NFL/Players Super Secret Meetings Continued Tuesday

Multiple sources reported yesterday that the NFL and the players continued their secret meetings Tuesday.

You may remember that last week, the owners and players met in the owners’ secret skill/volcano lair. They then met again later in Scotty Pippen’s basement, where they played the original NBA Jam on Pippen’s old Sega Genesis. Commissioner Roger Goodell reportedly delivered a devastating helicopter dunk on Kansas City Chiefs G Brian Waters. The Comish then proceeded to make a “you can’t see me” while Waters endured considerable heckling from the other players in attendance.

Anyway, after some Sega and pizza, the sides talked about the labor situation. The interesting thing to come out of last week’s events were that the lawyers for each side were asked not to attend. As we told you last week, they instead spent their afternoon at the local hospital sucking the souls out of newborn babies. I’ve also heard reports that after leaving the hospital, the lawyers proceeded to stop by the local animal rescue to kick some kittens. The abuse continued until NFL council Jeffery Pash bit the head off puppy and the group was asked to leave.

On Friday, the lawyers took center stage where they argued for and against the lifting of the lockout for the 8th Circuit Court of Appeals. As things wrapped up, the court told both sides that they may not like the ruling the would hand down and urged the NFL and players to reach a deal on their own.

The news of Tuesday’s talks seems to indicate that the NFL and the players got the message. Though I think they will still likely hold out making any moves until they find out what the court rules, they will hopefully have most of the details of a deal worked out before then. That way, if the ruling really is a bum deal for both sides, they can ignore it and move on.

If we’ve learned anything from all this, it is that these lawyers are some sick bastards.

Oh, and they everyone is better off when they aren’t in the room.