Well, Chiefs fans, today is Valentine’s Day, and that means only one thing: margaritas.
However, while it might be our tradition to spend every Valentine’s Night at a Mexican restaurant (the tacky-red-paper-hearts-per-person quotient is much lower), I realize everyone approaches this fake holiday in his or her own special way. Even back in third grade—which, frankly, is where the celebration of this day should begin and end—when societal norms and, more specifically, Mrs. Brockmeyer demanded that we give paper valentines to everyone in class, we had to decide which valentines best represented us, as well as which of our secret crushes would receive the more risqué—and risky—messages.*
*Was “You rock, Valentine!” coming on way too strong?
Just as a set of perforated Transformers valentines (“Let’s roll, Valentine! You’re a Mega Friend!”) perfectly represented who I was back in 1984, today’s Kansas City Chiefs fans need valentines that speak to us, that capture the angst and occasional joy of this tumultuous relationship in which we’ve entangled ourselves. And among all the boxes of Harry Potter, Shrek, and Smurfs valentines at the local CVS, I couldn’t find any. So—you can guess what’s coming next—I had no choice but to make a few of my own.
Feel free to print, perforate, and share as you wish. Perhaps—just like the Indianapolis Colts on draft day—you’ll get lucky.