I guess today’s just Adam’s favorite smart ass TV segment day. First SNL’s “Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy,” now Bill Maher’s “New Rules.” Hopefully, you guys will enjoy this just as much (and we can all avoid thinking about the powerhouse Pewter Pirates for at least another day).
New Rules: Kansas City Chiefs Edition 1.0
You can’t slap women around if you refuse to pass block.
You can’t slap women around period, but what kind of pansy abuses women yet tinkerbells around when relied on for pass protection? Larry Johnson, real men do two things: A.) The dirty work; and B.) Never abuse women.
Daunte Culpepper cannot call the Detroit Lions a “better opportunity” than anything except mopping floors at a peep show.
I know a lot of people are laughing at us because of his comments, but C-Pepp definitely won’t be laughing here pretty soon. The Lions may be built Ford, but they’re definitely not “built Ford tough.”
Being negative does not mean you’re being a bad fan.
The players aren’t going to read blogs, newspapers, etc…get down on themselves, suddenly play like crap and blame us. Can you really see Brian Waters saying, “well, if it wasn’t for A.A. and all the Addicts, our line would have gelled by now,” or something to that effect? Chiefs fans show their support by wearing their Red rain or shine, any place, any time, and rocking Arrowhead on Sundays, not by being Chiefs apologists and homers (which is also fine). In our case, dissent has two purposes: A.) It allows the frustrated Red and Gold faithful to vent; and B.) It sends loud-and-clear signals out to the Chiefs’ brass, which monitors what’s going on around the Web and the pulse of the fan (trust me, I know for sure that they do).
Fans and bloggers alike must stop saying that (paraphrasing) “Herm can evaluate talent.”
He knows the secondary, and appears to have drafted two quality corners–we think. Well, that’s where he has always played and coached, so he better be able to evaluate the defensive backfield. On the other hand, our safeties take some of the worst angles I’ve ever seen, and they’re not that fast. I played safety, so I know what I’m talking about here (for once). So can he even evaluate D-backs? Or maybe our defense line is so bad that they can’t get to running backs after they cut through our front seven like a hot Ginsu through butter.
Which leads me to the defensive line; two first-rounders, a second-rounder and a third-rounder, and they get utterly manhandled. Great to see that Tamba Hali can’t even play against left tackles, which is what first-round DEs are expected to be able to do.
Herm and Co. have also been somewhat decent at evaluating running backs, but not much else. Also, your first-round picks (Dwayne Bowe) have to hit, no matter the position. All that being said, what proof does anybody have that Herm can actually evaluate talent? The New York Jets had their worst year under him his fourth and last year there. Would that have happened if he was identifying and drafting such incredible talent. Probably not.
Herm has to stop using the Hermism that his teams “play to win the game.”
This would be like Jason Whitlock saying, “I diet to keep me Keira Knightley thin.”
The Chiefs must produce a reality TV show called QB Quandary next offseason.
Because the Chiefs have deprived us of both the quarterback and the entertainment we deserve for two seasons now, we absolutely deserve this. Can’t you see: A.) Michael Vick hitting on Kelli Croyle; B.) Brodie Croyle standing up to him, getting punched and spontaneously combusting into a billion shards of glass; C.) Jeff George finally getting his shot, but only if his boo Whitlock is his bunkmate…and sleeps above him every night; and D.) Chase Daniel is a contestant, but the catch is a Mizzou fan who practices Chase idol worship has to be his caddy (aka bitch) every day. If Vick is still in a halfway house, all the QBs could just stay there with him until they had their playbooks revoked.
Real Chiefs fans cannot have “second teams.”
All we have left to hang our red hats on is that we have the league’s best, loyalist fans. Puh-lease, let’s not eff that up, too.
Everyone involved with the Chiefs has to stop saying (paraphrasing) “free agency is a waste of money.”
The Redskins are 6-2. Drew Brees is my MVP so far, because the Saints would be 0-8 without him. Bernard Berrian has been fantastic for the Vikings. Kawika Mitchell is now bolstering his second defense in the past two years. Mewelde Moore has kept the Steelers playing at a high level minus Willie Parker. Alan Faneca manhandled Glenn Dorsey last Sunday. Muhsin Muhammad has been huge for the Panthers. Travis LaBoy is already having a career year with the Cardinals. Think the Crump Dump and the Freak aren’t helping the 7-0 Titans? What about Warrick Dunn helping the Bucs? Chad Pennington is making the Dolphins much more respectable than our Chiefs. I could go on and on. Hell, even Cedric Benson and Rudi Johnson look decent despite being burdened by their terrible new teams.
Just because we completely suck at evaluating and signing top-notch free agents, that does not mean that free agency is a waste of money.
Male Chiefs fans cannot wear capris.
I saw a dude wearing a Longhorns shirt and capris the other day. Dude, I like fashion, but c’mon now. Dupris (dude capris)? I am appointing myself the CCC–Chiefs Capris Commissioner. If I catch any of you guy Chiefs fans wearing ‘em–especially with Chiefs garb–I will tomahawk chop that ass and you will lose all your K.C. privileges Pulp Fiction-style.
It is OK to not be pissed when one of your fantasy players makes a big play against the Chiefs.
At least one of our teams should win, right? Right?
Addicts, leave your own “New Rules” in the comments…
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Funniest Post yet! Love the peep show comparison!!!!
LJ is out the rest of the year. AGAIN. Ill bet if they cant trade his dumb ass they will just cut him.
New Rule, you can not call yourself Arrowhead Adam unless you wear a foam arrowhead during your vlogs.
Id love if we traded LJ. trade for a late first early second rounder and then trade up in the draft to get chris wells
Well said, Merlin. I use the term “Arrowhead Adam” because it’s my alter ego that emerges when I talk about the Chiefs. Usually, I’m a very, very optimistic person, but the Chiefs bring out my inner pessimist. Plus, AA is more controversial than Adam. I get into character! Maybe the foam would help with that? Hmmmm…
I wonder if anyone will want LJ
Why would we need to trade up to get anyone? We’ll have the first or second pick!
We’ll never get a 1st or 2nd rounder for LJ..too much hassle for another team. Why not draft Shonn Greene from Iowa? Appears to be a sturdy go to back that can carry the load, and has more yrds/carry in FCS. Who in the hell throws a bunch of rookies out there without infusing some experienced veterans? Herm Edwards and King Carl that’s who. Dump the bums and hire Singletary or Marty. Cowher won’t take the job.
First off, who said anything about LJ being done for the year? He returned to practice (with scout team) and the most anyone has been talking about is 3 games…i dont know where you all got that…
I tried the “have a second team” thing, it didnt work out…too much Red and Gold in my veins…(it was the Bills, by the way)
I dont like “Dupris” i call them “Manpris” but no…i would never wear them either…
I liked the post…but I cannot stand Bill Maher…certainly raises my blood pressure…
Dupris just sounds more “fancy.” Another Bill–Bill O’Reilly, argh!–raises my blood pressure. If it’s not one Bill it’s a mofo ‘nother.
Good to see you holding off on that second team, Woody!
Yea…it didn’t feel right…plus we play them…my head would have exploded…
But i would hardly compare them to Turkey Neck Bill Oreilly…its true…watch his warbler, its hypnotizing…
Wow! I am suprised to see something bad posted about LJ from his great butt kisser, Adam. A few months ago if ANYONE said ANYTHING about trading LJ, you were worse than a woman on the rag. Now all of a sudden the bashing has begun. Do feel a bit hypocritical yet? Should of had this type of post about him after the 1ST INCIDENT, not the 3rd or 4th!! Funny post though.
Oops that should have read Do YOU feel a bit hypocritical yet? Hate it when that happens!
My only question is, “Where are you hanging out, Adam?” I haven’t even seen any male wearing capris at the Oak Park Mall!!! LMAO!!!
Adam resides in Austin. Pinko mecca of Dixie – comes with the territory I suppose.
Oh, yeah, I forgot.
Larry wont be playing anytime soon according to Carl P. It would be a shock if he isnt suspended at all. If he is suspended, when he gets back there will be few games if any left and he will be a 29 year old out of shape trouble maker that we would be stupid to give game time too. He is out for the year folks, then a probable trade or cut in the off season. Very sad for LJ.
When I see stories like this…..
http://msn.foxsports.com/nfl/story/8735932/Kiffin-says-Raiders-owe-him-$2.6-million-in-salary
Despite a rough year, I can’t help but be thankful God made me a Chiefs fan!
I totally agree with Rando here. Might have to drop a vlog on it…
As for feeling hypocritical yet, Vrod, no, not really. I know how women can act around professional athletes, so before now I honestly just thought it was him being out and women coming after his money. I thought once they knew that he had the first incident, that he was an easy mark. We now know that isn’t true. Not a fan of those who abuse women. L.J. can get back in my good graces, but for now his jersey has been suspended in favor of a D-Bowe one.
hammer…Oak Park mall? Hmmmmmm…maybe not. You could always just drive down to Mass street in Lawrence, though. I kid. I love Lawrence even though I despise the Beakers. And Austin is awesome, but it gets a little out there at times.
You know this entire thing came out of nowhere for me I was proudly wearing my LJ jerseys since Larry signed the big contract. I even had purchased a jersey back when he had a different number. Unreal how quiet this was kept. I have to think that this may have contributed to Jarod Allens bitterness, I mean he had to think that Larry was getting away with being a turd while he was being hung out to dry. I mean which is worse spitting in a womans face or endangering the lives of families by driving drunk? Both are real loser moves in my opinion and both should have been dealt with in similar fashion.
New Rule: Gunther deserves his own camera to follow him throughout the game. Now that Gunther is on the sidelines again I want a camera to follow him throughout the game. Kind of like a picture-in-picture screen during the game. Nothing is better than watching Gunter’s head explode causing him to throw his dip all while sporting the yellow rifle range glasses!
As long as he’s mic’d up, that’s cool with me! Nice call, Saleaumua!
I agree Adam about the target thing, but at some point you have to MAN up and do things to keep yourself OUT of those situations. He is starting to sound like another Mike Tyson.
80% of never getting in trouble is never putting yourself in position to. That is especially true for pro athletes, who are easy targets for both chicks and dudes. You’re right, Vrod.