The Thigpen Illusion – Mirage in a Desert of Chiefs Hopelessness
In this week’s Crane Damage, I’d like to address the newest, latest and greatest in the world of Chiefs Fandom. The Thigpen Illusion. 
Now before all you Herm Apologists and homers and insane sheep come out and stomp your feet and cry “but we ARE looking better”- hear me out. I’m you! I’m die-hard Chiefs! I hate Denver and Oakland and can’t imagine going to a game in any other stadium than Arrowhead! I am the guy that found Joe Phillips! I am the guy who called for Brodie Croyle’s head! I am the guy who gave you LJ’s accuser! I love you man! Sometimes when we love so deeply we have to give out some tough love. Lock the doors, this has went from column to intervention.
I think Tyler Thigpen is good. I’ll say it again, Tyler Thigpen is good. The guy looks like a capable NFL QB. I don’t know if he can start and win games yet, but he gives the illusion of a good football team. A mirage in a dusty desert Chiefs fans crawl to — reaching out for, holding out hope that someone can rescue us from QB hell and quench our thirst for stability. Oh, hahaha! But then there’s Herm Edwards and Ashton Kutcher there at the water’s edge to kick sand in your face with his 32nd ranked defense. You’re on Punk’d!
Some of my detractors out there, newly-anointed Hermaphrodites, claim that I never have anything good to say about Herm. My reply is, give me something good to say! Why do you think I named him Harm? Because the guy does nothing but bad things for our team. We need a Hippocratic Coaching oath that includes “Do no Harm“, the Lombardi Pledge or Ditka Doctrine could be some good names for said oath.
Fact of the matter is, Mr. Thigpen hasn’t won a game yet, and its not for a lack of trying. The same old Herm reasons also apply here why we are still losing games- poor clock management, poor decisions on 3rd and 4th down, not kicking to send a game to overtime… Common denominator = Herm. The only reason the Thigpen isn’t hurt yet a la Croyle & Huard is because of the spread offense. Thiggy Smalls should be on his hands and knees every G.D. night thanking Chan Gailey for his head still being attached to his body.
We went to the spread offense out of necessity! Necessity! We had to get 8 guys out of our box so we could breathe on offense because Herm’s vanilla ice cream offense melted down our hand — and then like Brodie Croyle’s urine — went straight down the leg. Had we not switched to the spread, we’d be signing more guys off the street and Mark Wahlberg isn’t walking through the doors anytime soon.
You know and I know that we aren’t playing Herm football right now and that’s where this Thigpen mirage comes from. We see the ball flying around and making some first downs and even some touchdowns, but still come up short but “Hey at least it was fun to watch right?” Right and wrong, because next year when we have a starting QB and some semblance of an offensive line and maybe some new toys on defense we are going to be right back to square one with Harm Edwards football. Running the ball (if we still have LJ) and trying to play the vaunted Tampa 2 without the right linebackers and we are going to be having all these same conversations again.
- Why can’t we keep our QB upright?
- What is Herm doing/thinking/watching on that play?
- Why are we losing games in the 4th quarter?
- Why are we running the ball up the gut 3 times and punting?
Get ready Hermlovers, because this is what this site will look like just under a year from now.
Clark Hunt — if you or your minions are reading this, I implore you, I beg you…make your mark on this franchise. Its time to step out of Daddy’s rather large shadow and take the reigns of this stagecoach because its headed over the cliff and the horses have blinders on. Hire us a winning coach and the rest of the pieces will fall into place. None of this “do-over” and free shit season pass business. This football team is exactly that, a business. Treat it as such.
I love the Addicts and all Chiefs fans, but I spit the Herm Edwards bait out, and I’m not falling for this debacle and never will. We are worse than the Detroit Lions record-wise. Think about that.
1-18 is UNACCEPTABLE!
I picked us to go 4-12 again this year. Not too much to ask for and it could still happen, but until I see improvement on the win/loss record, we aren’t getting any better no matter how thirsty we are for victories, what we are seeing now is a mirage, and a lot of Chiefs fans are seeing what they want to see.
I like this, Crane…
It cuts through the crap about us improving when everyone knows Herm will go back to his old ways as soon as he thinks he can get away with it. This, to me just exemplifies why, even though we have performed better, we still need to overhaul our O-line at C, RG and RT…I think signing Jordan Gross would be solid at RT and then drafting Alex Mack or the top RG in the 2nd rd would put us in good shape.
I will defend Thigpen in this regard, that if he WAS behind a solid offensive line there is not doubt he would be able to perform the same or better in a standard pro offense. When they have used him to pass out of single and double wide formations he has performed well (and that is WITH the 8 in the box, naturally.)
I think this cutting through the illusion is more telling of how our O-Line is still anemic than Thigpens talent or performance.
November 21st, 2008 at 5:55 pmI agree with both Crane and Woody here. I think one of the big points is that Thiggy Smalls could or could not be the Notorious QB. The problem is that the Chiefs are selling him and using him as a diversion, and both are acts to buy Harm more time. Not cool.
November 21st, 2008 at 6:44 pmNo matter whether you like Herm or not he’s had his 3 years to show us something. We’ve gotten worse. I think it’s time for Carl and Herm to be replaced. The thing is they’ve had some decent drafts. Yea we’ve got holes but not 1-18, c’mon. Letting our o-line deteriorate, (that means getting worse over time for any Raider fans reading this)is a sin. Has Gun he lost his touch or what? Yes there will be rookie mistakes and missed assignments, we expected that with this young group. The problem is they don’t tackle, they go for the “big hit”. It drives me crazy.
November 21st, 2008 at 8:35 pmTime for new blood at the coaching and management level.
vote thigpen for probowl http://www.nfl.com/probowl/ballot
November 21st, 2008 at 11:40 pmI am not a Herm apologist in any way shape or form. I think he should have been fired after the Indy debacle two years ago. That was the worst playoff game I have ever seen. What has been happening is indefensible. But with that said, you have to be kidding me. Are you calling for the coach to be fired now?
Even you have to admit that the team has shown improvement, largely due to stabilized QB play. And that is mainly due to a change in offensive philosophy. What more could you ask for from a head coach. I live in the Philadelphia area and deal with jackass Eagles fans. And if you want to talk about a coach that needs to be fired, lets look at Andy Reid. Or look across the state a couple of years ago to Mike “We Will Never Run the Ball” Martz. At the very least give the coaching staff credit for changing the philosophy to suit their players.
As far as the D goes, Gunther has to go. You can’t blame him for the injuries, but you can certainly blame him for Pollard and Page acting like their arms have been amputated whenever they go to make a tackle.
I agree in principle that Herm should be held to the fire for the failings of this team. But I disagree that going for two against SD was a mistake. And though it pains me in hindsight, giving NO the ball back with 5 minutes to go and telling your D “Go do what we pay you for.” The results were bad, but the theory was strong.
I think we have to wait until the end of the season to truly evaluate what has gone on this year. These are the things that have to happen:
-Beat Oakland
-Win out the home games
-Beat/Take Denver to the wire on their homefield
-Keep playing to the end
If the Chiefs fail to do any of these things, I have a torch sitting in my closet, and you can borrow a pitchfork if you need it.
November 22nd, 2008 at 7:45 amIt’s the tone I object to. You would fit in nicely with the Philly fans around here. The complaints about the coaching staff have always been “Herm never changes his philosophy and is too conservative.” Now you complaint is, “Well, he changed his philosophy but it is only an illusion.”
Blast him where appropriate, but a little credit is due also. Not much. But a little.
Mushin
“It’s the tone I object to.”
Waaah!
Go get a LJ binky then.
You want to fire Gun but not Herm? A defensive coach?
Go root for Philly then because your wish list ain’t happenin’.
November 22nd, 2008 at 1:36 pmBring Marty Back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
November 22nd, 2008 at 1:49 pmCrane,
As far as Gun is concerned, he is the only leave-over from the Vermil era. He has gotten everything he has asked for for 3 years and the defense has actually regressed. Absolutely hold Gunther accountable for lack of tackling and hold the coach responsible for keeping Gun.
As far as your tone, you post time and time again on these blogs that Herm should go, but the reason changes. Well, except for clock management, I’ll give you clock management.
Gripe #1- Herm isn’t innovative
Gripe #1a- It’s the o-cord that’s innovative, and it’s a mirage that the coach actually changed the offense.
Gripe #2: Herm is too conservative running an antiquated system that is predictable and plays for a tie.
Gripe #2a: Herm shouldn’t go for it to win the game
If you want him fired, fine. But what I don’t understand is that when the man does what you want him to do, namely change the offense, you find a way to bitch about that too. You go off on loaded rants with tags and one-liners that have no merit outside of a pro-wrestling pre-match interview or fox news. A clever play on words does not prove a point. It sounds a lot like Whitlock to me. Just putting letters together because somebody gave you a keyboard.
The best part is, that when a counter argument is put before you, you’re response is:
“Waaah!
Go get a LJ binky then.”
Nice counter point there. After reading it I now realize that all the foundations of my ideals are inherently flawed. My whole life may be a lie. The depth and breadth of your insight have shocked me into a zen-like trance. I open myself to your great wisdom. Fill this vessel o’ sage of the net.
Now that we have that out of the way. I have a question for you: If by some flippin miracle the Chiefs actually meet the goals I set out before, should the coach be fired?
-Beat Oakland
-Win out the home games
-Beat/Take Denver to the wire on their homefield
-Keep playing to the end
Or better yet, what is the scenario(if any)where in Herm could keep his job and avoid being forced into committing Hari Kari by the righteously angry fans of this town? What exactly would you like to see Herm do, besides die?
November 22nd, 2008 at 2:27 pmThis argument should have ended here:
Somebody, anybody…apparently me: Win more than one of his last 19 games. Is that too much to frackin’ ask?
And if we accomplish your goals I will do a mock Pepsi commercial on a vlog and light my hair on fire Jacko style. Not really, but I don’t see all of those things happening.
I respect your patience with Herm and your faith, I really do, but I think it’s misplaced. Time and time again — along with maybe a handful of players improving — will not get us to the big game.
November 22nd, 2008 at 3:18 pmAdam,
Patient? You apparently haven’t been in a one mile radius of my house every Sunday to hear the screams of frustration this year. I have no patience. What I am is a realist.
At the beginning of this year we all knew they were going to suck and that this season would not be about wins and losses, but progress on the field. No matter how anyone feels about the coaching staff, there has been progress from last year. Check the first box. Now they have to start winning the close games. If they can’t do that in these last few weeks, Herm definitely needs to go.
What I don’t want is an Oakland-like atmosphere where the coach gets fired every other day. Or a Philly atmosphere where the fans are pissed that the Phillies didn’t win the World Series in 4 games.
What I like is the fact that the team definitely has a plan. I agree with the plan in theory and believe that it will pay dividends if it is implemented correctly. I’m all for a new coach if that will fix what is wrong with my Chiefs. I’m just not convinced that it’s going to fix what is wrong with them at this moment.
I’m tired of excuses from the team. And the rookie excuse has got to go. At the same time, the fact that the Chiefs were in the game to the 4th quarter last week with 5 guys from off the street says a ton about the effort of this team. They came up short. It happens. Suck it up.
What I object to is snap judgments and inflammatory rhetoric based on after the fact observations. What exactly is the objection here? All I’m asking for is some constructive commentary.
Again, I ask, what would it take to convince you that Herm is the coach? I’m not asking because I think Herm is the second coming of Stram. I think Herm is a decent coach. His players play hard for him. He is okay at play calling. He is not the greatest at half-time adjustments. He has some loyalty issues where he keeps giving players a chance one too many times. He is a great evaluator of DB talent, and finds players that over-achieve. He is not a great evaluator of positions outside the secondary, but he is a good evaluator of character. With all this said, I’m not married to Herm. If he can’t get this team to win, trade his ass for a six-pack of beer and a playboy. Hell, if he can’t get this team to win screw playboy, get a copy of Skank and I’d consider it a bargin.
I just want to know what it is that Crane and yourself are expecting this year, and if there is anything that would give you pause in your negative evaluation of the coach. It’s not an accusation, it’s an inquiry.
November 22nd, 2008 at 4:03 pmWhat would it take? Oh, maybe him winning more than 1 of his last 19. Am I take crazy pills, or is that a reasonable request?
I was expecting about this because of who Harm is, but I needed to see about 5-6 wins and a defense not ranked dead last. Again, reasonable requests, especially considering our soft sked.
And I’m sick of this he motivates players. Is that a special trait in a coach? Don’t they all do that in one way or another? And they make excuses because their head coach does the same. He takes no accountability and it trickles down.
Anybody still giving Harm a chance is just being completely unreasonable. How low have we set the bar?
November 22nd, 2008 at 5:16 pm“I just want to know what it is that Crane and yourself are expecting this year, and if there is anything that would give you pause in your negative evaluation of the coach.”
Wins.
You said in the first line of your comment that you aren’t a Herm apologist, but that’s all you did was make excuses for him.
The fact we even have to sign guys off the street…oh man, you know what…if you don’t get it by now I don’t think you ever will.
November 22nd, 2008 at 5:31 pmBack up a quick second. I love this site and you guys. The only site I visit more than this..is…no this is it. With that said:
Crane:
“The fact we even have to sign guys off the street…oh man, you know what…if you don’t get it by now I don’t think you ever will”
That just doesn’t make sense. You have 9 injuries on the D. Where else are you going to get players? Put LJ in at weakside? Have Thigpen in at DE on passing situations? Maybe Sacintosh can get to the QB as frequently as he lets the other team get to ours.
What apology? I’m not apologizing for him. Who the hell can apologize for 1-18? I lay the lion’s share for this at CP’s door. I lay the choice of Solari and Curl at Herm’s feet and the continuation of Gun’s job when the D hasn’t been better than 15 even with the best pass rusher in the league. I think the whole damn crew should have been canned before the draft last year.
I think that Clark was still holding on to his father’s vision. DAMN HIM!!! I’m just trying to be objective. What is it that Clark sees in these guys?
The original post, however, talked about how Herm/Gailey changing the offensive philosophy was crap, even when we all wanted it to happen for the last 2 years.
I’m not about giving Herm a chance. I’m about an ultimatium. Win or leave, but let the games be played before we pull the U-haul to the door.
November 22nd, 2008 at 6:20 pmHere’s what Clark sees…
If he continues to offer his steadfast support to Carl and Harm, then Chiefs fans will scratch their head and say, hey, Clark Hunt is a smart guy, he knows the situation better than we do, he must see something that makes him think we are on the right track. When in reality Clark is just trying to save money and buy time until the stadium renovation is done. Maybe he’s trying to get to the end of their contracts, which is one more year. That alone would save him $5 M.
Honestly, I’m about 98% positive that’s what’s going on.
November 22nd, 2008 at 6:45 pmYou guys and your bickering…..
Coaches get fired every year. Usually it’s the win-loss record, and sometimes it’s because the players want him gone. Since Herm is a good guy and makes us smile with his one liners, and because his players like him, it’s not going to be due to the latter (like Billick last year here in Bmore) and it should be due to the former in this case. I’m thinking that a couple of wins late in the year, especially against all said hated division rivals, will salvage his job like Mushin said. I don’t think it should be saved, but it might be.
Adam, I’m thinking you’re right about the Clark eval. Football is a business more than anything else. We don’t have the burden to deal with the cash side of it, thankfully. We don’t have to hire and fire people, although we would like to sometimes. All we ask is to see our Chiefs win. We haven’t for quite some time. The Broncos win seems like a crack high now: very short-term burst of euphoria followed by severe depression and hopelessness. There should be a change come end of season. The next 6 games should factor heavily in the retrospective evaluation of the coaching staff. I’m sure everyone is on the edge of their seat to see how it plays out.
November 22nd, 2008 at 7:07 pm“I think the whole damn crew should have been canned before the draft last year.”
Yet, you want to keep Herm around?
Look Mush- Here’s the deal, I think you’ve misunderstood me a little. I’m saying in this post that we went to the spread out of necessity because we couldn’t play Hermball. Herm didn’t change overnight, we had to go to the spread to protect the QB and we are throwing bc we can’t run, at all- not because Herm decided to switch it up, let’s not give anyone too much credit here.
We have gotten worse and worse and worse since Herm arrived, so bad that we had to throw up the do over sign, and go into “rebuilding” year 20 of CP’s 5 year plan is coming up in 09. How much Harm is enough?
This statement you made in your first comment is the perfect illustration of the Thigpen Illusion
“Even you have to admit that the team has shown improvement, largely due to stabilized QB play.”
November 22nd, 2008 at 8:03 pmCrane,
November 22nd, 2008 at 10:34 pmCrane,
I think we’re all on the same page, it’s really just semantics when everyone is vomiting on their television. The only Herm supporters are his family, and his wife might think about stabbing him for forcing her to watch this crap on the field.
Thigpen is not the savior. I agree on that much. What amazes me is what having one qb will do for the team. That’s what I mean by stabilizing. Not being Tom Brady, just knowing the guy’s name that’s throwing the ball to you it huge.
If I’ve come across as wanting to keep Herm around, I came across wrong. At this point I don’t care who coaches, just win damnit. Put some of those cheerleaders on the defense if that helps. I hear Pee Wee Herman might have a unique throwing motion that could win some games for us. Hell, get Al Davis…okay, that was just crazy.
I’m not trying to make excuses for Herm, I’m just stating the facts:
1. He took a team 2 1/2 LONG years ago to the playoffs that NEVER should have gone. I think it had something to do with sacrificing a small child to the football gods.
2. Last year’s fiasco was caused by 3 main factors:
a. CP is a moron
b. LJ got hurt
c. Herm/Solari couldn’t adjust their game plan if the other team told them what they should do.
3. This year has been…interesting in a vomit on the TV kind of way. I think the team has progressed. I think they have potential. And this team should win 4 of the last 5. The talent is there. And if Herm can’t make it happen I hear Oakland has an opening in the month of October 2009. I worry that if we bring in a new coach we’re going to regress again. But I’m worry more that my 4 year old is going to think I root for the F$%&ing Chiefs.
Whatever it takes. But if Herm can get this team to win 4 out of 5, he deserves a shot for about 4 to 6 games next season. And that’s it. We are at the point where there are no excuses left. Buffalo is it. It’s time to Raider or get off the pot.
November 22nd, 2008 at 10:49 pmMushin,
You just accidentally inspired a new nickname…
Pee Wee Herm
That’s the level of football he plays.
“Connect the dots, la, la, la, la, la.”
November 23rd, 2008 at 1:27 amGlad to be of service
November 23rd, 2008 at 9:55 amAdam- that made me seriously lol
When you hear the secret word…scream like a fuckin maniac!
November 23rd, 2008 at 2:11 pm