If you didn’t already know, Larry Johnson has a new blog, complete with a ridiculous moving illustration of his likeness with blinging earrings. On this blog, L.J. has posted some interesting material, but yesterday he dropped his most interesting post to date. Apparently, fellow NFL star Darren Sharper has been hating on L.J. on Twitter. The problem is that Sharper’s tweets are a mix of textspeak and ebonics (and apparently he’s now been suspended), so they’re tough to decipher. Nonetheless, I’m going to try my hand at translating Sharper, aka Silky “Hater of the Year” Johnson…
DeeNice42: u shud preach that to 27, he always on some shit in da clubs. he got shit pendin’ n thems just the ones who actually said sumthin. smhabout 23 hours ago
Translation: You’re talking to Larry Johnson? You should be scared sh**less. He’s always in trouble for slapping around women at nightclubs, and those are just the ladies who decided to come forward. Homeboy is a regular Ike Turner.
DeeNice42: yous a good woman then…but b careful wit that no self control shit cause he a big dude n u but like a buck-two-five. hope he dnt put his about 23 hours ago
Translation: You’re a good woman. Be careful, though, because L.J. is a big ass dude who likes to slap chicks around/spit drinks in their faces. Hope he hasn’t whooped that ass already. He’s the black Tom Sizemore when it comes to abusing women.
DeeNice42: he still got almost a buck on ya, so dnt preach him too much lol. he been to nyc yet or wut..about 23 hours ago
Translation: He has 100 pounds on you, so watch what you say or he’ll punch you right in the mouth. Has he made a booty call to see you in NYC yet?
DeeNice42: oh good, did he bless ya wit some bling, expensive dinners n all that…about 23 hours ago
Translation: So he did come through and hook up with you. You better have gotten some jewelery and expensive dinners out of those you-know-what payments. Do your thing gold digger. Take him for all he’s worth.
DeeNice42: no matter if ya into bling or not, we come tru d town of a honey she gotta b taken care of u feel me.. by any mean necessary. about 22 hours ago
Translation: L.J. didn’t buy you bling? Dude’s got no game. Actually I have no game, but I’m rich and I’m letting you know that I will spoil your ass and do anything else necessary in order to get with you. That includes throwing a fellow NFL player who would break me in two under the bus on the world’s biggest social networking site. When it comes to hating, I step into the phone booth and emerge wearing spandex and a cape.
DeeNice42: dinner n clubbin’ man u easy to please. any nigga do that for ya’. im tellin u when we come tru d town of a honey she gets spoiled…about 22 hours ago
Translation: Did I mention that Larry Johnson is cheap? Not me. Me and my crew will give a gold digger exactly what she wants. One of those referee-lookin’ Foot Locker employees can take you to dinner and then the club. L.J. might as well work at Foot Locker. Don’t you want to get spoiled by a sucker like me?
Even though L.J. is still in my doghouse, I gotta take his side on this one. Smearing a fellow pro athlete’s name all over Twitter to the point of libel just to impress some hoochie (and if you search his old Twitter name you see a bunch of chicks trying to holler, so that isn’t off base) was a pathetic move by Sharper. Larry Johnson may be an asshole/prima donna/hasbeen, but Sharper looks like a coward and a hater. It also amazes me that these athletes don’t seem to think about the repercussions of their social networking. It’s as if Sharper thought nobody else would see this.
Anyway, I found this whole thing very amusing. It took some work to translate Sharperese, but I think I have it down now. So, if anybody is looking for a translator, I’m your man. We’ll keep you posted on the Johnson-Sharper beef. Unfortunately, the Chiefs and the Saints, Sharper’s new team, don’t play this season. Regardless, Sharper better have his head on the swivel. L.J.’s got almost a buck on him, too.