Meet Kacie McDonnell, an anchorwoman/traffic reporter for a FOX affiliate in Philadelphia. She is very pretty.
Not only is Ms. McDonnell an attractive person but apparently she smells very nice, too.
— Kacie McDonnell (@KacieFOX29) May 21, 2014
Why am I introducing you to Ms. McDonnell? Because she is dating this guy:
Yep, that would be fifth round draft pick and recently signed quarterback Aaron Murray. It’s good to be a quarterback, no? Anyway, he’s dating Ms. McDonnell and that means we are about to receive a lot of critical information about the Chiefs’ quarterback of the future. How better to understand what hands the future of the Chiefs’ franchise is in than to follow his life via his girlfriend’s Twitter account? This is incredibly valuable information that must not go to waist.
For instance, forget arm strength, how’s Murray’s bowling game?
A 37?! Oof, that’s not good. I’m concerned about his competitive spirit and his accuracy. It is a plus that he did not use bumpers. What else do we have?
Questionable head gear. Does this mean Murray is susceptible to concussions to such a degree that he must wear a fireman’s helmet whilst on Skype? I thought his knee was a concern but now I understand that Murray has a serious issue with head trauma. We’ve had it wrong this whole time. What was Dorsey thinking drafting someone so prone to head injuries?
Okay, I’m starting to get concerned about the Chiefs’ future here. Help me out, Ms. McDonnell!
HOLY DEITY, AARON MURRAY CLIMBED A MOUNTAIN WITH A PERSON ON HIS BACK! The Chiefs are winning the Super Bowl now, no question! Thanks, Ms. McDonnell. We’ll check back in later to see how the boyfriend is doing later in the summer. Hopefully he can get over that head trauma thing soon.