Herm Edwards Hands Out Another Suspension For Conduct Detrimental to the Team: Himself

Breaking News out of Arrowhead!

Herm Edwards called a press conference this morning at Arrowhead and delivered some shocking news.

Edwards announced yet another devastating suspension for Chiefs fans, coming on the heels of yesterday’s suspension deactivation of star running back Larry Johnson.

“I got some good news and some bad news, the good news is I won’t be on the sideline this Sunday, as I am suspending myself for conduct detrimental to the team. Bad news, which you may have heard about yesterday, is that Larry won’t be with us because he pushed some chickenhead in the face like Samson did on Half-Baked during his back-e-otomy lament, in a downtown KC club 8 months ago.”

Edwards also commented about Johnson’s alleged victim having other motivations than justice, such as money, from his starting running back.

“Now I ain’t sayin’ she a gold digger, But she ain’t messin’ wit no broke ni*#as,” Edwards said.

Bob Gretz asked how Johnson would handle the one game suspension, Edwards said, “He gon’ make it to a Benz out of that Datsun. He got that ambition, baby look in his eyes. This week he’s moppin’ floors, next week it’s the fries. So, stick by his side, I know this dude’s ballin, and yeah that’s nice.”

When asked about why Edwards didn’t wait for the NFL to decide who is suspended and who is not, Edwards continued, “We are trying to beat Commissioner Roger Goodell to the punch, because you all saw Pacman get lifted off the ground and choked out by Roger’s force powers this week, and as you all know from seeing Larry whiff on blocks that the force is not strong with him. We hope this pre-emptive suspension against both Larry and myself will help us get at least one first down and get someone in there to block for Brodie since its possible he could end up in the trash compactor with Chewbacca and Luke facing that Tennessee defense.”

Edwards faced some tough questions from KC media types like Jason Whitlock as well, “Being the best head coach in the league, and maybe of all-time, how can you justifiably suspend yourself?”

“You play to win the game…hello!?” Edwards replied. “My coaching has been problematic for the last six games and two years so I’m hoping that by removing myself from the situation, we will be able to get a win Sunday. It’s a fun time if you have a job. It’s not a fun time when you’re a guy who doesn’t have a job.”

Edwards also commented on the return of Brodie Croyle, the Chiefs oft-injured, winless quarterback and whether he would throw the ball more than usual with his running back out.

“You do what’s best for your team, … throw passes and get (the quarterback) killed. Are you kidding me? For what? That’s ridiculous.”

“What we’re worrying about now is trying to figure out who to blame. But there is no blame, teams go through this,” insisted Edwards. “I mean, really, really, what’s worse for the Chiefs? What’s worse for the Chiefs? If I’m not there, they can’t blame me. Can’t blame me, right? There’s no problem here.”

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Tags: Arrowhead, brodie croyle, Chewbacca, Chiefs, Half-Baked, Herm Edwards, larry johnson, Luke, NFL, pacman, Roger Goodell, suspension, Whitlock