Much to the consternation of my wife and my daughters, I participated (editor’s note: more like semi-participated) in the male beauty contest held last weekend — the NFL Draft, formerly known as the player disbursement lottery. I was struck by the year-to-year similarities so I put together a top ten of the draft…
10. Bill Belichick will trade down to acquire future picks and, of course, will be hailed as a genius.
9. The Rams, in an effort to further confuse their fans and announcers, draft Chris Ogbonnaya. He will be a great fit on the roster along with Oshiomogho Atogwe, Fakhir Brown and Victor Acleyanju (Seriously, do they scout these players or pick on name only?).
8. The Chiefs will pick a first-rounder from LSU (Dwayne Bowe, Glenn Dorsey and now Tyson Jackson).
7. Daniel Snyder will be rumored at least 100 times on ESPN to be anxious to move up in the draft.
6. Mel Kiper will tie a record previously set by Donald Trump on pre-TV time and effort spent on hair.
5. The analysts on ESPN will spend 90% of their time hashing and rehashing the picks of the Jets, Giants and Cowboys.
4. The Bengals will fail to do their homework and pick players who are characters rather than players with character. Besides drafting the immature Andre Smith and the selfish Ray Maualuga, the Bengals hit the jackpot with their sixth-round pick Bernard Scott sat out his senior year in high school after a fight; attended four colleges since 2003; was academically ineligible to attend any Division 1 school; was kicked off the Central Arkansas roster for hitting a coach; and has been arrested five times in the last several years. The Bengals can now add Arresto Cinco to Ocho Cinco.
3. Prior relationships may dominate or influence selections. Josh Freeman at number 17? Well, Raheem Morris was the defensive coordinator at K-State in 2006. Andy Reid and Jim Johnson used their Missouri connections to draft Jeremy Maclin. Colin Brown’s selection was surely aided by the proximity of Faurot Field to Arrowhead. This kind of stuff happens all the time.
2. Al Davis will draft for speed (Darrius Heyward-Bey) in another attempt to recapture Cliff Branch. How did he pass on Maurice Green?
1. Adam will find at least ten more scenarios in which we could have, should and still can obtain Micheal Crabtree.
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Great post! Already saw a draft grade hailing Belichik as genius. And I don’t think we will stop hearing about the Jets, I was getting sick of it 2 days ago.
Oh yeah, and also, it was so much fun watching Herm squirm every time they mentioned the Chiefs. And when they would ask him “in your experience as a head coach what would you do here?” made me almost want to vomit.
Yeah watching Herm was almost as bas ass seeing Matt Millen in the booth again. Yikes talk about total loss of any credibility.
Yeah Jets move up to draft Sanchez and its the most genius move of the draft. Cowboys dont do squat in the draft but still they talk about how the cowboys didnt do squat. AAHHH these are the reasons i come here
So, Adam, how ARE we still going to get Crabtree? And should we be pursuing Boldin? And how’s the weather at YOUR house?
Looks like we will be trading next years top 10 pick. At least according to the 2010 mock. Geez these guys love them some projecting.
http://tinyurl.com/daf8uf
Actually, I thought Herm Edwards was the highlight of that team of analysts. He’s gonna do a great job in that field.
Edwards is great at saying something elliptical and then looking wise, and leaving others to wonder what the hell he meant. Reminds me of Peter Sellars in “Being There.”
Anybody here see “Hard Knocks” a couple years back when it featured the Chiefs? They came across like a bunch of clowns. I was embarrassed to be a fan.
Well said old man. My only addition would be the multiple appearences, as usual, by camera whore and head idiot, Jerry Jones.
hmills, I love that comment! I have compared Herm to Chauncey Gardner probably about 20 times now, so I totally agree. He says these vague, simplistic statements and let’s everyone else interpret them as him having actually said something. Herm never really says anything, and when he does it’s Dan Foutsesque obvious. I couldn’t even watch ESPN all weekend b/c of Harm. NFLN is better anyways. Eisen and Mayock trump anything Bristol brought to the table.
And we can’t get Crabtree. We can and should get Boldin, though. We still are under the spending threshold and have an extra second in next year’s draft.
Oh, and this was all the old man — fantastic stuff. But I must take credit for Arresto Cinco. Can’t resist.
Since this weekend wasn’t Christmas, I think today is going to be Thanksgiving.
I am thankful McDaniels is in Denver and not here.
I am thankful Alzhiemer Al is still running Oakland.
I am thankful Herm was in NYC “commentating” and not in KC constipating.
I am thankful Cleveland still drafts like Cleveland.
I am thankful that we can now actually “play to win the game” (maybe winning more than we won the last two years combined).
I am thankful the Rams draft all the players with difficult names so we don’t have to cheer for some guy named “Urgornio Emzibliag”.
And finally, I am thankful for a place like this where highly engaging and thoughtful discussion about our favorite team can be had. BTW, great lead in synopsis response on the Leboy/Foote FA post there #1 poster guy. In a word, succinct.