Staff Parody

I get asked fairly often why Adam and I seem to hate each other. Actually, we don’t. I like Adam and consider him a friend. We do have very different ideas on how to build a football team. That is where the fun discussion comes into play. However, all of us here are Chief fans. We may fight and argue, but we all bleed red and gold.

Adam’s recent awards where my column, Caveat Emptor, took top billing got me thinking about some of the staff here at Arrowhead Addict. Just who do some of the long time staff resemble? To be fair, I’ll parody myself first.

Yes, that’s Statler and Waldorf from the Muppet Show. I am old by AA standards and rather old school about how football should be played. I don’t have a whole lot of patience for guys who think they are reinventing the game. The game ebbs and flows a bit, but the basics are the basics. You win with a strong offensive line and defensive front seven. No, it will never go out of style.

DD reminds me of Kevin James in the King of Queens. Fun guy with some good common sense. Crane? Well Crane is beyond parody. When you wear a toilet seat around your neck to a football game, there isn’t much left to make fun of. Frankly, I am nowhere near as good as Steven Colbert parodying Bill O’Reilly so I am not even going to try. Zach talks so little on AA he might as well be Harpo Marx. That brings us to the crown jewel of Arrowhead Addict, Adam Best. Adam is the driving force behind AA. Now Adam, he requires more thought.

Who would be a fitting caricature for Adam? We need someone that’s a bit out there. A guy with a flighty nature, given to rash leaps of thought. A healthy ego without too much introspection is a must. A tall and lanky frame would be nice, but not a requirement. No one was coming to me. Then, it hit me. Answer below the fold.

It has to be Kramer from Seinfeld. Adam, he is you. Since Adam is quite fond of remembering his perceived successes. I thought I would take a stroll down memory lane and present my own favorite, less flattering Adam Best moments, countdown style.

5] The ‘it’ factor.

Whatever ‘it’ is, Adam sees ‘it’. Inevitably, this involves a skill player. Adam saw ‘it’ in Matt Ryan, Matt Cassel, Michael Crabtree, Marc Sanchez and a player that I will get to later on. That player deserves his own discussion. This is similar to the guy who goes to the bar every weekend and finds a different ‘perfect woman’ then only remembers the really, really good ones, not the skank that looked great after ten beers.

4] Chan good, Herm bad.

While I was trying to figure out how much influence Herm Edwards had on the plays that Chan Gailey called, Adam cut through all the garbage and nailed it. I never realized how simple it was until I read Adam. When an offensive play worked, that was Chan. When an offensive play didn’t work, that was Herm. It certainly makes life a lot easier if you apply this basic formula.

3] Bobby Sippio

For those of you that may have forgotten Bobby Sippio, let me bring you up to speed. A former Arena League star WR, Bobby was the feel good story of the Chiefs’ Hard Knocks training camp series. He was called in with several others for a tryout when another WR was injured during training camp. Basically, these guys were competing to be a glorified practice dummy. Bobby won many of our hearts, including mine, by ending up on the Chiefs’ roster. He showed hands of glue and some crisp route running. However, Bobby was not active for many games. Convinced he smelled a conspiracy, Adam led a campaign suggesting that Sippio was being held down due to favoritism for Jeff Webb. Last year, Bobby was in his second Chief training camp. The Chiefs had a new offensive staff, but Bobby was still not getting playing time. Convinced that Sippio would be a star because he saw ‘it’, Adam continued his conspiracy campaign against Herm. Bobby was cut and it appears that the NFL sided with Herm on this one. No one picked Sippio up.

2] The incredible, multiple blueprints.

Now, there is nothing wrong with changing a plan to adapt to changes in the landscape. Any good analyst does exactly that. It’s quite another thing to engage in revisionist history to claim success whatever a part of your various blueprints comes into being. Adam’s first blueprint hit big with the Patriot connection. We got Pioli and Cassel. The problem was the head coach. First Adam wanted McDaniels. Then when he was hired by the Broncos, Adam shifted to Spagnuolo. When Spags was hired by the Rams, Adam moved onto Todd Haley. When Haley was hired by the Chiefs, you would think Adam would be happy and leave well enough alone. But no, this is another hit in the Adam win column, according to Adam.

1] Adam as Barack Obama.

This is one that I have held back on for months, due to it’s incendiary nature. If I am ever going to let this one out, now is the time. Adam has recently avoided political references, but this was not always the case. In the not so recent past, Adam had a tendency to cast himself in the role of Barack Obama and paint folks that disagree with him as Hillary or Dubya. Now Adam has played a Herm mourner and Tony Montana on his Vlogs to some funny results. The whole Adam is Barack thing seems like a stretch to me. Adam does remind me of a president though. Let’s break it down and see who the reader comes up with.

  • Uses derisive nicknames for people he doesn’t like. See Croyle, Brokie and Edwards, Harm for examples.
  • Possesses vision mere mortals lack. This is useful in seeing ‘it’ in a skill player or examining the soul of a foreign leader.
  • Doesn’t like to admit mistakes. Often has a hard time even finding a mistake. If challenged, tries to explain that the fault was not his, but others.
  • Tends to see the world in stark terms of black and white. You’re either with us, or with the (terrorists) Broncos.
  • When reaching out for opinions, calls people who already are inclined to agree with him.
  • Uses his gut to make decisions.

Decide for yourselves what president that reminds you of.

My all-time favorite Adam Best moment is: [cue drum roll]

The coin toss decision lost the Super Bowl for the Cardinals!

Addicts, that is Adam at his bombastic, fantastic best. I could write for AA for five more years and I don’t think that one will be topped. It’s like a great moment in sports. Commentary would be superfluous and distracting.

OK Addicts. It’s your turn. Go ahead, the whole staff is open game. Who do we remind you of? What are your favorite AA staff moments. Skewer away, it’s all in fun. Just don’t take it personally.

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