Arrowhead Addict Presents: Real Men of Genius
Yesterday I busted out an old column I do once or twice every offseason so while I am in the midst of reviving old tricks, I decided to bust out the very popular Real Men of Genius post.
If you’ve never heard the Bud Light Real Men of Genius commercials then go move to Oakland, commit a felony and become a Raiders fan. Or click here.
Anyway, every so often I re-write a few of the commercials to fit the Chiefs or the AFC West. Well, I’ve done it again. The only rules for this post are to imagine the narrator and music from the Bud Light commercials in your head (click the link if you need a refresher) and to enjoy yourself. Also, a longstanding tradition of this post is for the readers to write their own commercial in the comments. So have at it!
Arrowhead Addict Presents: Real Men of Genius
(real men of genius)
Today we salute you, Mr. Nut-Cracking DE Shaun Smith.
(Mr. Nut-Cracking DE Shaun Smith)
Any football player can throw a block, but it takes real man to get his hands on the ball!
(reach out and touch someone)
Deep in the trenches is where you earn your paycheck.
And if you can’t get it done in the trenches, then you get it done deep in your opponent’s crotch.
Sure, other players get by on talent, strength and by cracking skulls,
But not you. No. You get by the old fashioned way. By cracking nuts.
So crack open an ice-cold Bud Light, Oh Buster of Balls.
Because whether you get to the QB or not,
You’re getting a sack!
(Mr. Nut-Cracking DE Shaun Smiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiith)
Arrowhead Addict Presents: Real Men of Genius
(real men of genius)
Today we salute you Mr. Get In The Game, Throw A Pick, Get Hurt, Get Out Of The Game, Backup QB Brodie Croyle!
(Mr. Get In The Game, Throw A Pick, Get Hurt, Get Out Of The Game, Backup QB Brodie Croyle!)
Any backup QB can come in and take care of the football, but it takes a special kind of sucktitude to come in, throw a pick, ruin your team’s chances of winning and get hurt all on the same play.
(they call me Mr. Glaaaaaas)
Deep in the bowels of Arrowhead Stadium, a team of 5th graders keep mending your broken bones.
Only they’re doing it with Popsicle sticks.
Sure, other backup QB’s can complete a pass to their own teammates some of the time,
But YOU can complete a pass to the guys on the other team EVERY time.
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light oh Inspector of the I-N-T,
Because even though you’ll be out of the NFL by 2012,
It’s a miracle you lasted this long in the first place.
And your wife is hot.
(Mr. Get In The Game, Throw A Pick, Get Hurt, Get Out Of The Game, Backup QB Brodie Croooooooyle!)
Arrowhead Addict Presents: Real Men of Genius
(real men of genius)
Today we salute you Mr. Mafia Don GM Scott Pioli
(Mr. Mafia Don GM Scott Pioli)
Most GM’s do their do their business with a telephone and a fountain pen,
But you get results faster with a baseball bat and a gang of thugs.
(never go against the family)
Behind the locked doors at Arrowhead Stadium, you’re signing free agents and organizing your draft board.
While Larry Johonson is at the bottom of the Missouri River for “running his mouth.”
Sure, other GM’s might get their business done by following the rules,
But what good is being the Chiefs’ GM if you can’t wake Norv Turner with a decapitated horse’s head?
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light oh Samurai of Secrets,
Cause when you utter those famous words “Say hello to my little friend,”
You aren’t talking about Dexter McCluster.
(Mr. Mafia Don GM Scott Pioliiiiiiiiii)