Herm Edwards Hands Out Another Suspension For Conduct Detrimental to the Team: Himself
Breaking News out of Arrowhead!
Herm Edwards called a press conference this morning at Arrowhead and delivered some shocking news.
Edwards announced yet another devastating suspension for Chiefs fans, coming on the heels of yesterday’s suspension deactivation of star running back Larry Johnson.
“I got some good news and some bad news, the good news is I won’t be on the sideline this Sunday, as I am suspending myself for conduct detrimental to the team. Bad news, which you may have heard about yesterday, is that Larry won’t be with us because he pushed some chickenhead in the face like Samson did on Half-Baked during his back-e-otomy lament, in a downtown KC club 8 months ago.”
Edwards also commented about Johnson’s alleged victim having other motivations than justice, such as money, from his starting running back.
“Now I ain’t sayin’ she a gold digger, But she ain’t messin’ wit no broke ni*#as,” Edwards said.
Bob Gretz asked how Johnson would handle the one game suspension, Edwards said, “He gon’ make it to a Benz out of that Datsun. He got that ambition, baby look in his eyes. This week he’s moppin’ floors, next week it’s the fries. So, stick by his side, I know this dude’s ballin, and yeah that’s nice.”
When asked about why Edwards didn’t wait for the NFL to decide who is suspended and who is not, Edwards continued, “We are trying to beat Commissioner Roger Goodell to the punch, because you all saw Pacman get lifted off the ground and choked out by Roger’s force powers this week, and as you all know from seeing Larry whiff on blocks that the force is not strong with him. We hope this pre-emptive suspension against both Larry and myself will help us get at least one first down and get someone in there to block for Brodie since its possible he could end up in the trash compactor with Chewbacca and Luke facing that Tennessee defense.”
Edwards faced some tough questions from KC media types like Jason Whitlock as well, “Being the best head coach in the league, and maybe of all-time, how can you justifiably suspend yourself?”
“You play to win the game…hello!?” Edwards replied. “My coaching has been problematic for the last six games and two years so I’m hoping that by removing myself from the situation, we will be able to get a win Sunday. It’s a fun time if you have a job. It’s not a fun time when you’re a guy who doesn’t have a job.”
Edwards also commented on the return of Brodie Croyle, the Chiefs oft-injured, winless quarterback and whether he would throw the ball more than usual with his running back out.
“You do what’s best for your team, … throw passes and get (the quarterback) killed. Are you kidding me? For what? That’s ridiculous.”
“What we’re worrying about now is trying to figure out who to blame. But there is no blame, teams go through this,” insisted Edwards. “I mean, really, really, what’s worse for the Chiefs? What’s worse for the Chiefs? If I’m not there, they can’t blame me. Can’t blame me, right? There’s no problem here.”
You are funny…But, Johnson is not getting benched because of the simple assault charge. You may have been kidding, i duno….And judging by the strength of her arguments about it, it looks like Iron Man (Adam Best, a-thank-you…) won’t be having much trouble with that situation anyway. If Johnson can get suspended for pushing a girls face then Roger Goodell has gone mad, any bimbo lookin for money would start making allegations or blackmailing players (game check or…my check, right now)…
still, funny…with herms voice you should have used more “You know, it’s tough…it’s tough…” or “They got flustrated…just got a little flustrated…they’ll be ok…”
October 17th, 2008 at 3:36 amIf Hermman Edwards was near me I’d give him a big old hug and say “Thank you” for putting this jack ass in his place.
Thinks he is more important than the team, no man ever is. Team in the shape the Chiefs are in and Herm has the balls to set arguably the best player on the bench for violation of team rules.
Takes a man to do that, and I have to say this is about the proudest I’ve been of Herm since he’s been in KC. Congratulations Herm, and again, thank you.
I wouldn’t be surprised if the Chiefs win now.
October 17th, 2008 at 6:22 amYou win nitpicky of the week Woody.
Yes, this is a joke, obviously. Its Friday Crane Damage son, we are just havin’ some fun. All the details didn’t come out until late as to why he was actually deactivated- (that’s what they are calling it now) for his apparent Plaxico-like behavior.
And 75% of those Herm quotes are actual Herm quotes from the past. (like the last 5 all have nonsense made from real Germ!)
Now that we got that straight….
October 17th, 2008 at 7:45 amAwesome Crane.
October 17th, 2008 at 9:00 am(I gotta leave)
This week TN, next week he’s on fries? LMAO Let’s hope so.
October 17th, 2008 at 10:20 amKing Carl…”18 years, 18 years.” Probably getting lipo with our money, too.
Great post, Crane. We could only be so lucky. The only jackass who needs to be put in his place–the unemployment line–is Harm.
October 17th, 2008 at 12:42 pmI hear Tony goin’ “I gotta leave” and when the King gone we holla WE WANT PRENUP, YEAH!
October 17th, 2008 at 1:15 pmLMAO!
How many drinks does it take to make the Chiefs look good?
18 BEERS, 18 BEERS!
October 17th, 2008 at 1:32 pmWe wish Carl would leave our ass for a white girl…
October 17th, 2008 at 2:39 pmDifferent song, different album, but…
Henny make Brodie look like Halle Berry to me.
October 17th, 2008 at 3:06 pmSteven, if LJ thinks he is more important to the team, and you are praising Herm for benching him, then why shouldn’t Gonzo get benched? After all, he certainly put himself before the team …
October 17th, 2008 at 3:51 pmsorry Adam no its not…same song. Its the last line in the last verse. Thanks for playing though.
October 17th, 2008 at 4:33 pmhttp://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/Golddigger-lyrics-Kanye-West/455A56FFA5F48AFA482570560053ED5E
I was talking about my Halle Berry line from “The New Workout Plan,” D.A.
Someone’s touchy today.
October 17th, 2008 at 5:24 pmWhir, I think Herm puts stupidity above the team. I think Carl puts filling the seats before the team? Should they get benched, too?
October 17th, 2008 at 5:31 pmsorry, no sleep for the weary Chiefs fan…
October 17th, 2008 at 5:52 pmThat’s what I was going to say. The Chiefs do cause insomnia!
October 17th, 2008 at 7:11 pm