Chiefs Preseason Roster Battles

With tonight’s preseason game looming, I wanted to take a look at a couple of position battles that could be decided by these exhibition games.

Tyson Jackson vs. The Tin Man

The Tin Man listens to instructions from Romeo Crennel.

Jackson is obviously the favorite here as he was a first round draft pick.

The Tin Man is an undrafted rookie out of OZ State. But don’t count this youngster out. Hailing from over the rainbow, The Tin Man is hoping to make an impact against the Falcons.

Coach Haley talked a little bit about The Tin Man in a recent press conference.

“Whell. You know, I think The Tin Man has been doing everything we’ve asked of him. I’d say he and Tyson are both working very hard. They’re both very different players. I am concerned that The Tin Man doesn’t play with enough heart but he does have an axe and that gives him an obvious advantage over Tyson. Again, we’re gonna play the players that give us the best chance to win.”

Haley also noted that his is impressed by The Tin Man’s durability.

“I mean, he is one tough SOB. Yesterday, Thomas Jones ran him over and literally pulled his arm all the way off. That injury would have kept most guys out forever but the training staff put him back together and he was back out there.”

Tyson Jackson is not impressed with his competition.

“I mean, he can’t even play in the rain,” said Jackson. “If he even gets a guy’s sweat in his joints he locks all up and the trainers have to oil him all up. It’s ridiculous.”

The Tin Man is currently ahead of Jackson on the unofficial depth chart.

Corey Mays vs. A Can of Spam

Can of Spam stretches out before another training camp practice.

Corey Mays shocked everyone last season by winning the starting linebacker job in training camp. He surprised no one with his terrible play.

This season he is fighting for his roster spot because GM Scott Pioli went to Costco and signed A Can of Spam off the waiver wire.

“When you’re building a football team you always have to be out there looking to upgrade the roster,” said the second year GM. “Todd and I were out picking up a case of beer on the eve of training camp and we saw A Can of Spam that had fallen off the shelf trip up a stock boy doing a price check on a loaf of bread.”
“A Can of Spam impressed us,” added Haley. “That kid dropped the loaf of bread. I told Scott that A Can of Spam now has one more career forced fumble than Corey Mays.”

The Chiefs signed A Can of Spam to a $2.49 contract. The contract has no expiration date.

“It was a bargain,” said Pioli. “Sure, Mays has arms and legs but the Can of Spam has the ability to hide behind the defensive line and surprise running backs. They’ll never see him coming…or, well you know…sitting there. He could trip someone up. He really could.”

“We’re going to play the players that give us the best chance to win,” added Haley again.

Mays, like Jackson, has not taken to his new teammate.

“Man, if that mother effer tries to take my roster spot I swear to God I am going get Brian Waters to eat him. I swear it.”

The NFL is looking in to Mays’ comments and the LB could face a suspension.

Mike Vravel vs. Father Time

Father Time arriving at St. Joseph.

Probably the fiercest training camp battle is Mike Vrabel taking on Father Time for the starting OLB slot opposite Tamba Hali.

“Whell, what we’re impressed with with Father Time is that he is really wise and he has a good handle on the defense,” said Haley. “I do worry that he might trip over that beard but then again, Vrabel has a bad back.”

Scott Pioli has an interesting view of the subject.

“Well what I see when I look at Mike and Father Time is two players who are getting older. Their veterans and they know the game. The difference is, Mike Vrabel isn’t getting any younger but on January 1st, Father Time WILL get younger when he is reborn.”

“This is bullshit,” said Vrabel speaking via phone to Jason Whitlock. “They haven’t thought this through at all. Father Time ages a man’s entire lifetime throughout the course of the year. Yeah, sure, he looked great back in April when he was about 25. But camp starts in August. By then he’s what? 50? 52? By the time you hit October we’re talking about a senior freaking citizen. And if, by chance, we make the playoffs, he’s going to be an infant again. They’re crazy.”

Father Time understands the limitations of his situation but he isn’t letting Vrabel’s words get him down.

“Look, I’m only in my 50’s right now. I look at a guy like Bret Favre, he’s what, 10 years younger than me right now? He played at a Pro Bowl level last year. As long as I have the desire to keep going, I’m going to keep playing.”

“I’m not worried,” said Vrabel. “The dude is going to break a hip any day now. I know Pioli wants to win but this is getting ridiculous.”

There you have it Addicts. There are some fierce battles in this year’s training camp.

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