I wanted to take a break from the action of analyzing potential draft picks and free agents to discuss an important question that is probably lurking in the deep recesses of your mind: what the heck do we do once the Super Bowl ends?
Just a few short weeks ago, we were all in agreement that the end to the 2012 season couldn’t come soon enough. But like many of you, when that final clock hit zero, my thoughts immediately went into worry-mode: how are we to face eight months of nothingness? But then a minor miracle happened. Clark Hunt fired everybody, which had two important outcomes. First, it was a smart personnel move that may result in the fielding of a competitive team in 2013. Second, and not to be understated, it provided us Addicts with something exciting to talk about until training camp starts up again.
As January ends, I thought it might be helpful to lay out a road map of helpful suggestions and key dates until the 2013 preseason starts. We need to start thinking and planning now, so that when the Super Bowl ends, we are prepared. To do otherwise would simply be reckless. God help us all.
January was bittersweet. On the one hand, there’s still football. On the other hand, it just plain sucks to watch other teams play football (It’s funny – we all love football so much, but our passion is so inextricably tied to one team). I cannot stress how important it was to have these coaching/general manager openings, for our sanity alone. Thank you, Clark, for helping us get through January.
The Super Bowl is this Sunday, or as we know it, the last chance to get drunk when the sun’s still out. Take advantage of it. I don’t even really have a team. The Super Bowl is more like Mardi Gras – a final fling of football hedonism before the dog days of the offseason. If you do the Super Bowl just right, it’ll take you two weeks to recover, which will get you to the NFL Combine, from February 20-26. This is an ESPN and NFL Network godsend, where we can watch players we never heard of engage in things we used to do in kindergarten, like run around cones, jump really high and throw footballs at things.
March is the cruelest month, and not just because of the weather. The only things going are the NBA (c’mon guys, at least pretend that you’re trying to play defense) and the NHL (I don’t even understand hockey). There’s college hoops of course, but that means learning a whole bunch of new names, teams and mascots. March is just gonna be difficult. Some of us may not make it. Just being honest here.
April is our oasis in the desert. The draft is April 25-27, and since we have the top pick, the first 24 days of April will almost seem like it’s actually football season! We’ll be researching our favorite picks, arguing vociferously and imagining our Chiefs’ run to the Super Bowl with Mr. Right. April will be good, I promise you.
May, June and July will feel like one, long addict’s withdrawal period – hence, “Muly.” The draft is over. Preseason is upwards of ninety days away. There’s no Olympics. We will all cope with this situation differently. Some of us will start hobbies, reconnect with family and be incredibly productive at work. Others of us rock ourselves to sleep, muttering “Brady Quinn” under our breath. These two types will be the lucky ones. The unfortunate ones among us will become “Lost Souls” – those who are neither successful nor vegetative, and are forced to wander the streets like the living dead (see “Raider fan”). If you become a Lost Soul and you are a season ticket holder, please remember to leave your tickets for a loved one.
Pre-season begins. Those of us who survived will just be that much stronger. Phew.
Addicts, if you have any helpful suggestions for how to get through the offseason, please record them here. In the meantime, savor this last Sunday of football, and we’ll continue to poke into every last detail of every last draft pick and free agent in the coming months. We’ll all need as much help as we can get. Go Chiefs!