NFL owners, Commissioner Roger Goodell and a few of their lawyers are all getting together in Chicago today to hold the creepiest slumber party in the history of slumber parties.
Actually they are meeting to discuss the current labor negotiations with the players but everyone was told to pack a bag as the meetings are expected to last a couple of days. While the official start of the meeting is today, there are reports that some of the owners met as early as last night.
The general consensus seems to be that the owners will be trying to get on the same page so that they can hammer out a deal with the players in the next couple of weeks. There have been some reports that a few of the owners are not happy with the current course of labor negotiations and that they believe the negotiating team, that includes Chiefs’ owner Clark Hunt, are giving up too much ground. The hope seems to be that the negotiation team can get the rest of the owners behind a plan so that the next time they meet, they be voting on a new agreement.
The time has definitely come for the owners to bend a little. Too much money is at stake for them to continue to try to strong-arm the players into a deal. Both sides seem to be willing to get something done if the recent positive reports out of the negotiations are any indication. That means this meeting is a chance for the owners at the table to get the rest of their colleagues on board.
While I am happy the owners are meeting in an effort to move things forward, I can’t help but be creeped out by the idea of an NFL owner slumber party. I was even more disturbed when NFL PR sent me the meeting minutes as of early this morning.
NFL Owners Slumber Party Minutes
June 21, 2011
What: Slumber Party/Labor Discussions
Where: Scottie Pippen’s Basement
When: Late June 20th-??????
Monday, June 21:
8 PM: Arrivals at Scottie’s house
8:30 PM: Pizza Bites and Kool Aid
9:15 PM: Madden Tournament sponsored by Sprint*
*Buy in 100K. Also, this deal is not covered under the previous CBA so we don’t have to give the players shit. WINNING!
9:20 PM: Dan Snyder Buys Tournament Championship*
*First time this has ever worked.
9:30 PM: Movie: Hannah Montana
11:30 PM: Shoots and Ladders*
*Mike Brown get’s only shoots. Remains at bottom until the end of the game
12:30 AM: Dance Dance Revolution
12:32 AM: Jerry Richardson breaks hip
12:33 AM: Richardson insists on being air lifted in private helicopter to hospital
1:00 AM: Caviar-stuffed Pizza Bites
1:30 AM: Clark Hunt suggests the group talk about labor mess
1:31 AM: Jerry Jones calls Clark Hunt a “dweeb” and moves the group fly to Cowboys Stadium to watch Titanic on his big screen
1:32 AM: Motion fails
1:33 AM: Robert Kraft moves the group listen to the new Justin Beiber album
1:34 AM: Motion passes
2:00 AM: Scottie Pippens mom comes down stairs and shuts things down. Tells everyone to keep it down and go to sleep
2:30 AM: Owners get in sleeping bags. Hunt, Jones and Snyder lay looking at the ceiling. They spend the next hour talking about life, ghosts, space and money
3:00 AM: They all drift off to sleep
3:01 AM: Al Davis attempts to suck NFL general counsel Jeff Pash’s soul out of his mouth while he sleeps
3:02 AM: Nothing happens. Davis rips out Pash’s heart instead. Feeds on it.
3:02 AM: Davis turns into a bat, flies our window
6:00 AM:Davis returns to the basement with blood on his mouth, climbs into a coffin and goes to sleep
6:01 AM: Scottie Pippen’s mom wakes everyone up. Announces breakfast
6:15 AM: Scottie’s mom tells group the eggs are getting cold
6:30 AM: Breakfast
7:15 AM: Goodell finds Pash’s body, tells group the lawyers is dead
7:17 AM: Owners agree on frame-work for a labor deal