Something Wicked This Way Comes

Chiefs, Chiefs, toil and trouble.

Vrabel’s beers begin to bubble.

Weis has gone the way of Gailey.

Frightened you turn to AA daily.

Lockout news must have you shaken.

Pioli’s motives has Big Matt bakin.

Randy in a head-on-collision,

Has lead me to this grim decision.

Dark omens close from every side,

So let us go surf the blood-red tide,

And face the dark, case we be next

Lest Fortune’s fury leave us vext

If you have been reading Arrowhead Addict long enough then you know that we moonlight as a poetry blog. We’ve been featured on NFL.com and Sports Illustrated.com but we’ve also worked hard to show our nerdy side by being featured on National Public Radio.

We’re full of crap almost as much as we’re full of facts and hopefully that combination works for you enough to keep you coming back to get the news, analysis, commentary and whatever other demented thoughts happen to wander into one of our heads and escape through our fingers and onto the front page.

If my intro to this column seemed a little ominous it is because that is how I have been feeling lately when I think about Chiefs football. After a few years with the Chiefs at the bottom of the NFL totem poll, I think I got a little bit comfortable down there. You have nothing to fear when you are at the bottom and have nowhere to fall. It also makes it easy to dream so big that no desire seems too outlandish.

Now that the Chiefs have taken the express elevator back to the top of the AFC West, I am suddenly finding myself to be afraid of heights. It is a steep drop from up here and even though I know I should have more confidence, I am constantly looking around for the blow that will launch me from my perch into a terrifying free fall that will leave me looking at the ass end of the Oakland Raiders.

(Shudder)

There is so much that could go wrong for the Chiefs. I thought maybe I could help the team avoid it by putting it all out there into the Chiefmosphere. I want nothing more than for the Chiefs to improve this offseason and repeat as the AFC West Champions. If that happens, Chiefs Nation will no longer be content with just a playoff appearance. We’ll want playoff wins and within a year or two, a Super Bowl Championship.

But there are traps and pitfalls along the way my friends. Thus here is a terrifying list of my biggest fears in regards to the 2011 Kansas City Chiefs.

1. The lockout doesn’t get settled and the NFL season is missed. Everything the Chiefs have worked for comes unraveled and the momentum vanishes.

2. Jamaal Charles gets injured in the first game of the season and Haley starts handing the ball to Thomas Jones 57 times a game. He improves upon Herm’s “run, run, pass, punt” playbook with his very own “run, run, run, pass, turnover on downs approach.”

3. The Chiefs ignore the NT position again and Sweet Ron goes down to injury in the first game of the season. The Anthony Toribio era begins in Kansas City.

4. Corey Mays.

5. The Chiefs re-sign Eddie Drummond to return kicks and keep Dexter McCluster “fresh for the playoffs.”

6. Eric Berry blows out his knee.  The Chiefs are forced to play Jon McGraw at strong safety.

7. The Chiefs get absolutely spanked and overwhelmed by their 2011 schedule.

8. Tim Tebow makes the Pro Bowl for the Broncos. Elway is voted Executive of the Year.

9. Casey Weigmann retires, the Chiefs don’t address their needs at center and Rudy Niswanger breaks the record for balls snapped over the QB’s head with 23.

10. Josh Looney writes a pre-draft article about his prediction for KC’s first round selection and Scott Pioli has him whacked for “getting too close to the truth.”

11. Norv Turner and his turkey neck get accidentally end up on someone’s dining room table for Thanksgiving and the Chargers hire a component coach. San Diego goes undefeated and wins the Super Bowl.

12. Jersey Shore.

13. The Chiefs fight through an extremely difficult schedule, on their way to a 9-7 record. The sneak into the playoffs as a Wild Card team. Now a battle tested group, the team rides Jamaal Charles and a stifling defense to a Super Bowl title.

How would Chiefs Nation react? Our standards are so high but for so long our expectations have been so low.

Will we change? Will we lose the passion and the desire? How will Jason Whitlock find something negative to write about the Chiefs if they win it all?

The bottom was so safe.

Will we be scared of heights?

Face your fears: