Brangelina Theory: The Tony G-Men Makes Sense
It’s the bye week, and after last week’s debacle I’ve tried to make it a mini-bye week for me as well. But I always think about my Chiefs. I can’t help it. A few minutes ago something popped into my head that totally explains the Tony Gonzalez situation. I’m glad, because I was really struggling to explain my stance and was hurting sans the weekly Arrowhead Advantage feature. (By the way, there’s no way I’m doing RW/FF this week. I’d rather watch Gigli for ten hours straight. Besides, I deleted the Carolina Calamity the second it concluded.)
Tony Gonzalez stuck with the Chiefs is similar to when Angelina Jolie was married to Billy Bob Thornton. I love Billy Bob, but much like the Chiefs, the Midwestern favorite wasn’t going to cut it for one of the hottest stars around. Angelina needeed her own star; one who was at the top of his game and in his prime. She found that in Pitt, ten years Billy Bob’s junior and just a tad more handsome, rich and famous.
A team like the New York Giants could be Tony G’s Pretty Boy Pitt. He’s given everything to the Chiefs for over a decade now, on his way to becoming the most prolific Chiefs’ offensive player and NFL tight end ever. He’s basically pulled an Angelilly Bob and worn a vial of the Chiefs’ blood around his neck. He’s been the Red and Gold’s monogamous rock. And what has he received in return? A bunch of playoff one-and-dones.
Don’t give me this “we paid him” crap either. If Billy Bob would have told Angelina she wasn’t worth all of that fuss (she ultimately ditched him), another guy would have disagreed and scooped her up. History proves that statement true. Gonzo would be no different. If King Carl had of decided not to pay Gonzalez, then another suitor would have swooped in within the hour and paid that man–handsomely. As much as we love Tony G, I don’t think even we truly appreciate what he brings to the franchise on a daily basis.
Again, I love me some Billy Bob Thornton. Bad Santa, Sling Blade, The Man Who Wasn’t There, etc. But over the past five years it’s been easy to see why Angelina bounced, especially in favor of Pitt. Not trying to be superficial here, folks, but just look at the situation objectively. Angelina makes beautiful people look in the mirror and say, damn, I’m ugly. She had no business being with a guy closer to her dad Jon Voight’s age than her own. Being married to a star like Pitt has helped her take her career to the next level–to the A-list.
The defending Super Bowl champion G-Men can do the same for Tony. He deserves some actual playoff success and a chance to win a Super Bowl. If you ask me, playing for the small market, playoff pansy Chiefs has also affected his marketability. This guy should be as big as any star in the NFL. The only thing better than his hands and his looks are his personality. The guy is a role model and a bonafide hero. He may not have been able to save the Chiefs from choking, but, much like he did for Ken Hunter, he applied the Heimlich Maneuver. The Chiefs were just beyond even his saving.
My Brangelina Theory states that the right thing for the Chiefs to do is get on the horn and make the Giants the Tony G-Men. At worst, they’d send us a third-rounder. That pick will be worth something when Tony is soaking up the sun with October as a California retiree, waiting to enter the Hall of Fame and Ring of Honor as a Chief. For now, Tony deserves better.
Recent Posts...
AADQ: Whitlock In Cahoots With Harm? by Adam Best
Du Hast: Motivating Gunther by Adam Best
Carl Peterson Presents "The Producers" by This Old Chief
Loss #9 -The New Orleans Saints by Steven
i completely agree with this, its gonna be weird seeing him wearing something other than red and gold, but it will be worthi it if he gets that ring…i honestly might cry.
October 11th, 2008 at 10:21 pmThis is the biggest tragedy in all the years of my fanhood. Tony asking out in the middle of the season is a huge WAKE UP call. I didn’t realize how bad it must behind those old wood doors at Arrowhead Stadium. Tony G loves KC fans. Maybe he’s trying to tell us something. Time to clean out the back of the house. CP all the way down. REBUILD. Hopefully Tony’s asking to be traded smacks Clark Hunt in the back of the head like a Louisville Slugger.
October 11th, 2008 at 11:24 pmSo what you’re really saying is that Tong G is too hot to be in Mid-West? Totally agree.
October 11th, 2008 at 11:53 pmHe’s baaaaaaaaaaaaaack.
Anyway, my thoughts would be not to trade Tony to the Giants, but to the Packers. Why, you ask? To give Aaron Rodgers, a new up-and-coming star QB, a reliable target for at least one or two years, until he truly finds his own path, and gets his mojo working.
Aaron has already showed flashes of brilliance, and with that spread offense, and big Tony out there, they’d be nigh unstoppable as an offensive power. Their D is struggling right now, but I think they’re playing much like ours did when we passed the ball at will. The Packers score quick, and keep their D on the field for a long time. With Tony G. out there, as well as Jennings and their other WR’s, their running game should be getting very good looks. That’s tempting for McCarthy and Co.
In return, we could get any number of things. They have plenty of young defensive guys we could involve in a trade. They also have a number of WR’s, and everyone knows we could use some WR help. They have a couple of backup QB’s that, while I’m not crazy over them, I wouldn’t mind seeing on our roster. And they have Donald Lee, who could also possibly be involved in a trade for Tony, seeing as how Cottam would be our numero uno TE, and he is the Brodie Croyle of TE’s, (perpetually injured.) There are some very juicy trade possibilities that come out of Green Bay. I know I myself would jump at the chance to send Tony G. to a better-at-the-moment team than ours, so he gets his chance at glory, while we in return could get Donald Driver and Brian Brohm. Can you say Goodbye Thigpen? Ciao! Siyanara! Au Revior! Toodles! Have a bad flight! And we hope we don’t see you ever again.
Even though it’s a small market team, they still get far more publicity (most of which was due to Favre, but has now switched to Rodgers,) than the Chiefs, and Tony would have a *much* better shot of getting a ring in the next few years. Just food for thought.
October 12th, 2008 at 2:17 amCottam is more injury prone than Croyle, so that’s delusional.
The line of thinking of starting Thigpen over Huard, trading Tony G to trust more draft picks to King Carl has me ready to explode.
October 12th, 2008 at 3:18 amStrange way of putting it, but I agree Tony should be allowed to play for a contender.
October 12th, 2008 at 8:37 amTrading Gonzalez is not the answer need to rid of Herm Edwards what is another draft pick going to do for the team we have no QB Croyle has been injuery prone since college and still hasn’t proven him self
October 12th, 2008 at 10:10 ami agree aswell , nothin id rather see then Tony happy. But i think we should try to get the gaints to give us Boss and maybe a 5th or 6th pick. I loved Boss last year in the Superbowl. The Guy has showen so stuff that looks like he could be a young star. But no matter what i think we need to worry bout a Qb so maybe also try tradeing Tony for a Qb. But no teams come to mind in which would be worth it.
October 12th, 2008 at 10:11 amYeah Boss did do good in the superbowl but Cottom is the same type of tightend as Boss. To me when you rebuild you need a good mixture of Rookies and vetrans you cant rebuild with all rookies its impossible thats too much pressure you are putting them they need some vetrans to look up to there are only a few guy’s with more than 5 years experience
October 12th, 2008 at 10:20 amPeople are going to riot in KC.
Its a bad, bad PR move for the Chiefs.
Mark my words. It will not go over well.
October 12th, 2008 at 10:22 amI wouldnt trade him for anything less than a 2nd rounder. A low 1st preferably.
Giants should give us that 2nd and 5th….offering just a 6th is bogus. And none of this “lets meet in the middle” crap. 2nd and 5th or nothing.
A probowler with 3ish good years left in him is at least worth a 2nd
October 12th, 2008 at 1:33 pmAll of you are out of your freaking mind. If we trade Tony G I am going to puke. Plus if he is gone it would hurt the development of Dwayne Bowe. Sorry Tony but you need to stay. This is a team sport, win or lose you play the cards yoiur dealt. we have to. after this season, Edwards and petersen need to go.
October 12th, 2008 at 7:03 pmi found this from way back in early september, i knew i read it somewhere but took me forever to find the quote
Gonzalez: “You know, a lot of other guys would have demanded a trade. Brett Favre, Jason Taylor, Zach Thomas…a lot of franchise guys changed colors, and wanted to. Not me. I’m Red and Gold for life.”
so much for that….
October 13th, 2008 at 1:40 amThis is such bullshit! First off, who’s to say that Tony doesn’t have 4 or 5 good years left in him? Secondly, we do not owe Tony Gonzalez a damn thing. He has had his shot at a title - many times over - right here wearing Red and Gold. The fact that it did not happen is as his much fault as anybody’s. IT’S A TEAM SPORT TONY and last time I checked you were still a member of this team - act like it dammit!
Sorry, but the way this all looks to me is that Tony G is anything but a class act. The way I see it, he got to play for a very exciting, fun, high-powered team for many years where he could showcase his talents. Now it’s not fun, not glamorous and he wants out. This whole thing is so transparent to me that it make me ill to see him behaving this way and making it all about him.
We fans have given Tony Gonzalez a lot of love over the years. We fans deserve better. Tony Gonzalez needs to man up and become the kind of leader and master motivator that he has pal Oprah and apparently much of the rest of the world conned into believing that he is.
Crane, you are right on. If this goes down, it will be one of the biggest front office distasters in the history of the NFL and the fans who have tried their best to support this team will not take it. We’re talking blackout city for years to come.
October 13th, 2008 at 10:02 am