If There Were No K.C. Chiefs Or NFL

K.C. Chiefs NFL Kansas City Chiefs

We’re all standing on the sidewalk, looking through the window of a big beautiful house, talking about how each of us would rearrange the furniture inside… with our own unique touch. All the while… the house is burning down! That’s how it feels to be writing about the Chiefs and the NFL right now.

The league is crumbling in front of us and we’re talking shop. Hmmm.

That got me thinking … what if there were no Chiefs, no NFL and no new CBA? What would the lives of the people directly involved in this conflict be like without their golden goose? More specifically, what would they be doing to make a living?

Here’s one version of that alternate reality.

Clark Hunt

In his off hours as a  grocery bagger Clark experiments with his own product development.  He’s heard that if you blend up a bunch of tomatoes you can make your own condiment. It’ll go great with the egg that’s already on his face for not properly paying his football operations employees.

The average grocery bagger makes $20,659/year ($9.95/hour)- May 2011.




Peyton Manning

Peyton will be spending the remainder of his life working with an international organization teaching them the universal sign language for peace. On his one week of vacation each year he’s off to Sub-Saharan Africa to help the natives build huts. Manning knows huts.

Peace Corps Volunteers can receive a readjustment allowance of $225/month




Roger Goodell

Roger is a hoser from way back. I’m just not sure he’d be that good at putting fires out. Probably be better at starting them. He’s been identified as a bystander at the scene of several fires and he just stares and smiles.


Firefighting supervisors and managers earn an average wage of $34/ hour




Jerry Jones

Give Jerry some huge funky glasses, fancy suspenders and his own sitcom and he’d make a convincing village idiot. In the absence of the glasses and suspenders… it’s working out just fine for him. He’s a natural.

Median hourly earnings of actors were $11.61 (May 2006)




Rudy Niswanger

Rudy would make a great McDonald’s Slushy Taste Tester. Then, when he sucks on the job, it will be a good thing.

“My friend (who) works at McDonalds makes about $8.55 an hour.” ~WikiAnswers



Rex Ryan

Got to be reflexology!

Flex With Sexy Rexy


$45-$65 per hour. 5-8 appts/day.




DeMaurice Smith

Smith could transition easily into a Viagra Salesman. He’s had a lot of experience trying to make things that are smaller… BIGGER. However, I don’t know how successful he’ll be because it hasn’t worked out that well for him so far. Although, I really do admire him for what he can get his lips to do with a microphone.

National average salary for a pharmaceutical rep: $50,000 to $135,000.


Chris Berman

Chrissy-wissy-boom-boom-Berman-ater could start a full time business making up crazy names for crap. If that doesn’t pay the bills he could try out for the part of Don Corleone’s great, great, great, great, great grandson in The Godfather 13.

The average salary of an advertising manager: $65,000-$95,000



Tom Brady

Tom should be a stay-at-home dad. It’s a tough job but, you know somebodies gotta do it. Hey Tom, if you ever need a Temp….

…Baby you can drive my car.

The pay to stay home with Gisele Bundchen? Let me think….


Greg Aiello

Aiello has been the NFL’s Spokesperson and if there was no NFL I’m sure he’d continue to… speak. I hear there’s a great little  war going on in the N-B-A. Maybe they’ll hire him to speak.


I hope the Russians love their children too.

That was random. Tell me why I said that.


People who do the speaking for other people get to tell those people how much they want to be paid and those people have to pay it.

It’s the law of supply and supply.

The owners keep on supplying and supplying and supplying.

The speakers are the ones who are W-I-N-N-I-N-G throughout this mess.


Dim Wit-lisberger

Without the NFL, I don’t know what he could be

but, I do know what he would be.

Best mug shot yet–>



Not sure prisoners get paid.

Bill Bidwell

Bill would be traveling the countryside with a group of comedic gypsies doing riverside impersonations of James Lipton.

Jim Irsay

Jim would be traveling the countryside

with a group of musical gypsies doing

riverside concerts for crickets.

Gypsies work for dinner.


Rich Eisen

Eisen would be an Olympian, all the way. Besides, he’s always running his mouth.

Never takes a break. That kind of dedication has to get you somewhere. Right?

Olympians can make some big money if they’re good. To bad for Eisen.

The National unemployment rate is currently 8.9% (March 2011).

Our current population: 311,535,898. 8.9% of that: 27,726,699 (6-11-11).


Now, back to that other reality.


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