A “Feel Better” Top Ten List

So it has been a pretty brutal week to be a Kansas City Chiefs fan. We got a total beat down from a hated division rival, our coach made the national news for all the wrong reasons, and the fans have begun to grumble at each other over who is to blame.

So what can I write to make you feel better? I’ve already written a piece about how far we’ve come since GM Scott Pioli took over. I’ve already fired up the engine on the Matt Cassel Bandwagon and gone out for a spin. I thought about doing a piece on why I think we’ll beat the Arizona Cardinals this week, but we’ll get enough matchup talk as the week goes on.

So what have I come up with?

How about a Top 10 list of teams that Chiefs fans can be happy that we don’t follow? That’s right, I’m stooping to the level of taking pleasure in the suffering of others. Is it petty? Yes. Am I proud of it? No. Did preparing this piece make me feel a lot better about the team I follow? It sure did.

So here we go.

10. San Francisco 49ers First up, we head to the bay area to check in with the 3-6 49ers. This team is the opposite of KC. They were picked to win the division but fell flat on their face to start the season. They have scored 52 points less then KC this season. They are winless on the road. They are the only team to lose to Carolina. Mike Singletary’s act seems to be wearing thin with the team. Finally, our very own Chiefs already put a thumping on them this season. I think we can safely say that it is better to be a Chiefs fan right now then a 49ers fan. Sorry Mike, not sure what else to tell you.

ATLANTA - OCTOBER 03: Head coach Mike Singletary of the San Francisco 49ers against the Atlanta Falcons at Georgia Dome on October 3, 2010 in Atlanta, Georgia. (Photo by Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images)

9. Arizona Cardinals
Next up we have the team that is headed to Arrowhead this week. The Cardinals are 3-6 which isn’t terrible compared to a few other teams on this list, but when you look at some of their numbers, its not pretty. They have allowed a league worst 261 points this season and their 401.8 yards allowed per game is second to last. On offense their QB situation will make even a true Matt Cassel critic feel happy about our QB situation. Their QBs have combined for a 52.8% completion percentage, 6.1 yards per attempt, and 7 TDs to 13 interceptions. Leading the league in points allowed and getting no QB play is not a good combination. Rack up a win for the Chiefs, both in this weekend’s game and in the “better to be a fan of” contest.

8. Washington Redskins
The Redskins have the best record of the teams on this list at 4-5. However, their situation is far from great. They just got blown out 59-28 on Monday Night Football on the same day that they signed their 34 year old QB that they don’t trust to run the two minute drill due to “cardiovascular endurance issues” to a 5 year 78 million dollar contract. The rest of their offense is up there in age as well. Santana Moss is 31 and even though he’s not “old”, I think its safe to say that Clinton Portis is washed up. Oh and there is also the fact that Daniel Snyder is their owner and they paid 100 million dollars for a defensive lineman that doesn’t appear to want to play for them. Case closed.

7. Carolina Panthers
The Panthers probably could of been higher on my list with their 1-8 record, but I have always kind of liked the Panthers so I’ll show a little mercy here. They have a lame duck coach in John Fox. They have only scored 9 TDs all season long. They have been outscored by 111 points in 9 games. Their QB ratings are even worse then Arizona’s (52.8%, 5.4 yards/attempt, 6 TDs, 14 Ints). It’s better to be a Chiefs fan this year.

6. Cincinnati Bengals
Much like the San Francisco 49ers, the Bengals had high hopes coming into this season after being a playoff team last year. Now they sit at 2-7. For those of you keeping score at home that means they have just as many wins as their players have reality TV shows. To top it off they have a roster full of “gems” like Terrell Owens, Chad Ochocinco, and Pacman Jones. They actually have a half dozen other players with “behavior issues” but lets not beat a dead horse. The Bengals appear to be reverting back to the Bungles of old this season. Weird huh? Who would of thought that putting these two together was a bad idea?

Cincinnati Bengals wide receivers Terrell Owens (L) and Chad Ochocinco go through warm-up drills prior to their AFC-NFC Hall of Fame Game against the Dallas Cowboys in Canton, Ohio August 8, 2010. REUTERS/Aaron Josefczyk (UNITED STATES - Tags: SPORT FOOTBALL)

5. Minnesota Vikings
I don’t even want to type all their soap opera drama out so here’s the quick version. Brett Favre is a drama queen who’s arm is about to fall off. Brad Childress is about to get lynched. They traded a 3rd and 7th round draft pick for a WR that yelled at the food guy and got cut. Jared Allen cut his mullet and lost his mojo. They’re 3-6 and it looks like its time to blow the whole thing up and start over. Next.

4. Dallas Cowboys
Jerry’s World is hosting the Super Bowl this year and his team was suppose to be there to play in the game. Instead, they’re 2-7, Tony Romo is hurt, and the team decided they just didn’t feel like trying until Jerry Jones fired his first puppet head coach and replaced him with puppet head coach #2. The team has enough talent to draw a big time coach, but most won’t want the hassel of dealing with Jones. Plus, I just REALLY don’t like the Cowboys.

3. Buffalo Bills
This is another team I feel sorry for. Yes they are 1-8, which is bad enough, but where we have Clark Hunt, Scott Pioli, and Todd Haley to lead our turnaround they have Ralph Wilson, Buddy Nix, and Chan Gailey. Don’t get me wrong, I like Chan and wish him well, but check out this link and tell me you don’t feel for Bills fans. No need to kick somebody while they’re down. Let’s move on.

2. Detroit Lions
If this list had a lifetime achievement award for being hard on their fans the Lions would win it in a heartbeat. Their last winning season was a decade ago. They haven’t won their division in 17 years. They are the only team in history to go 0-16 and just when things were looking up, their number one overall QB Matthew Stafford is looking like injuries may keep him from being the one to lead them out of their misery. While KC is enjoying this:

Sep 20, 2009; Kansas City, MO, USA; Kansas City Chiefs fans react during the Chiefs

And this:

Sep 20, 2009; Kansas City, MO, USA; Kansas City Chiefs fans gesture for a first down during the game against the Oakland Raiders at Arrowhead Stadium. Photo via Newscom

They are left with this:

DETROIT - NOVEMBER 23: Fans of the Detroit Lions react in the final moments of the NFL game against the Tampa Bay Buccaneers at Ford Field on November 23, 2008 in Detroit, Michigan. The Buccaneers defeated the Lions 38-20.(Photo by Christian Petersen/Getty Images)

Poor, poor Lions fans.

And now the moment you’ve all been waiting for (maybe)…..

1. All the other AFC West Teams
You didn’t see that coming did you?

“But Lyle, the Broncos just thumped us, the Raiders have the upper hand in the division, San Diego has the most talented roster in the division, none of these teams should even be on the list, let alone number one!”

I don’t care.

They are our hated division rivals and more then anything else I’m glad that I’m not a Bronco, Raider, or Charger fan. I tell my kids that we don’t “hate” people. I just haven’t told them yet that there is an exception for the rivals of our beloved Chiefs. We are supposed to hate them. They should (and do) feel the same way about us. Josh McDaniels, Phillip Rivers, Black Hole Freaks, AJ Smith, John Elway, Al Davis, Norv Turner, I would rather cheer for Detroit then get behind any of them.

Hey Charger fans raise your hand if you think it would be better to be a Chief!

SEATTLE - SEPTEMBER 26: Head coach Norv Turner of the San Diego Chargers holds his head during the game against the Seattle Seahawks at Qwest Field on September 26, 2010 in Seattle, Washington. The Seahawks defeated the Chargers 27-20. (Photo by Otto Greule Jr/Getty Images)

Sorry Norv.

So there you have it AA. Your Top Ten list of teams to make you feel better about being a Chiefs fan this week. Now I know deep down we don’t need this list. All you have to do is stand in the Sea of Red on game day and shout “CHIEFS!!!” at the top of your lungs at the end of the National Anthem to know that being a Kansas City Chiefs fan is as good as it gets. I just thought on a pretty “heavy” week you might need something to boost your spirits.

Thanks for reading and GO CHIEFS!

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