are going to end up losing the West if we beat them and SD wins out. Well SD already got one game out of the way and I think they can beat Denver again – legitimately, without Ed Hochuli’s help, that is.

Sunday’s game will feature two of the NFL’s youngest teams with both Denver and Kansas City combining to field 19 rookies who have appeared in at least 10 games this season. Kansas City’s 10 rookies with at least 10 games played lead the NFL while Denver’s nine such rookies rank second in the league.

My favorite Chiefs Game of Recent Memory: KANSAS CITY 19, DENVER 10 (Nov. 23, 2006)

Lamar Hunt lobbied the NFL for 37 years to put a Thanksgiving game in Kansas City, but had to listen to his Chiefs beat the Broncos in 2006 over the phone in his hospital bed.

“Lamar, I hope you’re feeling better,” an emotional Trent Green said moments after the Chiefs wrapped up a 19-10 victory in a key AFC West showdown.

Appearing on the NFL Network’s first-ever live game broadcast, the Broncos’ four-game road winning streak is snapped with their Thanksgiving Day loss in Kansas City. The Chiefs take a 10-0 lead late in the second quarter – Denver goes into halftime trailing 10-3. After the Broncos trim Kansas City’s lead to 13-10 in the third quarter, the Chiefs score the game’s final points on two field goals. The Chiefs outrush the Broncos 223-38 yards. Larry Johnson dominates with 157 yards.

Being the 1st ever game on the NFL Network, 1st game in KC on Thanksgiving and me away from friends and family living in Oregon, I definitely had a happy Thanksgiving, hooting and hollering into the woods so loud I probably caused 3 Bigfoot-sighting reports with my screaming!

Give me another one of those Harm and I will get off your back. Wear a Thiggy Smalls Shirt on the sideline and I will drop the campaign too.

I’m still calling you Harm though. Deal with it.

Now before all you Herm Apologists and homers and insane sheep come out and stomp your feet and cry “but we ARE looking better”- hear me out. I’m you! I’m die-hard Chiefs! I hate Denver and Oakland and can’t imagine going to a game in any other stadium than Arrowhead! I am the guy that found Joe Phillips! I am the guy who called for Brodie Croyle’s head! I am the guy who gave you LJ’s accuser! I love you man! Sometimes when we love so deeply we have to give out some tough love. Lock the doors, this has went from column to intervention.

I think Tyler Thigpen is good. I’ll say it again, Tyler Thigpen is good. The guy looks like a capable NFL QB. I don’t know if he can start and win games yet, but he gives the illusion of a good football team. A mirage in a dusty desert Chiefs fans crawl to — reaching out for, holding out hope that someone can rescue us from QB hell and quench our thirst for stability. Oh, hahaha! But then there’s Herm Edwards and Ashton Kutcher there at the water’s edge to kick sand in your face with his 32nd ranked defense. You’re on Punk’d!

Some of my detractors out there, newly-anointed Hermaphrodites, claim that I never have anything good to say about Herm. My reply is, give me something good to say! Why do you think I named him Harm? Because the guy does nothing but bad things for our team. We need a Hippocratic Coaching oath that includes “Do no Harm“, the Lombardi Pledge or Ditka Doctrine could be some good names for said oath.

Fact of the matter is, Mr. Thigpen hasn’t won a game yet, and its not for a lack of trying. The same old Herm reasons also apply here why we are still losing games- poor clock management, poor decisions on 3rd and 4th down, not kicking to send a game to overtime… Common denominator = Herm. The only reason the Thigpen isn’t hurt yet a la Croyle & Huard is because of the spread offense. Thiggy Smalls should be on his hands and knees every G.D. night thanking Chan Gailey for his head still being attached to his body.

We went to the spread offense out of necessity! Necessity! We had to get 8 guys out of our box so we could breathe on offense because Herm’s vanilla ice cream offense melted down our hand — and then like Brodie Croyle’s urine — went straight down the leg. Had we not switched to the spread, we’d be signing more guys off the street and Mark Wahlberg isn’t walking through the doors anytime soon.

You know and I know that we aren’t playing Herm football right now and that’s where this Thigpen mirage comes from. We see the ball flying around and making some first downs and even some touchdowns, but still come up short but “Hey at least it was fun to watch right?” Right and wrong, because next year when we have a starting QB and some semblance of an offensive line and maybe some new toys on defense we are going to be right back to square one with Harm Edwards football. Running the ball (if we still have LJ) and trying to play the vaunted Tampa 2 without the right linebackers and we are going to be having all these same conversations again.

• Why can’t we keep our QB upright?
• What is Herm doing/thinking/watching on that play?
• Why are we losing games in the 4th quarter?
• Why are we running the ball up the gut 3 times and punting?

Get ready Hermlovers, because this is what this site will look like just under a year from now.

Clark Hunt — if you or your minions are reading this, I implore you, I beg you…make your mark on this franchise. Its time to step out of Daddy’s rather large shadow and take the reigns of this stagecoach because its headed over the cliff and the horses have blinders on. Hire us a winning coach and the rest of the pieces will fall into place. None of this “do-over” and free shit season pass business. This football team is exactly that, a business. Treat it as such.

I love the Addicts and all Chiefs fans, but I spit the Herm Edwards bait out, and I’m not falling for this debacle and never will. We are worse than the Detroit Lions record-wise. Think about that.

1-18 is UNACCEPTABLE!

I picked us to go 4-12 again this year. Not too much to ask for and it could still happen, but until I see improvement on the win/loss record, we aren’t getting any better no matter how thirsty we are for victories, what we are seeing now is a mirage, and a lot of Chiefs fans are seeing what they want to see.

Larry Johnson is now being sued by his accuser, Lawrence’s own Ashley Stewart.

From the KC Star-

The woman, Ashley N. Stewart, told police that Johnson intentionally spit his drink in her face and threatened to kill her boyfriend.

Monday’s lawsuit does not seek specific monetary damages, only an amount that is “fair and reasonable to be determined by the jury.” Stewart’s lawyer, Kirra N. Jones, said her client’s injuries are real.

“She has been subjected to not only the initial incident, but the humiliation that stemmed from that,” Jones said. “Basically, what we seek to do is to hold Larry Johnson responsible for his actions and hopefully send a message to him and the community that this is not going to continue.”

Want to see more of the plaintiff? Thanks to WomenofKU.com and the lovely calendar they produced in 2006, we are able to take a peek(s) at Ms. Stewart (ALLEGEDLY). She should be driving something new in the Lawrence area quite soon.

Tyler Thigpen can go out there and play like Drew Brees and we can rush for 100 yards, score 27 points and still lose. The common denominator? Herm Freaking Edwards. Harm Edwards.

My question to you, fellow Chiefs fans, is how much Harm is enough? How long must we deal with Herm wrecking our team and tunneling it further into the ground before we storm the castle?

He’s taken two teams, year-in, year-out playoff participants and gone nowhere but downhill with them.

In KC he took a team with one of the most prolific offenses in the league and turned it into a Pop Warner squad. The Chiefs the last several years have sort of resembled the last two Presidents- (Obama and Bush) a tale of two extremes. Dick’s Team was all offense and no defense, we’ll call his Bush for argument’s sake. Now, I wish I could say Herm “fixed” our defense, gave us a mediocre offense and brought us to the Obama term and Arrowhead glory of the early 90′s: but we have no offense AND no defense; while we still have some offensive stars, their play has been, well…offensive. We can’t seem to find the middle.

Herm’s defensive expertise, which he is given waaaay too much credit for- has given us a worse defense than we had during the Vermeil years. This year we are last in rushing yards allowed by 17 percent. It’s an embarrassment and there’s no way to explain why Harm Edwards still has a job. Unless of course you are Carl’s homie and you work at One Arrowhead Drive, where the “Rebuilding Umbrella” shields you from those heavy downpours of criticism, keeping you warm and dry from the storm.

Fuel to the fire

Herm has been good at squeaking into the playoffs with Bill Parcells and Dick Vermeil teams, at 10-6, 9-7 and then 6-10. He runs RBs like Curtis Martin and Larry Johnson into the ground and can’t protect his QBs. He had to bring Vinny Testaverde out of retirement due to injuries, got Trent Green killed, hurt Damon that year, now Brodie and Damon again. LJ was leading the league in rushing ’til he jumped the shark or we would have been down the same road again. If we had beat the Raiders, we’d be contending for the top seed of the AFC West with two wins! The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. Having Herm Edwards as the coach of your football team needs to be part two of that definition. All roads lead to mediocrity.

Oh yeah and we are 1-17. ONE AND SEVENTEEN! Going back to last season’s losing streak of 9 games.

Miami won one game last year, and look what Parcells/Sparano has done with them. Contending for their division, playoff bound- with Herm’s cast-off QB Chad Pennington! Rams, Falcons and Dolphins OH MY! All out-coaching and outperforming the Germ. Please, by all means defend Herm, but I challenge you to do it without the statement of “give him more time.”

• Are we seeing some improvement from young players? Yes, albeit, a little bit- absolutely. Isn’t that to be expected, at least a little bit?
• Are we still finding ways to lose games under Herm? More than we should.
• Was Brodie Croyle a mistake? Of course he was, it was obvious from the get-go.
  
• Was LJ’s contract a mistake? That’s looking like a yes- but don’t count him out.
  
• Letting Jared Allen go? I think we all know we had to.
• Not letting Tony Gonzalez walk? A mistake if we are truly rebuilding.

Finally, this question is for the fans to answer…

Addicts, how much time do we give Harm Edwards despite the Rebuilding Umbrella and other excuses?

A Dutch dance club called Watt in Rotterdam has a new type of dance floor that harvests the energy generated by jumps and gyrations and transforms it into electricity. With its human engineering, Watt partly powers itself: The better the music, the more people dance, the more electricity comes out of the floor.

You might be able to guess where I am going with this, imagine how much power could be generated by the Arrowhead Addicts! I know G.M. Carl Peterson and owner Clark Hunt are thinking how much they could save on Kansas City Power and Light bills next season! The Chiefs might be able to save some scratch and perhaps spend some of that cap money that we are hoarding for “current” (no pun intended) stadium renovations.

In theory, piezoelectric floors can take the energy of any step or jump and convert it into electricity, although that process is now expensive and inefficient, converting just a fraction of human energy to usable power. But the technology is evolving- you could soon see this sort of Green power in use on sidewalks, subway platforms and perhaps most promising, gyms and fitness centers. We could line the Arrowhead floors and concourses with these materials and use them to run the video screens, the lights and even the PA speakers. Hell, it could even run Carl’s hair dryer for at least 30 seconds. Of course, we’d need extra material if we were gonna power Herm Edwards bloviating stupid answers at press conferences too.

This week’s EFFYOU goes to the KCPD for charging someone with assault with a deadly liquid. *rolls eyes*

That’s it for today’s Damage…oh and on December 19, 1988 Lamar Hunt Hired Carl Peterson.

We are wrapping up day 7, 256 of Carl’s 5 year plan.

Quick Hitters:

Our pals at Deadspin in partnership with Playboy are having a Comment Contest of sorts, the best comments in regards to the following question will be printed in an upcoming issue of the magazine.

“In these tough economic times, what advice do you have for pro athletes?”

Look for me, HochuliApology, I’m in there a few times.

We’ve got some new features here on A.A. that appeared this week, borrowed from TV.

New Rules and Deep Thoughts by Herm Edwards that will definitely have more airtime.

The Mike Vick watch continues

Our QB search begins

Could Matt Leinart be on our short list?

The Phillies won a championship…congrats to the female horse named team with pink pinstripes.

You thought Philly Fans were bad…at least they didn’t throw dildos at Santa.

An excuse to show Alyssa Milano wearing Chiefs crap.

Finally, will the person who threw this bottle please report to Chiefs’ practice tomorrow? We have a QB slot open for you. Hat tip – Deadspin

First of all, my main claim in this edition of Crane Damage is, Bob Gretz is a bitch. He wins this week’s EFFYOU award (which I hand out at my discretion). I hate to throw the “B” label on another man, but I feel in this case the shoe (or bra) fits. Bob Gretz is a douche for telling people Brodie had tears in his eyes going into the tunnel. Keep that shit in the locker room Bobby!

First of all, this report was apparently to cause fan empathy and/or pity toward Croyle, as Gretz is the mouthpiece for the Chiefs. “Oh, but it shows how much the young man cares about football…” save it, shut it. That report did no one any favors. It does make me pity him, but more than before…and that’s not a good thing. Don’t tell me its because he’s crying because of how bad he wants to be out there. Please, any man in America wants to be out there playing quarterback for an NFL team so spare me the Baloney N’ Gretz please. I can picture Gretz, standing there…looking for anything to tell the listeners about our wounded warrior…spots the tears and a lightbulb turns on over his head. He reports it without really thinking it through. Who did that help? It sure didn’t help Brodie and his image, and I don’t see how it benefited the fan base either. Ignorance would have been bliss here. I feel bad enough already for Brodie, so bad in fact, I’m not gonna call him Brokie* anymore. Its just too fitting a nickname that eventually becomes an insult. *fingers crossed

There is, however, good news Chiefs fans! So shed no more tears because Bro-Bro is going to volunteer for a radical government “bone-reinforcing” experiment. There is a doctor out there that has volunteered his services to perform a risky, but necessary, operation on Brodie Croyle’s entire body. The Canadian Government approached Croyle and his agent, Babe Winkelman, with the idea of replacing his skeleton, one bone at a time, with solid adamantium (the strongest metal known to mankind).

The operation will also have some additional effects like animal-keen senses, enhanced physical capabilities, retracting bone claws, and a healing factor that allows him to quickly recover from virtually any wound, disease or toxin or big hit. This healing ability will enable doctors to bond the near-indestructible metal alloy adamantium to his skeleton and claws–making him impervious to attacks from villains of the NFL like Albert Hanynesworth and Adailus Thomas.

The operation will serve Brodie in two forms, the first being that he will be resistant to the NFL’s most punishing hits over and over again…but as a side effect, he may perhaps, at times, violently murder opposing players. The second intended result is to make Croyle “the greatest hunter alive on planet Earth and Alabama” (his words/wish). There is also a movie deal in the works to tell this story with Hugh Jackman starring.

So look forward to next year Chiefs fans, when the Brodie Croyle Experiment goes mutant and we will have a Wolverine at quarterback that didn’t go to Michigan!

Herm Edwards called a press conference this morning at Arrowhead and delivered some shocking news.

Edwards announced yet another devastating suspension for Chiefs fans, coming on the heels of yesterday’s suspension deactivation of star running back Larry Johnson.

“I got some good news and some bad news, the good news is I won’t be on the sideline this Sunday, as I am suspending myself for conduct detrimental to the team. Bad news, which you may have heard about yesterday, is that Larry won’t be with us because he pushed some chickenhead in the face like Samson did on Half-Baked during his back-e-otomy lament, in a downtown KC club 8 months ago.”

Edwards also commented about Johnson’s alleged victim having other motivations than justice, such as money, from his starting running back.

“Now I ain’t sayin’ she a gold digger, But she ain’t messin’ wit no broke ni*#as,” Edwards said.

Bob Gretz asked how Johnson would handle the one game suspension, Edwards said, “He gon’ make it to a Benz out of that Datsun. He got that ambition, baby look in his eyes. This week he’s moppin’ floors, next week it’s the fries. So, stick by his side, I know this dude’s ballin, and yeah that’s nice.”

When asked about why Edwards didn’t wait for the NFL to decide who is suspended and who is not, Edwards continued, “We are trying to beat Commissioner Roger Goodell to the punch, because you all saw Pacman get lifted off the ground and choked out by Roger’s force powers this week, and as you all know from seeing Larry whiff on blocks that the force is not strong with him. We hope this pre-emptive suspension against both Larry and myself will help us get at least one first down and get someone in there to block for Brodie since its possible he could end up in the trash compactor with Chewbacca and Luke facing that Tennessee defense.”

Edwards faced some tough questions from KC media types like Jason Whitlock as well, “Being the best head coach in the league, and maybe of all-time, how can you justifiably suspend yourself?”

“You play to win the game…hello!?” Edwards replied. “My coaching has been problematic for the last six games and two years so I’m hoping that by removing myself from the situation, we will be able to get a win Sunday. It’s a fun time if you have a job. It’s not a fun time when you’re a guy who doesn’t have a job.”

Edwards also commented on the return of Brodie Croyle, the Chiefs oft-injured, winless quarterback and whether he would throw the ball more than usual with his running back out.

“You do what’s best for your team, … throw passes and get (the quarterback) killed. Are you kidding me? For what? That’s ridiculous.”

“What we’re worrying about now is trying to figure out who to blame. But there is no blame, teams go through this,” insisted Edwards. “I mean, really, really, what’s worse for the Chiefs? What’s worse for the Chiefs? If I’m not there, they can’t blame me. Can’t blame me, right? There’s no problem here.”

The loss of Tony G will hurt the Chiefs short-term financially, far more than the value of crap draft picks we would gain in return (unless they are 1st or second round). Additionally, God help the player we get in the draft due to the number of Tony G references he would have to suffer through. Also, from a business standpoint, getting rid of the only player most women can name on the Chiefs is a silly idea if revenue has any importance locally. I can name 10 women off the top of my head that will be soured and bitchy on the Chiefs forever if they ship the Big Vegetarian Burrito out of town. That’s 10 people not going to games, buying beers, paying for parking etc. If Tony splits, you can literally multiply that number by 1000. Ask any female Chiefs fan who their favorite player is and they don’t hesitate to tell you, “Tony Gonzalez.” And of course, there will be tons of those “Tony deserves to be traded to a contender” people out there. Y’all are so sweet.

I’ve maintained this position for a week now, and I continue to support the theory that if Herm and Co. would have gotten Tony the record in front of family and Chiefs fans, instead of dissing him; I don’t think Tony would have been as upset or as accepting of a trade. Tony was mad and he had every right to be. Was this the straw that broke the proverbial camel’s back? Some have speculated that T.G. went in after the Atlanta game and asked for the trade. After Thiggy Small’s Interception Party, that is believable. “Oh, you guys have a rookie QB in Matt Ryan? Well, we will play our third string QB just to even things out.”

Some of the real offers being reported are: a third rounder from Buffalo, oh and a new set of speculation from Buffalo too, some interest from Philadelphia, and a low-ball sixth-round pick from the New York Giants. (You kinda gotta love someone for low-balling Carl. How’s your own medicine taste King?) Of course, KC’s former favorite redneck footballer, Jared Allen, had to poke his nose into this too. Mind your business Jared. KC is no longer a concern to you. If you don’t like Big Red then #@CK YOU.

There is also some late talk from the “King of plagurizing Rick Reilly”, Adam Schefter*, that the Dolphins are shopping QB John Beck and the Detroit Lions throwing out last year’s surprise garbage time fantasy hero, WR Shaun McDonald. If Beck can’t outplay Pennington, we shouldn’t want him. *I caught A.S. copying a paragraph of R.R.’s and through that, met Woody Paige at the Denver Post. True story.

Here are some of the scenarios of trading Tony G for some “good” players. Listed below are some potential deals and big name players that will be free agents next year, and could immediately contribute to the Chiefs.

• Trade to the Giants for their 2nd and fifth…surely Tony is at least worth Shockey compensation.
• Trade him for the Cardinal’s Anquan Boldin – drawbacks: Q wants paid massively and we’d likely have to throw in a 1st rounder. Worth it? No, probably not with Brokie Croyle at the wheel.
• Trade for Ocho Cinco – No one in the league needs a change of scenery more. Worth it? I personally like Ocho but I’m not sure if I’d like him in my backyard. Worth it if we don’t give anything else.
• Trade him to the Cardinals for Karlos Dansby He’s 26 and a rising star linebacker. We’d have to throw in a 1st. The Cards will probably franchise him.
• Trade him for Derek Anderson - but after he decided to actually play well last night; weeks after RUINING my fantasy draft and being cut (by me), the Browns won’t trade him, and he can kiss my ass.
• Tony wants to cry? Ship him to Oakland to die. We’ll take next year’s FA corner Nmadhi Asomugha out of Davisland: second to Neverland Ranch on “Places not to be in after the sun sets“.

Other Noteable FA’s:
Tank Johnson, Mike Peterson, Bart Scott, Chris Gamble, Dawan Landry, Terrell Suggs, Jonathan Vilma, Eric Barton and Ray Lewis.


Sound off Addicts: What should we do with the Big Burrito?

However, when my doctor diagnosed me with BCFS this week (Battered Chiefs Fan Syndrome) I was in denial.

BCFS? Not me. I swore to him the shiner I had was because clumsy me walked into a doorknob. He got up slowly and shut the door, held my hand and told me I was in a safe place.

“Did Herm do this to you?” he asked quietly. I shook my head.

“Carl? Was it Carl?” I shrugged.

“I had it coming,” I said slumped in my chair. “I thought we’d get beat by Denver, so I didn’t go to the game. Next thing you know, Bing! Bang! Boom! To the Moon! Its my fault… for not having the tailgate set up when he got to the stadium.”

The good doctor then proceeded to tell me that despite the Denver game, there is no excuse for BCFS.

“We have seen an extreme uptick in the number of BCFS cases since 2006,” he told me. “You are not alone.”

That’s when I broke down sobbing and let it all come out…”It started in 1991, the Dolphins game…when Nick the Kick had no kick left in his balls against Miami. That was the first time I was abused. I gave the Chiefs the benefit of the doubt that there wouldn’t be a next time.”

“Go on, its OK,” he said.

“1993… Joe Montana, Marcus Allen…Buffalo. AFC Championship it happened again. I never thought I would get over it. Just when I had put it behind me, it happened again in 1996 – Lin Elliot missed three field goals and it was my fault. It left me emotionally scarred and I wore sunglasses around for a week to hide it.”

I started to get choked up…”Then…BAM! in 1998, I began cheating on Elvis Grbac…with Rich Gannon, but I took Elvis back against my better judgment. Call me Priscilla, ’cause I was “all shook up”. Then Rich left me for the Raiders, Neil left too, and Marty retired. It was what I considered until last year, rock bottom. In 2000, Derrick died and we were never the same.”

The doc scribbled some notes on his clipboard, and said “What about now with Herm? Has it gotten worse?”

“Herm has come into my home on Sundays time and time again – 12 times in a row at one point, and beat my ass as a fan. Sometimes painful, sometimes with a smile on his face, but the result was always the same. ‘You play to win the game!’ He lied as he kept battering me and other fans that were used to and spoiled by winning. Carl even got into the mix, letting Jared Allen go and leaving us $39 mil under the cap and I couldn’t take any more. It got so bad that the police were called. This is what I told them.

“He didn’t mean to hit me officer. He’s a good man. I was lying in the driveway when he ran over my head with the truck! He’s a good man, he didn’t mean to hit me… he’s passed out under the trailer, with his dog, Skeeter!*” *hat tip

That’s when the doctor offered me this sage advice, “Being a Chiefs fan is a lot like being a Cubs fan. You’ve tasted ultimate victory 100 years ago, OK maybe only almost 40 years, and been close as recently as the 2004 season when you went 13-3 with one of the league’s highest scoring offenses. Even in 2005, you finished 10-6 and were only the fourth team since 1990 to miss the playoffs with that record. You took one of the highest scoring offenses in the league and let Harm Edwards do his best Tom Landry/Herschel Walker-circa-1988-impression in ’06 and literally run it into the ground by giving your new star running back, Larry Johnson, over 400 attempts, you backed into the playoffs – hoping to run roughshod over a shoddy horrible Indianapolis defense and avenge your 2004 defeat at the hands of the mighty Colts in Arrowhead. That, as you know, didn’t happen.”

He continued, “Hell, Kansas City was 13-10 (over two seasons) going into the middle of 2007 after losing Trent Green and Willie Roaf, cornerstones of the team. So what’s the problem? Herm wanted to be a G.M., not a coach. The answer is the same as the primary cause of the current economic crisis. Negligence. Negligence with a dose of Herm Edwards.” Click the link to return the favor (oldie but goodie). A win against Denver, like an apology and some roses from the wifebeater, doesn’t put Humpty-Dumpty back together again. Good luck this week Chiefs, you’ll need it.

All this work was done so eventually football fans could have a “green” solution to express their displeasure with their local sports teams by wearing aforementioned bags on their heads, scribbling “FIRE _______!!!” The Detroit Lions eventually got this to work with their firing of Matt Millen and Chiefs fans should take note.

The old adage says “Beauty is a Lightswitch Away”, if only that were true with the Chiefs; I would have already got Herm Edwards pregnant. It worked with Sarah Palin’s daughter didn’t it? Hell, why not hire Sarah Palin as our head coach and G.M.? If she can kill a moose with her bare hands and field dress it with her teeth, she surely can wear a headset and glance up at the clock…or call the exact same play twice in a row like Herm did last week (pass to the left, short flare over the top to Jamaal Charles).

The brown paper bag goes with Herm Edwards as well as it does an ugly girl. Yeah everyone likes her ok enough, and says she has a “great personality,” but when it nears showtime we still want to put that bag over her head. Sure Herm’s a great quote guy and a player’s coach, but when game time nears I find myself reaching for something…a remote…a paper bag…or if I’m at the game, I reach for my trusty…

Kansas City Chiefs Fan Stadium Pack!

1 Paper Bag – Brown. (no holes…I can’t watch)

1 Arrowhead bottled water 16 oz. (or Everclear, if you prefer)

1 Sony Walkman DVD Player (with a burned DVD of 2006 KC-Denver Thanksgiving Game)

1 Vermeil-ex (cross between a Terrible Towel and Kleenex for wiping tears/vomit)

If you can’t find a paper bag but are able to procure a plastic bag…fear not! You may have the answer. What we need to do to really send a message to King Carl and the gang at One Arrowhead Drive is bring plastic bags to the game. Now hear me out. We need COMMITTED, make that literally DIE-HARD Chiefs fans to pull this one off.

Bring your Wal-Mart plastic bags to the game, in secret. Stash them in your pocket. After the final whistle of the third quarter…whip ‘em out (the bags…get your mind out of the gutter). Kiss your wife, or seat neighbor goodbye. Finish your water or Everclear. Wipe away those tears with your Vermeil-ex. Place the plastic bag over your head and turn around and ask the person behind you (if there is anyone at the game) on your signal to wrap the handles tight around your head and pull when you sit down.

At first you’re going to panic like Brodie turning to give the handoff on the wrong side, but relax and walk toward the light. You’re going to a better place. A place full of multiple touchdown games and stingy defense. Fantasy football is awesome in Heaven. Each week all your players are Saints and have career games. With any luck you’ll meet a Priest at the Red and Gold gates, dressed in all white and healthy; extending his little touchdown shrug into a hug for you, the Chief fan that made the ultimate sacrifice.

This Heaven’s Gate/Jim Jonesian approach to protest won’t win the hearts and minds of the Hunts, but it will get us way more media attention than a few guys in the beer garden running into walls with bags on their heads. It will show our commitment, our resolve and in a “samurai-falling-on-his-sword” kinda way…our honor.

In all seriousness, you can’t just throw a bag over your head to make a lasting statement to our Chiefs management. There has to be more substance–like everyone having the exact same thing written on their brown bag and not spending one penny more than necessary in Arrowhead. The question is, who do we want out first? King Carl, Harm, Brokie, or everybody? My order of operations would be Harm, Brokie, and eventually Carl. I think Carl still could serve a purpose in strictly GM capacity over a year or two, but he needs to be gone by 2010 for sure. Let’s let him finish this stadium expansion before half the cast of the Sopranos is sitting in lawn chairs collecting a paycheck in the parking lot. Carl isn’t coaching, or calling plays or starting Tyler Thigpen. Carl is however, laughing all the way to the bank (that is, before it fails too).

I’ve given you the Blueprint. It’s up to you to make the medium the message.

Finally, Did you hear that Arrowhead is about to be named Tampax Stadium?

It’s because the Chiefs are only good for one period and don’t have a second string!

Brodie Croyle’s only hope to be a star in Kansas City is if the Chiefs and Royals suck so bad simultaneously that they create a black hole at the sports complex that is only reversed by David Glass and Clark Hunt simultaneously joining their open wallets together like Voltron creating the Kansas City Chroyles a merger of the Chiefs and Royals; a shittiest of the shitty combination of KC suck with Brodie Croyle as the pitcher and quarterback that always gets hurt the first game of the season.

Just think, the Chroyles could out-build Famous Dave’s Arrowhead Stadium* so big that it could encompass the K. For SuperBowl and ad considerations, we’ll shape the roof like a weber grill, even with a vent that open up in a circle to shine light down to the pitcher’s mound/50 yard line to illuminate our star pitcher/quarterback Brokie Croyle and Garth Brooks the next time he comes to town. Hell, we can have a golf cart with a spatula on the front, The Spatula-Mobile, come scrape Brokie off the field at each opener!

Local Radio Commercial in KC soon:

“Hai y’all, I’m Brodie Croyle, when I ain’t pitchin’ or playin’ quarterback for the Chroyles I do my shoppin’ for ammo, decoys and Ben Gay at Bass Pro Shop!”

Quick Hitters:

• 3 starting QB’s in the first 3 games has only happened 3 times…ever. (Guess good things don’t happen in 3′s.)

• A Chiefs-drafted QB hasn’t won a regular season game for us since ’83. (Dang 3′s)

• “Chiefs Apathy” from fans will do more damage than “Harm“* Edwards ever will.

• Watching the Chiefs play-honestly, I haven’t missed the halfback pass this bad since Tecmo Bowl.

*Harm = Herm, henceforth.
**I know Famous Dave’s isn’t HQ’d in KC- Carl will sell out to an out-of-stater in a panic after seeing the ticket sales report.

QB Carousel:

Week One
So we begin the season vs New England with Brokie Croyle, Brokie gets broke-ed in the first game. He beat my prediction of getting injured in the Denver Game by 2 games. Huard comes in and stinks too. Throw in a case of the dropsies by D-Bo and that’s L soup. “No Win for you!”

Week Two
Superbowl Ring Owner Damon “RainMan” Huard starts game two against what looked to be a totally hapless Oakland team that Denver embarrassed the week before. “RainMan” gets a phantom “head injury” that isn’t released until much later in the game. Harm Edwards decides to play Marques Hagans fresh off the practice squad along with boner-rific Tyler Thigpen who “set all kinda records” at Coastal Carolina University (which had just started football five years prior.) All you need to know is about 39 comments on “Worst Moment”

Week 3
Atlanta, a preseason pick for the worst team in the league, has started 1-1. Thigpen starts and accidentally hands off to the rushing Atlanta defender for 6. Hagans comes in and gets booed because the Atlanta crowd mistakes him for Michael Vick because he never throws and his tats. We do something that rhymes with “news”. Hint? It starts with “L”.

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2008 has been the year of the nickname so far.

People love nicknames.  You know who doesn’t love nicknames?  Your mom and the NFL.

Chad Johnson going the hilarious “top that” extra mile of legally changing his name to Chad Ocho Cinco; the latest transgression that makes NFL commish Roger Goodell reach for the Advil. But hey, at least Ocho isn’t getting arrested daily like the rest of his Bengal brethren right? Either way, he has managed to be a burr in Goodell’s ass and raise interesting legal questions in the process.

It would be good for the NFL in spirit to lighten things up a bit. In an age of Fantasy Football, ludicrous contracts and stadium naming rights being sold to foreign firms; its nice to get a sideshow and entertainment to make us smile or wince. That being said, the NFL needs to make a policy before a bad precedent is set for future prima donna WR’s like KC’s own Dwayne Bowe aka Mr. Awesome.

The league has been cheapened enough by Spygate, Pacman arrests, and Bryant Gumbel doing games on the NFL Network. Do we, the fans, want headlines like these? The NFL absolutely does not.

• Mr. Awesome Tops Ocho Cinco
• Barbarian Slaughters Eagles with 5 TD’s
• Beast Mode Rampages in New York
• Megatron Transforms Lions’ Offense
• Pacman Gobbles Up Interceptions
  

The No Fun League has “you know what” blocked Cinco’s (?) latest antic by saying he’s financially obligated to Reebok to the tune of $500K to buy all the old jerseys with C. Johnson on the back. Nice try No Fun League, but that is a horribly transparent and pathetic argument. Does Jared Allen have to buy all the old red 69 jerseys?

NFL spokesman Greg Aiello said, “(Cinco) has a financial obligation to Reebok, which produces the jerseys available to fans. That has to be resolved before the on-field jersey can be changed.”

(cough cough…”Bullshit!” cough cough)

“The same obligation exists for any player that changes his number or name,” Aiello said with his fingers crossed.

So, Roy Williams in Dallas was charged for changing his number? Farve isn’t buying all his old Green Bay jerseys, bet. Is the NFL going to bill Devin Hester for old “23″ jerseys when they make him change his number as per the rulebook?

Of course this all could be a smokescreen stall tactic for more production time of the Ocho Cinco jerseys in some factory in China because they are back-ordered already. Plus, if the jersey being worthless because of the name on the back is the issue, why not sew on an “Ocho Cinco” nameplate on the existing jerseys? Their argument has more holes than Raider defense.

Ocho Cinco should trademark the name Ocho Cinco and sue the NFL for $500k. When they finally allow him to go by his new name, then, buy all the old Johnson jerseys with that money, change them, and exchange them for fans who bought Johnson jerseys this year; and give the leftovers to the Salvation Army. I’m sure there are some kids in Cincy that will rock any Bengals jersey.

Reebok is in the midst of a 10-year, $250 million licensing agreement with the NFL which is what all this pushback from the NFL stems from. They can’t have Mr. Awesome and the rest of the nicknamed millionaires throwing their cash cow jersey system into upheaval. The NFL with Reebok need to wake up and realize they are sitting on a goldmine. They could have an entire line of signature “nickname jerseys” like the one pictured above. I’ll be expecting a bird-dog fee on them Reebok. By the way, since when are players responsible for bailing out apparel makers? Players get traded, retire and change numbers all the time. (See Michael Jordan #45.) Last time I checked, its risky to put any product in the marketplace.

Anyone with even just a few critical thinking skills can deduce from the “no celebrations” rule and now Ocho Cinco’s antics that the league does not want young black wide receivers and their antics to be the face of the league or the top story in the sports page on Monday. Is the NFL going to make up the rules as they go along and snub the laws of the United States?

NFL, this is karma for you. This is payback for the “no celebration” rule. If you take all the fun out of the circus the clowns are going to find a way to get your attention, even if you hate them.

A lot of people hate Chad Ocho Cinco, and other brash WR’s of their ilk. Mostly, those people fall into a few categories. They are either closet racists, or Mormons. The touchdown dance is as American as apple pie and the gamesmanship that goes on should be allowed for $100 bucks a ticket. T.O. went to the ground in a starting-block homage to Usain Bolt, and was promptly flagged. Apparently you can’t go to the ground in celebration anymore either.

This isn’t about Chad Cinco, or T.O. or Mr. Awesome, TD dances or jerseys. It’s about the Almighty NFL wanting to control its image, please its corporate bedmates, and keep its iron fist drew back; ready to strike. Does this keep the NFL from becoming the NBA or is it inevitable that the proverbial inmates will eventually run the asylum? (please don’t read too much into that reference) The fans should speak up and say if a player cannot change his name, then the league has to stop renaming our stadiums.

We are about to get the answer to the following questions. Has it come to this?

Has the NFL become so powerful that it trumps the law?

Why does Whitlock write the things he does? This writer thinks he has J-Dub’s formula figured out. It’s not as simple as him having the opposite-of-the-”popular” opinion, its that he writes articles contrary to the popular (implied or otherwise) “black community” opinion. As a black man, he has Carte Blanche to write about race issues in a way a white male sports writer cannot, yet he chooses to do the opposite of what is expected of him, making him controversial by default. Whitlock’s reign of terror has garnered him attention on Oprah, ESPN and Fox Sports because his reverse takes and “black attacks” makes him such an oddity. However, at most of these past gigs, like ESPN, his formula backfires.

As Americans begin to put the black-white issue behind us with a presidential candidate of color and wars with people of a lighter shade of brown in the middle east; Whitlock the race-baiter continues to spew his contrarian nonsense; turning the Klieg lights on and pointing them at issues that were non-existent until he decided to illuminate them to “get people talking”- like someone anointed him the Official Black Voice of Sports in America. “Get people talking” in KC usually amounts to message board flame wars about race, water-cooler talk of how bad of a writer he is, and barbs at his physical weight.

What if Jason Whitlock was white? A White Whitlock, from here on out, Whitelock, if you follow the formula, would write stories about how much he dislikes Barack Obama, 80s Night, and Grad School. All things White People like according to StuffWhitePeopleLike.com. (To clarify, his articles would be the opposite of typical things white people like these days…and if you get mad about Barack Obama, just substitute “Toyota Prius” or “Coffee“). He would write negative pieces on white water rafting, organic food and having black friends. (sub: country music, standing still at concerts or wine for any of those if you disagree.)

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So, with all that time between the sunrise and sunset, what better way to fill some of that time than to catch up on the events of the week here at ArrowheadAddict and the rest of the sports world. We are working on some big topics for the upcoming weeks, so be sure to keep checking back every day because we want your feedback and your support! Also, don’t forget about the forums!

• Javon Walker sprays bub in the club, – Claims 1/2 the plot of Pulp Fiction alibi
• Spray the crowd with champagne…$15,000. stumble out of bar , get beaten and robbed of $103,000 - Go play for crazy old Al…priceless.
• Who will be the next breakout player for the Chiefs? – Maybe Matt Jones?
• Welcome Black and Teal and Toro Times – new blogs to the Fan Sided Network
• Chiefs fans divided on Brodie Croyle – Fans rank Chiefs Wide Receivers
• Hey you on the right, in case you’re wondering, I would.
• The “Get-Used to This Story” link of the week- Favre Comeback Rumors Already?
  
• Britain’s take on Fav-rah with a JA mention in the comments?
• Celtics win 1st title in 22 years – Bigger news, Royals 1st sweep in StL., since EVER
• Eldrick- better than the world on a broken leg & knee – S.F. Reporter goes ape
• Who do you think will be the starting LE for the Chiefs?

As if the economy needed any more help sucking- here’s some reading to look busy at work and contribute to the summer economic slowdown. Keep the ALT+Tab at the ready with your Excel behind it.

• Rick Reilly – Is now writing for ESPN - takes swipe at Bill Simmons
• Led by former Donkey Steve Atwater – NFL players lose their A$$es
• Tony G – Embracing his new role on the Chiefs
• Lisa Lipps with Wilbon? ESPN Guys hanging With Porn Stars
• Human Building Collapses under own weight: Ravens Ogden calls it quits
• New Chief’s Center? Browns release LeCharles Bentley Hashmarks Piece
• How Bad Could it be for the Chiefs This Year? Walter Football Previews the Chiefs
• New NFL Trend – WR’s wanting more dough This one? Plaxico.
• We Miss Lima Time In KC : He’s getting an Eyeful in the Korean Minor Leagues
• CraneDamage’s – Recommended Site of the Week
• Revenge for The Landry Hat Smack – Real Crane Damage at Cowboys Stadium & The Landry Hat’s Take
• Bungles No trade-o Ocho Cinco - ESPN Says Time For 85 to Go Lito for Ocho?
• Who would the Chiefs want? Big Names and What Anonymous G.M.’s Think
• AA Highlights This week – Costner…Chiefs Fan- Landry Hat Owned -Again

The Donkeys cut Travis Henry.

“He’s just too inconsistent as a person. When you’re too inconsistent as a person, you usually aren’t going to win championships,” Mike Shanahan said.

Translation – “The guy can’t control his ding-dong and the coaches are afraid their wives and girlfriends could be the next victim of Henry’s baby arm blast. The players won’t shower with him, not out of fear for their own personal safety, but because there simply is not room for five legs in the shower. Oh yeah, and did I mention he has nine bastard kids? That too…”

The typical Denver fan, with the lack of oxygen to the brain…will argue “we can use any running back in our system…we’ve produced more 1,000 yd. backs than any NFL team.” I would argue that Tom Nalen and the guy who used to piss in his pants on ESPN made your backs; not the other way around. Do I feel the same about Priest Holmes and the Chiefs line? Kinda, but that view is skewed by my red glasses as well. I shudder to think what LJ would have (and could have) done had he been in Priest’s cleats back then.

“We have a lot of guys going in the right direction. We have a tailback coming back that averaged 5.2 yards a carry and some other guys that I have a lot of confidence,” Shanahan said.

Translation – “‘I’m worried. If I wasn’t, I could have named one guy.”

Fact is, they will be hurting…they will be platooning RB’s all year and I think this is a step backward for Denver. Selvin Young…Michael Pittman from the Bucs and flash in the pan Andre Davis? As Snoop said…”Bitch Please“. A rookie tackle in Clady…a few old guys? Dorsey might have his coming out party against these fools. What a fantasy football nightmare Denver is, btw.

For me, who has a best friend that is a Denver fan that loves to rub rings in my face and the like…this is just another bullet in the gun. I think Denver has taken a step back with their poor judgment and players ‘effing up beyond belief. One dead CB, lost a pro bowl receiver to a division rival, the #2 WR had a drunken boo-boo which he called “horsing around” that might well have ended his playing days.

It is safe to say that Denver has seen better days when the Raiders look like a bunch of nuns in comparison. That and Denver has people there that want to create an Extraterrestrial Affairs Commission to handle alien encounters.

Kids, this is what happens when you legalize pot at altitude. Be careful out there.

A lot of parallels can be drawn between the Broncos of the late 90′s with Terrel Davis, our Chiefs and Priest Holmes and the Seahawks with Shaun Alexander. The same thing will happen to Purple Jesus this year. Its kind of a chicken and egg argument, e.g. is it the line or the back? All three teams had stellar lines, and a running back that previously had been an unknown, a darkhorse, and a quiet leader. Mix and match them however you wish, you’ve probably heard them all associated with each of those backs before.

I think that’s a good place to stop…and I’ll pick that one up in my next post.

Krumrie is entering his 26th year in the NFL as a player and coach. Even at 47, he runs 3 miles a day, does a “toned-down” 800 sit-ups and 45 minutes of floor exercises…and that’s not counting beating down NFL prospects less than half his age to the point of exhaustion in practice. He’s a two-time Pro-Bowler and NFL Pro Day “closer”, the guy brought in to see what the players are really made of. A coach the Chiefs are lucky to have. Without a Krumrie sack of Don Majkowski in 1992, you may never have heard from a guy named Brett Farve. (Hat tip to The Capital Times Madison, WI)

Krumrie also is notorious for suffering one of the worst injuries in NFL history and it happened to be in SuperBowl XXIII against the 49ers. While tackling Roger Craig, Krumrie’s leg was hideously shattered in three places, he had to have a 15-inch steel rod put in his leg, but managed to return for training camp the next season. The video of him breaking the leg was so graphic YouTube took it down. There is a new series called “The Missing Rings” that NFL Films is producing that will re-hash the incident.

You might remember during USC’s pro day a short time ago, USC coach Pete Carroll got his panties in a bunch when the 47 year-old Krumrie worked over 22 year-old Sedrick Ellis and others. Carroll got angry when NFL coaches put Ellis, Lawrence Jackson and others through a “hand-fighting” drill with Krumrie. The players had to knock away Krumrie’s arms until they almost fell from exhaustion.

“I’m still light-headed,” Ellis said.

“The drill in question involved Krumrie heavily laying his hands on the shoulders of the defensive linemen. They are to slap his hands off. It went on for several minutes for each of the players. Ellis went first, then Jackson, then [Alex] Morrow. Ellis was the toughest of the bunch, with Jackson ultimately wearing down and lying exhausted on the ground. It was then that Carroll began fuming.

“That won’t happen again here,” Carroll said.
(with just a little bit of bitch in his voice -Damage)

So let me get this straight… paying your players is OK, but letting a 47 year-old guy with a 15-inch-steel-rod-in-his-leg-that makes-airport-travel-a-blast working your sissy players over is unacceptable? I have news for you Petey Pablo…those aren’t your players anymore!!! They are about to be someone’s property in the NFL and teams need the toughest old dog they can find to see where the breaking point is for some of these future multi-millionaires.

“I want to see if he quits. I want to see what’s in his gut when he’s fatigued. Does he stop? Does he turn and cuss at you? Or will he compete no matter what?” Krumrie said as he tore the L.A phone book in half.

So all hail Tim Krumrie! King of old-man strength! (OMS) He’s had the Pro-Bowls, the playoff wins, the 10+ year career, crazy coaching stories and the gnarly injury for the world to see. The only thing missing from his career is a ring, and I hope to God he gets it or he is going to kick all of our asses!

Over a month after ArrowheadAddict first published my story and take on the situation, Joe Phillips and his sister commented on this site with their side of the story, one that was suspiciously missing from Bryant Gumbel’s HBO piece, newspaper articles, and others. Phillips even recently created his own blog that details the entire story.

In a nutshell, Phillips’s former wife, Cindy Ream-Phillips (kinda funny/ironic her name was Ream, because Joe is getting reamed out pretty good) apparently carefully orchestrated a scenario in which she’d have the leverage over Joe in divorce proceedings. She hired private investigators to follow him around. Later, she’d take these reports from the private dicks, edit them, and send them back for them to sign according to Phillips. She liquidated his assets just over a month after the divorce, and then appeared on HBO to further damage Phillips who was not featured in the story because according to HBO and others he was a fugitive from justice in Oregon for DUI charges, and had deserted his family and went into hiding.

“Cindy’s parents worked as family law mediators in the courthouse of the county Cindy and I moved to. Yes, talk about a railroad job. Move to jurisdiction in which her parents work in the courthouse in a family law, when every ounce of financial or gain or status was beaten out of me after years of football, then construct a circumstance in which (I) was painted as something (I) was not-it took time, two years–then take the money,” Phillips said.

Joe’s side of the story rings true to me. If you go to his blog and read his statements, you’ll find that Cindy had dreams of being in front of the camera again, moved to New York City with the kids, and had a relationship with Sally Jesse Raphael of all people. Picture this, you’re an NFL player, one of the first United Way spokesmen (with the wife at his side…on tv) you pay for the following for her: “Beauty Salon, a personal trainer, full time nannies. plastic surgeons, a professional decorator and a cook”. Not to mention a home on the plaza in KC, law school tuition for her and three attempts at the bar exam (boy did that backfire). Once the football is over and the lights go down…the pads come off and the fans file out of the stadium; his wife didn’t want the fame to end. Well what better way than to move your husband into your parents legal den of wolves in Florida, manipulate the system and use his wallet to pay for building his own coffin, so to speak. Yikes.

Joe claims that once his wife told people he was trying to kill her, he filed for divorce for his own protection. Who could blame him. The funny thing is to me is that even once this entire ordeal was basically over and done with, then she manages to get this story on HBO on a segment about retired players dealing with pain. Sure, Joe had a few DUI’s but so did another former Chief. Why you might ask? Well, to get back on TV and be famous again, even for a short time and to vengefully damage Joe’s character even further to get his disability payments from the NFL. It always kills me how a former wife can be so vengeful and heartless…I mean does she go up to crippled people dancing too? Or someone in a wheelchair? “Hey ironsides…race ya!” Hat tip to Bill Hicks.

So, our friends at Deadspin chimed in on this too So, Windex! I believe I called this one. Sorry I had to get that in. We stick up for our Chiefs around here even if we bash them now and then, they aren’t forgotten.

Recently, Real Sports on HBO did a segment on NFL wives of former players dealing with mental and physical health issues. One of the player/wife features was crazy Joe Phillips; former Chiefs DL who played with Dan Saleaumua and helped the Chiefs make the playoffs 5 of the 6 years he was in Kansas City.

Now, much like Osama bin Laden, Phillips is a fugitive from justice and “no one” knows where this 6-5 300+ lb former NFL beast can be found. What is it with tall guys no one can find? Maybe we can call him JoeSama bin Phillips.

Apparently, the rush of the NFL, the pain suffered and the following crash into a boring regular-joe life was too much for Phillips and others to handle.

from Randy Covitz’s story on 7/25/2006 : “Phillips, 43, is a fugitive from justice in Oregon. He has been arrested twice on charges of driving under the influence during the past two years and once for an outstanding bench warrant for failure to comply with the terms of probation stemming from the first DUI in January 2005 in Clackamas County, Ore.

He was on the lam–or “on abscond”–from November 2005 until May 2006, when he was arrested in Portland, Ore. He was transferred from a jail in Portland to Clackamas County, but was set free because of jail overcrowding. Two days before his June 20 arraignment, police picked up Phillips on another DUI charge while driving a motorcycle in Lincoln City, Ore.

Phillips was released pending a hearing and was to appear in court June 30 in Clackamas County. He never showed. And he’s been missing ever since.”

Phillips is a guy who everyone thought had “it all figured out.” Armed with a law degree and a stockbroker’s license…he would workout mornings in the off-season and head to the law office in a suit for the rest of the day. His wife, also a lawyer, and he appeared in commercials for the United Way (one of the first in the NFL) and participated in philanthropic activities in Kansas City.

“A downward spiral…”

“Phillips played his last game with the Chiefs on Jan. 4, 1998, a bitter 14-10 loss to the Denver Broncos in an AFC playoff game at Arrowhead. Phillips was so distraught that he drove home in full pads and uniform.
He spent 1998 with the St. Louis Rams and 1999 with the Minnesota Vikings before calling it a career. And then, despite all the years of preparation, Phillips’ life plan began to change.”

His wife, Cynthia, claims he “relapsed” into drugs and alcohol, but according the the article, no Chiefs ever saw him take a drink or drug. Also, allegations surfaced of domestic abuse between the two.

But wait a second, HBO portrayed Phillips as a guy who “snapped”, slammed some drink, beat his (ex)wife’s ass and split for no reason. Something I dug up online paints a slightly different picture.

(more…) ]]> http://arrowheadaddict.com/2008/04/02/crazy-joe-phillips-former-chief-on-the-lam/feed/ 0 http://arrowheadaddict.com/2008/03/25/crane-damage-iron-eyes/ http://arrowheadaddict.com/2008/03/25/crane-damage-iron-eyes/#comments Tue, 25 Mar 2008 15:45:09 +0000 ericcrane http://arrowheadaddict.com/2008/03/25/crane-damage-iron-eyes/ The Chiefs Cheaps are letting us down time and time again. We need a change that speaks to the displeasure of 80% of Cheaps fans. We need something dramatic, that tugs at the heartstrings of children and adults alike…and strikes a chord so loud that it is heard from Springfield to Denver…from Wisconsin to North [...]

Crane Damage: Iron Eyes - Arrowhead Addict - Arrowhead Addict - A Kansas City Chiefs Fan Site - News, Blogs, Opinion and more

The Chiefs Cheaps are letting us down time and time again. We need a change that speaks to the displeasure of 80% of Cheaps fans. We need something dramatic, that tugs at the heartstrings of children and adults alike…and strikes a chord so loud that it is heard from Springfield to Denver…from Wisconsin to North Texas and beyond.

I thought to myself .oO (What can we do as a show of frustrated solidarity to tell the Cheaps that they are breaking our collective spirit???)

We need to change our mascot from the moronic KC Wolf, which has nothing to do with the “Chiefs,” to Iron Eyes Cody…

…the crying Indian from the Keep America Beautiful public service announcement in the early 1970s. It was an ecology commercial where an Indian (Cody) sheds a tear after some trash is thrown from a car and lands by his feet. The announcer states “People start pollution; people can stop it.” Maybe it could be…”Fans made the Chiefs; fans can change the Chiefs.”

Cody was actually an Italian-American…but adopted several Native American children and denounced his Italian heritage. So, much like the Cheaps, Iron Eyes was a “fake-ass” Indian…like the Cheaps are a “fake-ass” football team. What could be more appropriate?

For old time’s sake…here is the YouTube video of the original commercial. We feel ya Iron Eyes…we feel ya. *sniffle*

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From Herm Edwards‘ press conference when he was hired with the Chiefs…he promised he wouldn’t change the offense.

• 2004 – Jared Allen
• 2003 – Larry Johnson and Dustin Colquitt

5 drafts…4 players still on the team. Completely unacceptable.