Arrowhead Advantage: Dismember The Titans (Who Am I Kidding?)

We aren’t going to win, but that isn’t going to stop A.A.’s oldest tradition…

Top 10 Reasons the Titans Aren’t as Cool as the Chiefs:

Coach Fish has to give himself a hug after watching his O.

10. Jeff Fisher looks like a homeless man’s Tom Selleck. Maybe the “P.I.” in Magnum P.I. really stood for pass interference? Little known fact: he once got arrested during his crazy beard days.

9. Pacman Jones? Vince Young? What is it about Nashville that attracts crazies? I’ve heard of blind dates, but blind drafts?

8. Speaking of V.Y., how does it feel to go from National Champion and No. 3 overall pick to suicide watch and holding a clipboard for Kerry Collins–a 35-year-old, washed-up, racist, 90-proof quarterback? If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em, eh?

7. LenDale “Little Debbie” White might be Chauncey Billups’ cuz, but his physique more closely resembles another Detroit sports icon’s–Cecil Fielder. Our running back has been accused of some abuse, but there is now doubt that LD abuses Twinkies.

6. Justin Gage? Justin McCareins? Might as well have fellow Tennessean Justin Timberlake out there catching passes. At least J.T. gave us this jewel (rated R for sure, folks).

5. 5-0? That’s an ironic record, because with the Titans’ ferocious D and futile O, that’s a typical Titans final score.

4. Why did the Eagles turn The Freak into The Freed? Because Jevon Kearse is barely even a shell of his former self at this point.

3. Boy, Alge Crumpler and his 1.2 catches per game are really worth all that dough, huh? Tony Gonzalez may not like showing up for the Chiefs any more, but at least he still does.

2. You know it. I know it. The Colts are still going to win that division. Hell, the Jaguars will probably still even pass the Titans by. Over-rated! Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh. Honestly, that offense is even more putrid than ours. That’s not hyperbole, it’s honesty. Even Coach Fish’s life jacket can’t save that offense.

1. I’ve driven through the Music City several times. Unfortunately, I always forget to hold my nose while I’m passing through. And shouldn’t it be called the Bad Music City? Are those traffic jams at 5 PM, or just people driving slowly with their knees because their hands are busy plugging their ears to avoid the country sewage spewing from the radio.

“Vince Young threw it to the wrong team, so I shot my dog,

But he didn’t die right away, so I did the Haynesworth stomp,

Didn’t want him limpin’ round like ol’ Steve McNair,

So I finished ‘em off with another shot, hey, you know life ain’t fair…”

Topics: Arrowhead Advantage, Chiefs, Titans

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