Matt Cassel practiced today for the Chiefs. That’s the good news. The bad news is that Michael Lombardi of the NFL Network and National Football Post is reporting that Cassel starting Sunday is a 50-50 proposition. That means that there is a 50% that we will have to suffer through Brodie Croyle for yet again, and considering Brokie’s injury history and the Ravens’ nasty defense probably Tyler Thigpen, too. Either the Chiefs are going to give Cassel a cortisone shot and make him play, or they are going to need to give me one, because I cannot tolerate the excruciating pain of watching those two pretenders masquerade as quarterbacks any longer.
Ray-Ray Lewis and the Ravens will snap Brodie in two, and then Thiggy Smalls would come in relief comic relief and get more ass-rippings from Todd Haley than completions. I seriously don’t know if I will be able to stomach it. Croyle missed Dwayne Bowe, one of the biggest WRs in the NFL, at least six times the other night in a half. Meanwhile, Thigpen threw two picks against back-ups on possibly the worst defense in the NFL. Watching those two quarterbacks in the same game is akin to watching Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton co-star in the same movie. I would rather have my inner thighs waxed by Brock Lesnar.
Seriously, I have not been waiting for a young franchise quarterback since Todd Blackledge flopped when I was five years old only to land him and see him sit out the first game of the season. That’s kinda like wandering through the desert and seeing a big puddle of water only to have your camel piss in it before you can take a drink. Excuse my French here, but if I have to endure Croyle/Thigpen again the taste won’t be much different than piss water. Last year, they were at the heart of Harmageddon, the single worst football experience of my life. Yes, even worse than three-a-days at Emporia State in 100 degree weather with scents from a nearby bakery and slaughterhouse converging to gag me underneath my facemask. This is how frustrated I am with these two “quarterbacks,” two players that only a complete idiot like Herm Edwards would consider starting options.
Cassel, Haley, if you guys can pull it off — and I don’t care how as long as we don’t jeopardize M.C.’s future, which might even be worth it — please get No. 7 out there Sunday. It will eat me alive to see Terrell Suggs complete a Mortal Kombat-style fatality on Croyle (“get over here!”), with Ed Reed picking off Thigpen six times as an encore. Save us, Matt Cassel, you’re our only hope.