Randy Covitz’s Terrible, Horrible, No Good Very Bad Mock

The Star‘s straight-story man Randy Covitz has written a great deal about the NFL and the Kansas City Chiefs in particular that I have found useful and educational. I’ve appreciated some of his work, and I’m sure he has a very gorgeous wife with incredibly obedient children that sit quietly at the feet of his chair every night by the fire place, as he tells them stories in a velvet robe and corn-cob pipe about how the Scary Editors at the Star try to stifle his Creative Impulses.

But whatever leash they’ve loosened to give Covitz creative control over their 2010 NFL Mock… ugh. Let’s just say a dartboard would have had more realistic precision in predicting selections.

It starts out ordinary enough, with the Rams starting things off with Bradford, the Lions opting for Suh, Bucs going McCoy, and the ‘Skins pick up Okung. Of course, the Chiefs pass on a golden opportunity in QB Jimmy Clausen, Weis’ own personal prodigy, for future right tackle disappointment and Arrowhead Addict’s own personal punching bag for criticism, OT Bryan Bulaga of Iowa.

But then things get weird…

• The  Broncos select a center with the 11th overall pick. Wow.
• The Dolphins, in desperate need for a nose tackle and 3-4 passrushers, opt for the one passrusher in the 1st round that has no business in the 3-4, Derrick Morgan.
• CB Joe Haden falls all the way to the 17th pick, and once Covitz makes the selection, he says he “probably won’t” fall that far. Apparently Covitz doesn’t believe that mocks should match the author’s expectations for where and when players will land.
• Idaho OG Mike Iupati goes 19th overall for the Steelers. Oof.
• Covitz’ explanation of the Patriots taking Brandon Graham makes no sense: “Bill Belichick collects linebackers for a variety of needs.” I am not sure if reading that sentence was worth the effort.
• The Ravens are apparently in the search for a new starting nose tackle. This will come as news to Kelly Gregg, whom they have no interest to replace this season.
• The Chargers opt for RB Ryan Matthews, an incredibly unlikely proposition considering that NT Terrance Cody is still on the board.

But the crown jewel in this insanity comes with the 32nd pick on behalf of the New Orleans Saints. The Saints draft Tim Tebow. Yes. They take a player that’s not ready in at a pick that’s outrageously high for a position they have filled.

I wish Randy all the luck in the world. I also wish him a hearty pat on the back from his very gorgeous wife. But I wish he would start making better use of his time than posting unreasonably silly mocks less than two weeks towards the end of Draft season. Oy.